Another Dream Dies

Over the years, especially recently, I've watched a number of my dreams just die.  Not be pushed to the wayside, with the hope that one day I could revive them.  But totally gone, dead, and fading into nothingness.  Some of these dreams have been easier to let go than others.  And over the years I've formed fewer and fewer new dreams because I didn't want to deal with the pain that comes along with the loss.

About 6 months ago I allowed myself to dream again, and I dreamed big.  I went into this dream knowing full well that the odds were against me.  But I stupidly allowed myself to dream fully.  Today I found out that this newest dream was now dead.  Some have told me to not give up and to continue to dream - I'll find away. But I know this song, and I've danced this dance.  The finality is heart wrenching.  The pain is real.

This one is hurting more than I had thought and more than I know how to deal with. I realize now that I had gone so long, refusing to allow myself to dream, that I have lost my natural ability to just let it go.  I feel the stabbing pain of daggers being plunged into my heart.  I hear the sound of laughter as I lay on the floor bleeding.  I can no longer block it out and the pain in my head is very much real. 

I'm now in the coping phase - stages of grief happen for dreams as well.  But I'm not coping very well.  I'll likely be singing a lot (if you don't know, that is what I do - and I sing really sad songs, really badly).  Here is today's sad song and my sad voice trying to carry it along.  Listen at your own risk.  Maybe tomorrow won't be so bad...

Gumbo, Anyone?

Hello World - Sorry for the Silence!
I haven't posted in ages!  But I've had a couple of friends ask me for my gumbo recipe, so I thought I would go ahead and put it up here.

Kawanna's Gumbo Recipe

Ingredients

3 tbsp olive oil (you can also use vegetable oil or butter)

3 tbsp flour

1 green pepper - cleaned and diced

1 medium white or yellow onion - diced

2-3 stalks of celery - diced

1 can of diced tomatoes (or 2-3 fresh tomatoes, diced)
10 oz of frozen, sliced okra
1 1/2 tsp thyme (I use chopped rather than powdered - fresh works too!)
1 tsp oregano
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp pepper
1/4 tsp cayenne pepper (if you like spice - you can leave this out or add to taste)
7 oz of turkey sausage (about 1/2 a link when you buy them in the store - you can put the whole link in if you like extra meat) - cut into slices.
4 cups of chicken broth
1/2 pound of chicken breast.
2 1/2 cups of cooked rice

Some pre-information:

• I like to cook my chicken before I make the gumbo, so that I just add it later.  I usually just bake it - let it cool a bit and then dice or shred it. 
• Combine  all of the spices/seasonings.  You're going to be adding them to the pot at the same time, so save yourself some time by combining them in a small bowl and setting them aside until you need them.

Making the Gumbo

1. In a large pot heat the oil over medium to medium high heat until hot. Add in the flour and stir.  Continue to stir the flour into the oil until a nice brown sauce forms.  Make sure you don't let it burn, but let it cook until it is a medium to dark brown.  Keep stirring to avoid the burning.
   
2. Add in the bell pepper, celery, and onion and cook until the veggies are soft (usually 5 to 7 minutes).
   
3. Reduce heat slightly, then add the diced tomatoes, okra and the seasoning together into the pot.  Stir and cover with a lid. Allow to cook for about 5 minutes (stirring if needed to avoid sticking).
   
4. Add in the sliced turkey sausage and the chicken broth. Allow to simmer for about 10 to 15 minutes, stirring occasionally. 
   
5. Add in the diced chicken breast.  Stir and allow to simmer for another 10 minutes or so.  If you want to substitute or add shrimp, you can do so at this point.  You can cook the shrimp beforehand if you like and then just add at the end. Or devein and clean the raw shrimp and add it at the end - allow to cook in the gumbo for about 10 minutes (but don't over cook it!).
   
6. For the rice, you can either make it and add it to the pot.  Or you can put the rice onto a plate and serve the gumbo over the rice.  Either works!

This will take better on day 2, 3 and 4 than on the first day, so it never hurts to make it ahead.
Serve and enjoy!