Year 2, Day 110: 12/30/12

One Day to Go: I head back to Miami tomorrow.  I'm dreading it.  But I can't stay here - I'm beyond ready to leave.  What does one do when neither option is appealing?  How do you reconcile despair you feel with the necessity of the work you have to do.  One more day until I head back to Miami.  One more day left in this year.

Year 2, Day 109: 12/29/12

Two To Go: Two more days before I head back to Miami.  Not sure which is worse - being here and hating it, or being there and hating it.  Truly stuck between a rock and hard place.

Year 2, Day 108: 12/28/12

Singing In the Rain: Okay, not in the rain, but over at my brother's in his studio (his back room).  I got to sing the chorus for one song that he is working on (I even surprised him with  a suggestion for the song that worked), then another song he wrote that I tried to sing last year but just couldn't get it right.  It turned out much better today, though he still needs a real singer to make it work better.  Then he let me do a version of one of my favorite Melissa Etheridge songs.  All in all, not a bad day when you consider it was cold and rainy and dreary outside.  But don't get your hopes up - I'm not venturing into the music business any time soon.  I know I'm not a singer - I'm just a person who likes to sing.  But my brother deserves a chance to show people what he can do - I hope I can find a way to do that for him.

Year 2, Day 107: 12/27/12

Disrespect: My father has repeatedly asked his brother not to smoke in the house when I'm visiting.  And now that my nephew is staying here, he has asked him not to smoke in the house at all.  Yesterday, my uncle was smoking in the middle of the day and my Mom noticed.  She told my father who had to go in there and explain to my uncle that he didn't want him smoking in the house at all.  My uncle's excuse for ignoring him that time?  He thought I had gone over to my brother's house with my nephew, so he thought he was free to smoke.  Then tonight, while my nephew and I were sitting and watching tv, he was smoking again.  He thinks that we won't notice, but my nephew and I are both very sensitive to smoke.  My father doesn't smell it, so he has to be told.  I don't want to tell him this time, because he gets upset and goes and tries to talk to his brother.  But we all know that my uncle just doesn't care.  I'm not really as upset about the smoking in terms of how it affects me - what I care about is the disrespect that it shows to my father when my uncle ignores what his brother asks him to do.  My father has worked hard to keep a roof over his head.  He didn't have to allow his brother to move in with him - he just wanted to help him out.  But I'm going to have to tell my father that this is the last time I'm coming to visit him with my uncle here.  I can't deal with his rudeness, his disrespect, and yes, the smoke gets to me as well.  I hate to tell my family that, but I have to think of my own health and I can't allow someone else to put me in danger because they are rude, inconsiderate, and all in all, an asshole.

Year 2, Day 106: 12/26/12

Baking at Home: At the request of my mom, I baked cookies today.  Of course, I didn't have half of the supplies I needed and had to go to the store first, but the cookies turned out pretty well.  I made peanut butter cookies and also cutout sugar cookies.  New recipes for both since I forgot my recipe book when I left home, but I think both will be a keeper - they turned out so well.

Knitting at Home: I'm not likely to actually finish my 5 items in 5 days that I had hoped to do, but I did manage to complete the first one.  It's my first cowl and I think I like them a lot.  I can do the same pattern with different combinations of yarn and create some really nice pieces.  Now I just need my wrist to hold up.

Year 2, Day 105: 12/25/12

Christmas Is...I'm not sure what Christmas is anymore.  Today I got up and went for a run.  Came back and ate breakfast.  Finished cooking the jambalaya and red beans for dinner, and promptly tried to start knitting...though that fell through.  I did get to play a game and some cards with my family.  I did get to teach (or try to teach) my nephew how to knit (again).  I did get to watch some tv (How the Grinch Stole Christmas and the Princess Bride).  But it just didn't feel like Christmas.  Now a storm is blowing outside and we won't get the snow but we sure are getting the wind and the rain.  Now I'm just tired and will try to get some sleep...if my nephew will let me survive his late night Dr. Who watching.  Right now I'm having that odd feeling of being lonely though I'm in a house full of people...

Year 2, Day 102 - Day 104: 12/22/12 - 12/24/12

Lumping it All Together: I've never lumped any of my days together, but if there was ever a time to do that, it has been the last 3 days.  They have been momentous, for some odd reasons.  But they have also been enlightening.  Here is my rundown.

Day 102: 12/22/12 - I finally managed to meet up with Elaina for lunch, something we had talked about for a while now.  We decided to meet 1/2 way between where she was meeting and where I lived, and ended up in Brickell.  We wound up eating at a place called Dolores, but you can call me Lolita.  The prices weren't bad for that location and the sandwich was pretty good too (though completely bad for me).  It was good to talk to Elaina for a bit and also to enjoy one of the cooler days we've had in Miami.  We also hit the little farmer's market they have there.  Did you know there is a fruit out there that actually tastes and looks like chocolate pudding?  I'm so not kidding.  I think it is called the Sapote, but don't quote me on that.  Not that I bought one (wouldn't know what to do with it), but thought it was interesting.

Day 103: 12/23/12 - Getting ready to go home can be so tough, when you now live in a summer all the time environment and have to go to a winter environment.  I have to pack sweaters and long pants, along with the running gear, which takes up so much space.  Then there are my shoes, and my whole bag of knitting supplies.  That's right, one whole bag of knitting supplies.  I'm on a mission to make 5 different things while I'm home and I think I can do it.  But I also plan to stay busy - I'm going to need to, so that I don't think about some of the things that have been bothering me lately.

Day 104: 12/24/12 - Twas the day before Christmas and all through the house, everything smelled like cajun food, and we didn't even have a mouse (okay, so that was a bad rhyme, but it worked).  We decided to have a Cajun/Creole Christmas, with me doing all of the cooking.  So I made gumbo, jambalaya, Shrimp Étouffée, and red beans and rice.  And I AM TIRED!  But I got to spend time with my family and see my 9 year old nephew (I haven't seen him in 3 years or so).  Oh, and I'm also broke now.  Merry Christmas to me!

Year 2, Day 101: 12/21/12

A Day of Pain:  Wow, some days should only be meant for staying curled up in a ball in bed and not moving for anything other than another dose of ibruprofen.  Too bad I had to go in and set an example today for the others.  I made it to 2:30 and then had to call it a day.  The pain was finally bearable this afternoon and I managed to do a small workout in the house.  Now its creeping back up on me and I need to just call it a night, but a new book idea popped into my head and the story is fresh.  I can always sleep in late tomorrow!

A Much Needed Break: I need this break I'm getting for the holiday.  I think I was at my wit's end with my job and my life and if anything else had happened, I might have had a nervous breakdown.  Now I can spend some time doing what I want to do and relaxing and being creative, and thinking about what I really need to do with my life.  I hope I get some true clarity - that's all I want from this break time.

Year 2, Day 100: 12/20/12

If This is It: The world is supposed to end tomorrow.  I'm not worried though.  Why?  Well, partly because I don't think anything is going to happen.  But also partly because if the world is going to end, its not like there is anything I can do about it.  So freaking out and trying to change things isn't going to do anything except cause problems when you realize that NOTHING IS HAPPENING.  Grow up people - the craziness is of our own making and if this world is going to end, it is because we have killed it with our greed and hatred.

Too Old To Shift Books: It's funny how as a student assistant, shifting books, reshelving, etc. was no big deal.  Today I did it for about 4 hours and I'm so sour right now!  My thumbs, in particular, are really hurting (from grabbing the heavy books and moving them).  Tomorrow I'll help again and get covered in disgusting dirt (since the shelves haven't been cleaned in years and they are nasty!).  No wonder no one wants to use a book - I wouldn't want to be covered in dirt either!

Year 2, Day 99: 12/19/12

What's Your Motive? I didn't post yesterday because I needed some time to think about something that happened.  At the end of my day I stopped in to see someone who had asked to see me.  They then proceeded to inform me that some of my actions were being perceived as negative by others, that I needed to be discrete about spending time with my friends at work, but that they felt I was the right person for the job, I just needed to be more careful.  I left that meeting not sure how to react to this meeting or to what I felt were the persons true intentions.  The more they told me that they were doing this to help me, and that they were concerned about me, the more I felt as if I were being lied to and set up.  Perception is everything, right?  Here is the sad final truth that I woke up with in the morning:  I don't trust anyone within the workplace.  Everyone has an agenda and some of these agendas are harmful to others.  I've already been on the receiving end of someone negative agenda towards me and I don't plan on being caught unawares again.  No this, I am perceptive.  I watch and I learn.  I am not an idiot.  I will not let your erroneous perceptions change the way I am at work.  So, thank you for inviting me in for a meeting, for gracing me with your magnanimous presence, but I think I'll make my own decisions.

Year 2, Day 98: 12/18/12

Chronicling a Day of Craziness:  It's sad when you know that a day is going to be shitty before 10am.  Here is my chronicle of the craziness:

• Someone who has covered the same desk shift for an entire year, who has expressed an interest in that desk shift because they prefer the time, comes into my office to ask if they will be covering the shift for the entire semester (we used to schedule each week, I'm attempting to schedule for the semester) since I asked if the timing was still good.  They looked disappointed when I said yes.  I asked them if they wanted a different shift and they said no, but that they liked to occasionally work a different time.  I explained that there would be plenty of opportunities to work other shifts throughout the semester.  They didn't look appeased.
• People standing around in one office whispering so that they cannot be overheard.  Since the office is next to mine, I know it is about me or something that they don't want me to know.  Then they start talking at normal levels as if they hadn't just spent ten minutes whispering.
• Someone decides to send a student back to my officer to talk to them about student jobs in the library.  I know nothing about student jobs in the library - I'm new here!  I sat down and spoke with them, but the person who brought the student back knew all of this and still did it.
• Someone asking if they can do two rather than three hours on the desk because they want to devote more time to chat and roaming.  Really?  One hour is going to make a difference?  You'd think they were scheduled for 30 hours on the desk or something.

Strange Urges: today I was hit by two strange urges.  The first one was the urge to cry...for absolutely no reason.  The second was the urge to make a gingerbread house.  I hate gingerbread, by the way.  But I want to make a gingerbread house...from scratch.  Luckily the urge to do that wore off as the day went on.  But I did need some comfort food, so I made mac & cheese and cornbread muffins.

Year 2, Day 97: 12/17/12

Asking Too Much: There are a lot of things I've been asked to do that I don't always agree with.  But often they are tolerable because they don't really impact me as a person.  But today, I was asked to change my tactics, change my way, and treat people differently...just because I have to tolerate their immaturity.  I don't think this is fair, nor do I think I actually can do it.  I was told to treat them like children, but that's not what they really want me to do.  Because if that were really what they wanted me to do, I would take away all of their "toys," put them all in timeout, and not bother to include them in any conversations before I made a final decision.  The lies that are being told about me are ridiculous.  I'm being told that I'm not respectful enough of the hard work they've done, and that I need to try a different approach.  I say bullshit - they need to grow up.  I don't appreciate having my words twisted and then thrown into my face.  I don't appreciate being treated as if I've done something wrong just because I made a suggestion.  I don't appreciate having my time wasted by people who say one thing to your face, and then turn around and stab you in the back as soon as they can.  What do I think?  I think they can all kiss my ass.  I refuse to have them ruin and dictate my life this way.  It's time for me to make a real change - a major change.  And though I don't know what that is right now, I know it is not going to be catering to them.

Year 2, Day 96: 12/16/12 - "Be Yourself"

"To be yourself is all that you can do..." 

"Be Yourself" by Audioslave 

Nothing Gained: My poor friend is still sick. We made it out and about for some food and a little bit of shopping, but after about 2 hours, she was already beat.  I wish she could have had a better time here - that we could have hit the beach like we had hoped to, and see some of Miami Beach.  I guess we'll have to plan for another visit for her (without her cold that decided to come with her).

Year 2, Day 95: 12/15/12

Poor Baby: My friend, NG is sick!  She came for a visit and just wanted some time away, and instead she is coughing and has sinus pressure, etc.  Luckily no fever (yet), but still fairly miserable.  She's resting now, but I suspect she'll be coughing again later. Hopefully the Mucinex will kick in and give her some uninterrupted sleep. So much for the beach trip and not sure if we will make the holiday party we are scheduled to attend tomorrow.  We'll see how she feels tomorrow.

What Makes Me Happy...Seeing one of the blankets that I worked so hard on being used.  My cousin posts pictures of her one month old, and in one of them, she is being fed by her Great Grandmother and wrapped in the blanket I made.  This is why I knit..and bake...and try to do craftsy things.  Because I feel as if they will be more lasting than anything else that I do o this earth.  I always just want to give back, and by knitting, I do. 

Year 2, Day 94: 12/14/12

Waiting on the Doctor: I don't know why my doctor's office bothers to give me a morning appointment time.  They accept walk-ins as well on a first come, first served basis.  So even if I show up on time, I have to wait my turn.  This morning it meant I had to wait for 2 hours just to see the doctor for 5 minutes.  This is not a process that makes any sense to me!

Holiday Party Cheer: The library had its holiday party today and there were three things that struck me as odd:

1. We had the party down on the 2nd floor right in the heart of the library.  Granted, it is intersession and there aren't very many students, but the library was open and students could still go through this space.
2. They allow drinking on campus and at these parties. The number of people taking tequila and rum shots was crazy.  And there were at least 3 spiked drinks (including something called planter's punch) on hand.  I'm not sure if this is the best image to show to our students.  Add to the fact that people were getting louder and louder the more they drank, and I think they need to be more careful of this in the future.
3. There were people sitting together who normally don't have anything to do with one another.  It was very odd and disconcerting to see.

Year 2, Day 93: 12/13/12

NG is Here!  So glad my bestest buddy is here for the week.  She's going to be bored stiff sitting around my apartment while I have to work (no leave time), but hopefully we will hang out in the evenings when I'm home.  And we are going to hit the beach and a Christmas party on the weekend!  Now she needs to go to bed, because her eyes are drooping and she is snoring while awake!!!   We did make a gorgeous tres leches cake - which hopefully will taste as good as it looks! 

Year 2, Day 92: 12/12/12

Magical Dates: I'm really surprised at the number of people who believe that today's date actually has any significance, other than the repetitiveness of it.  It's not magical, or special, and it won't give you good luck if you were born or married on this day.  It's just another day.  Cynical much?  A little, but the number of people who place so much on the shoulders of happenstance and luck - its one of the reasons why our society is deteriorating like it is.  No one wants to take responsibility for anything and no one wants to actually make a decision.  But they want to blame others when things go bad.

Year 2, Day 91: 12/11/12

Yesterday was unremarkable, but I forgot to post about it (maybe not surprising).  Nothing of import has happened, but I did finish getting the apartment ready for a visitor.  Time to post about the actual date rather than the previous one.

Year 2, Day 90: 12/10/12

What Makes Me Happy: I had to step back today and really look at myself as I realized that I had been a bit down and sad all day.  Until I starting giving out batches of chocolate chip cookies to different people in the Libraries.  I watched as they started eating the cookies...and couldn't stop.  I then walked across campus and delivered cookies to two new people I had met in the College of Business.  I hope they liked them, but that wasn't the important part.  The important part was the fact that I left after delivering those cookies with the first real smile on my face that I had experienced all day.  I found that both sad and enlightening.  Sad, because I was happy about something that was not my career or my day to day activities.  Enlightened because I finally realized what truly made me happy (or at least one of the things that truly makes me happy).  It was a nice feeling after a very trying day.

Pissing Others Off: Yep, I did that today as well.  It wasn't intentional but I knew it was coming, though I was surprised by which person it was.  I almost snapped at them and I did raise my voice slightly (yes, in anger - because they were trying to cause problems after the fact...after the topic had been discussed and decided on...after they had been given the chance to really express their concerns...and after we had decided to give it a try!).  What did I accomplish other than making them mad?  Not sure yet - I'll just have to wait and see.

What Makes Me Happy 2: I came home and baked...even though I was tired and not feeling well.  I had to do it after the realization today.  I also had bananas that needed to be used up.  What did I create?  Slightly Tipsy Banana Cream Cupcakes.  Banana cake with banana cream filling and rum vanilla buttercream. 

Year 2, Day 89: 12/9/12 - "Runaway Train"

"So tired that I couldn't even sleep
So many secrets I couldn't keep
Promised myself I wouldn't weep
One more promise I couldn't keep
It seems no one can help me now
I'm in too deep
There's no way out
This time I have really led myself astray
Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here nor there..."

-"Runaway Train" by Soul Asylum

Runaway Train: My life feels like a runaway train right now.  What I can't tell is, whether I'm the train or whether I'm on the tracks and the train is coming.  Either way, I feel like my life is spiraling out of control.  You know that odd sensation you feel when you know you've made a mistake and you're trying to figure out whether its going to be a huge one or a small one?  That's how I feel right now - struggling to figure out if there is a way to remedy these mistakes that I've made.  Trying to figure out how bad its going to be. Trying to figure out where I went wrong. 

Year 2, Day 88: 12/8/12

Personal Bests:  I don't have much to cheer about most days, but today I ran my personal best for 6 miles at 1 hour 13 minutes, 30 seconds.  This is nearly 5 minutes faster than I ever remember running outside.  And today it was humid enough that I wouldn't have expected to run very fast.  Maybe it was the rain storm that popped up during the 2nd mile.  Or maybe it was all of the angst I've had the last few days.  But I actually had 3 sub-12 minute miles (and they were barely sub, like by 3 seconds), but for me to nearly average 5 miles an hour for my full run, I was moving pretty well.  I paid for it afterwards, of course, and had to lay on the floor for nearly 20 minutes as soon as I hit the house.  I won't be using this as my marker for future runs - I'm considering this a fluke.  But it was a nice fluke to have.

Year 2, Day 87: 12/7/12

Recap of a Couple of Long Days:  I was too frustrated to post last night, but here is the final recap of everything that happened after I had my phone fall down the elevator shaft:

• I left work at 5pm so that I could make it down to the Verizon store and see if they could help me with my phone issue.  They very nicely confirmed that I would have to pay full price for a phone if I wanted a new one (in case you don't know, they run between $350 and $700).  I confirmed with them that I could get another computer somewhere else and use it instead.  They then told me that I should only buy a Verizon phone because another one wouldn't work.  I then went in search of a phone or a new battery for my old Blackberry.
• It took me nearly 30 minutes in traffic to get to the Walmart and they didn't have a Verizon phone.  I then went back down the road to Best Buy and their phones were as high priced as Verizon.  Plus, they didn't carry any batteries.  It took me nearly 15 minutes to find this out because they were so busy.  They were nice enough to point me towards BatteriesPlus, and even gave me directions.  35 minutes later I found the store only to find out they closed at 7pm (it was 7:30pm).  I headed home with a headache, hungry, and angry!
• I got up early on Friday so that I could stop by BatteriesPlus before I headed to my doctor's appointment.  Their website said they opened at 8am, their door said they opened at 8am.  It was 8:55am when I arrived and they weren't open!  I waited for about 10 minutes and then gave up and went to my appointment.  I got out in time to head back there and they were open this time.  I had to pay $40 for a battery (yes, this is a rip off!), but was able to go right next door and have them turn my phone on.

So I have a phone again - I really want my touch screen back and my Blackberry is finicky, but at least it works.  I'll have to do some soul searching to figure out if I want to spend any money on my phone any time soon.

Year 2, Day 86: 12/6/12 - "Shattered (Turn the Car Around)"

No lyrics, just a song title in honor of my phone, which nose-dived down an elevator shaft and basically shattered.  I am a royal fuck up.  That is all.

Year 2, Day 85: 12/5/12

When Cell Phones Commit Suicide: That's how I'm choosing to look at the situation I find myself in right now.  Here is what happened...

I was on the elevator on my way to a meeting on the 8th floor.  The elevator stopped on the 7th floor and I moved to allow a student to get out of the elevator.  My phone was resting on a stack of papers I had in my hand (I had no pockets today and my keys were in my other hand).  My phone slid off of the papers and headed straight for the floor.  I reached for it, expecting it to bounce out of the elevator and into the lobby area for the floor.  Instead, my phone bounced twice and then slid right into the gap between the elevator and the floor.  I heard a couple of clanks and then nothing else.

I asked the ladies in Admin what to do and they said they would call facilities, since they were the ones who had helped people get keys out of the elevator shaft (so obviously this is not an isolated incident and items find their way into that space quite often).  I went to my meeting expecting to hear that my phone had been found by the time I got done.  1.5 hours later, I check in with the ladies and they inform me that facilities has said they no longer provide this service.  In other words, they weren't going to get my phone for me.  I called facilities myself and was told that they couldn't help me because the men who worked there did not have access to the "pit" area.  They then suggested I speak to the supervisor of those men to see if he could help me.  I called and got no answer, so I left a voice mail.  And I waited.  And waited.  And nothing.  So I asked the security guard what he would suggest I do, and he said that calling facilities was what they always did.  He suggested I call the campus police.

I give campus police a call and they inform me that it is facilities that used to do this, but that they no longer provide this service because it is a liability.  They had apparently not retrieved the keys of a young woman just a few days earlier. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!!!!  They actually think this response is okay?  I e-mailed the same person I had called so that he would understand that this issue was serious.  I basically told him that this level of service or lack thereof was not acceptable for any member of the FIU community, whether they were faculty like me, or students.  Now I wait to see what his response is (it will have to be tomorrow).  If he still refuses to help me, I'm taking this to so many people they won't even know what hit them.  If I have to call the president's office I will.  There is no way that not helping me when something like this happens can be acceptable at FIU.  If they truly think it is acceptable, then I now have another reason to not want to continue working at this place.  The lack of respect and care they have shown to me (and obviously to others with this new rule) needs to be brought to the forefront.  Everyone will hear about it, regardless of whether I get my phone back.

As for my phone - I hope it is happy now.  It's likely dead and in 7 pieces, but I want all 7 of those pieces back!

Year 2, Day 84: 12/4/12 - "Taste of Your Love"

"I don't need nothin'

I don't need nothin'

I don't need nothin' but a taste of your love..."

-"Taste of Your Love" by Due West

Some Good, Some Bad: Funny day today - with some good feelings and some bad.  The best news?  A great meeting with the people over at the College of Business.  We might be able to get them to continue to pay for a particularly expensive resource that the faculty not only requested, but heavily use.  I'm hoping that we find out what other resources we are both paying for in common and possibly reduce the amount of money we are shelling out.  The bad?  Today was another day where I was reminded of my loneliness.  My friend texted me with the news that her ex-husband is getting married again and this made her feel like a loser.  I can commiserate, as this is how I feel all the time as I watch others move through life so normally.  I can't even find a date, let alone a boyfriend or potential husband/father of my children.  I reminded my friend that she was not a loser and that what was bothering her was just how unfair life is.  What else do you call it when the person who cheated her someone is now the one able to find someone else for their life.  While the one who was cheated on is still searching?  Or when a good person with so much to give, cannot find anyone willing to find out how good she is?  Thinking about that is too sad, so I'll move on for now.

Year 2, Day 83: 12/3/12

You Have Got to Be Kidding Me!  I've heard it said, that sometimes having someone from the outside taking a look at the way things work can be useful.  Today I saw the opposite of that, when someone who knows nothing about how a library works enforced their "view" of how things should work on a process they knew nothing about.  I was ready to throw something, I was so angry today!  When we need guidance and support, we get someone's individualized view of things and their absolute blindness to what they really need to be focusing on.  Now we have to try to work around and through this person rather than with them. They weren't done either - the conversation continued after the meeting when they took their time to try to convince me that we needed to restructure a pre-planned space so that we could create individualized spaces that were themed by subject areas.  I'd say that if we were building a graduate library, then that would be right on the money.  But we are not, and our library is very much undergraduate focused (as is the norm).  We can't tell the students how to use the libraries and the spaces - no matter how hard we try to do this, the students will do what they want to do and change anything we institute.  We can put up a sign that says "social sciences" but the odds of only students studying in those areas sitting there are slim to none.  The same can be said for the new computers - they will have powerful multimedia software on them...but most students will be doing something other than multimedia work.  Okay, off of my soap box for now...but I'll likely have to get back on it soon!

Year 2, Day 82: 12/2/12

Devastation: I wasn't sure if I was going to write about the tragedy in Kansas City until tonight, when I heard Bob Costas reading the words of a writer in Kansas City.  The man said a lot of things that I agreed with, but there was one statement that he made that I had to disagree with.  He said that if Jovan Belcher had not had a gun, then his girlfriend and he would still be alive.  Now, I agree with the statement that guns don't kill people, people kill people.  If this writer is naive enough to believe that Jovan would not have found a way to kill his girlfriend without a gun, then he clearly has no understanding of domestic violence.  Restraining orders, don't work.  Jail, doesn't work.  If someone is intent on killing their partner (male or female), they will find a way to do it, and they sure as hell wouldn't need a gun.  The gun was just a means to an end for Belcher.  If he had not had the gun, he would have used a knife, or his hands, or who knows what else.  So, Mr. Writer, please get your head out of your ass and actually pay attention to what you are saying - absence of a gun was not going to save that young woman or Belcher.

Year 2, Day 81: 12/1/12

Where Did the Time Go?  I almost forgot to pay my rent today because I didn't realize it was the 1st.  Luckily I remembered to set a reminder on my phone, so the alarm let me know.  But I can't believe that it is December already.  Christmas is now only 25 days away and there is so much (non-Christmas related) that I still need to do.  I guess I'll just have to keep doing things 1 day at a time.

So Blue.  I'm working on a baby blanket (yes, another one) and this one is in blue.  I'm starting to hate the color, along with the pink I used all of last month for the pink blanket.  I'm a little sad that I won't be able to get this one done before the babies arrive for my friend, but I'm sure she will still appreciate them when I finally finish them.

Year 2, Day 80: 11/30/12

Nothing to say...so I won't pretend and try to force myself to write something.

Year 2, Day 79: 11/29/12

The Things that Haunt Us.  It's amazing to me when I think about the memories that haunt me.  I remember some of the smallest things - things that would be inconsequential to most people.  But to me, they linger and fester and I can't shake the memories. Today, it was the memory of all of the times I've fallen down (literally, fallen down).  I remember falling as I came home from work while I was in high school.  It was raining and I was rushing to get into the house and slipped and fell on the gravel.  I cried like a baby for that one because I felt so stupid and klutzy.  I remember when I fell playing softball (when I played for Pepsi).  I was running from 2nd to 3rd and just tripped over my own big feet.  I remember when I fell running home after hitting a homerun during practice.  I was just going too fast to control my own weight and fell.  I remember knocking my friend Angie down during a fire drill at the University of Oklahoma.  There was ice on the sidewalks and as I slipped I grabbed Angie - I really felt stupid that day.  I remember falling as I was crossing the street in Chattanooga while leaving school after my class.  I fell and my books went flying right in front of four lanes of moving traffic.  I remember the first time I fell when I was running - I was nearly done with my run around the UTK campus and I tripped over an upraised section in the sidewalk and hit the ground hard.  I followed that up with a trip over my own feet about three weeks later - same area of my run but it was closer to the beginning rather than the end.  Messed up my knee, hand and elbow.  I fell again running when I lived in Raleigh, on the running trail around the lake.  That's all...yes, I remember all of those and they linger in my memories, reminding me of how ungraceful I am, how much of a klutz.  I use those reminders as a way to bring myself down from cloud 9 when I start to think that I have something to offer anyone.  Who would want to be around someone as klutzy as I am?  Just another strike against me.

Year 2, Day 78: 11/28/12

Are We There Yet?  I witnessed some of the worst behavior I've seen in the workplace in a long time today.  Someone actually threw a temper tantrum, like a child would.  No, they did not scream and kick (that would have been too much), but they did talk over people, then make a smart ass remark, before crying.  Yep, a full-on temper tantrum.  The sad part?  They were fussing about something that should have been seen as a positive, and which was presented that way.  Instead, they tried attacking two or three people they felt were causing the problem and went for the jugular.  I'm sorry, but calling someone out by name and asking them if they are doing their job (in so many words), is not being collegial, adult, or anything else that belongs in the workplace.  Follow that up by a meeting where people who have nothing to do with your department decide that you need to do more work, and you've got one hell of a day.

Shipping Woes!  I had to drive down to the UPS customer center to get my package today because I was never home when they tried to deliver it.  This was after I called them because online my package was marked as "return to shipper" even though I had already asked them to hold it.  I then dropped by FedEx to get my other package (I had them hold it there since it was near the UPS location), and then came home to find my other two FedEx packages had arrived...and were delivered!!  Why didn't anyone tell me they would actually leave the damn things under the stairs where they were well hidden?  Why did I have to spend money and gas and time picking up my items?  Lesson learned.  Now off to find a few more things to have delivered.

Year 2, Day 77: 11/27/12

Short Fuse.  Maybe I'm just tired, but I was seriously on a short fuse today.  Part of it was justified - people who really need to get their heads out of their asses, grow up, and stop acting like petty children!  I almost yelled at someone today and I don't do that - especially not people who report to me.  I do worry that I will snap one day and just walk out (not that I can afford to do that!).  I'm thinking I need to get a lottery ticket tomorrow and hope for the best.  Because right now - this career, this life, they are not working for me at all.

I Cannot Begrudge You Your Happiness...Though It Breaks My Heart.  Another friend with happy news, and I'm truly happy for them.  Yet, I died a little more inside today...there is not much left of my heart...

Year 2, Day 76: 11/26/12 - "Everyday"

I got lost, couldn't find my way
And I guess there's nothing more to say...

 But I'm here and here I will stay

So everyday I cry
Yes everyday I fall...

So everyday goes by
And everyday I fall
It makes me wonder why,
My life's worth nothing without you

You'll never know, no, no, no ,no ,no...
No you'll never see

And so the light fades away
Try, try, try as I may
I can't stop thinking about you
It seems my life's worth nothing without you

Everyday, everyday you know I try so hard
Everyday, everyday it gets a little harder...

-"Everyday" by Phil Collins

Not Sure Why...I woke up an hour before my alarm was set to go off, shaking as if it were 30 degrees in my apartment, and crying.  It was not a good sensation and I found it to be downright frightening.  I tried to stay in bed and figure out what had triggered this and I finally narrowed it down to two things.

1. Feelings of being overwhelmed.  I know how much I need to do at work and I feel as if I don't have the time or the means to truly do it.  I'm sure this is part of what prompted my temporary nervous breakdown.
2. Feelings of inadequacy.  I went to bed thinking that my efforts to get to know someone long distance were stupid and futile, because once they met me in person, they wouldn't be interested in me any more.  I don't blame them and I almost wish there were a way to meet them before that day, so I could get the disappointment over with and just move.  I think this is the bigger part of what set me off today and really made me feel as if I just couldn't get up.  I know I shouldn't place so much of myself into this process of meeting someone, when I know how it is likely to end.  But a part of me is still a dreamer and that dreamer has reared her ugly head.  The naysayer in me is trying to knock her back down and this is what I think is causing my emotional and physical suffering.

Year 2, Day 75: 11/25/12

Sun Life Stadium and NFL Football  I got to cross something off of my bucket list today - I attended my first NFL football game.  It was at Sun Life Stadium, which is in North Miami, closer to Ft. Lauderdale than to where I live.  I got to go with my friend "V" and her family and friends.  Her mother and sister were part of a group that sang the National Anthem. The game was supposed to be partially dedicated to celebrating organ transplantation, but that never seemed to happen.  We still wore our shirts in support of organ donation and transplantation. 

I did have a good time, though there were a few things to be learned here:

1. Late November in Miami is still hot, especially on a cloudless day.  I had no sunscreen and no hat.  $24 later I had a brand new Dolphins visor that I will now wear for other things...like running!
2. Food is way too expensive at all parks, and the food at the stadium was pretty bad (at least at the grill).  The lemon chill was fine though (and usually is).  The black bean burger was blah.  The fries looked soggy. Barbecue looked good, but I don't eat that.
3. Parking is terrible and expensive and they made someone who was disabled pay $25 to park when there wasn't even a space available.  
4. Don't plan on getting out of the park and home at a reasonable time.  I didn't get home until after 6 and the game ended a little after 3!

Here are my pics of the fun and game(s).

View of Sun Life Stadium

Another view of the stadium

A little bit of football action...or time out action to be exact.

Looking at the jumbotron

Friends having a good time.

Cheerleaders

Bush on the board

And the sprinklers came on...

The Dolphins inflated mascot.

Year 2, Day 74: 11/24/12

A Day Late...A Dollar Short?  Not sure if that works for my Saturday, but that's what my Dad would have said.  I chose not to post lat night (please take note of the word choice here...chose).  I did not forget, I decided not to post.  Why?  I'm not sure.  Maybe I just didn't feel up to it.  Maybe I didn't want to spill my guts to my online journal (and the few friends who occasionally read my posts).  Maybe I didn't feel I could be truthful enough to write what I really felt so I chose not to write at all.  Today I'll have to make up for that.  I hated yesterday.  And the sad thing is, I don't know why.  I spent most of the day doing normal things - I went for my run, I did laundry, I did some cooking, I got some writing in.  But the whole time I just kept thinking, "I hate this."  The problem is, I don't know what the "this" is that I'm referring to.  Do I hate my apartment with my loud neighbors?  Do I hate feeling lonely though I'm surrounded by people in this world?  Do I hate my job, and dread going back on Monday?  Do I hate my life in general?  Yesterday, I think it might have been all of that and then some.  But as I went to bed last night, I couldn't help but to cry a bit...and not understand why.

Year 2, Day 73: 11/23/12

Back Home Again.  I made it back home form my short Thanksgiving trip and though I have a lot to be thankful for, I also had a few things that I could have done without.  Here they are, in no particular order:

• I forgot to take out the trash before I left for my parents on Tuesday.  The apartment does not smell very good right now!
• My uncle is a childish jerk (I say this with love).  My dad asks him not to smoke in the house when I'm visiting (cigarette smoke bothers me a lot), he ignored my dad, chain smoked the first night so that I woke up six times that night and wound up just getting out of bed early and going for a run.  He went almost all day Thursday without doing anything and again smoked during the night when I was trying to sleep.  And then today (Friday), he didn't even try to pretend that he wasn't smoking in the house.  Like I said, a childish jerk...but he's family, so what can you do?

Year 2, Day 72: 11/22/12

Happy Thanksgiving.  What am I thankful for today (and hopefully everyday)?  Today, I'm thankful to be alive and to have a family that I can enjoy time with.  It isn't always fun, and yes - we fight, but there is always love there.  I'm grateful that the get together my mom planned was well attended and had great turn out.  I'm thankful that I got to meet my newest cousin (welcome, Christena Aalliyah Danielle Allen), and see her with her great grandmother.  I'm thankful that my uncle came out of his cave of a room and tried to socialize (yes, tried!).  I'm thankful that I had a roof over my head, food on the table, and love in my heart.

Year 2, Day 71: 11/21/12

Happy Pre-Turkey Day!  I am completely done in - been up cooking since pre-8am.  We did pinto beans, the turkey, cornbread for the dressing, an oreo cake (for my niece's belated birthday), failed cupcakes (turned into brownies!), green beans, 2 7-layer salads, potato salad, turnip greens and tomorrow we finish everything else.  Here is a pic of the oreo cake - not sure how it tastes, but hopefully it is tasty!

That's all for tonight - time to get some sleep if I can.

Year 2, Day 70: 11/20/12

Better Late Than Never: I'm sure that is what a lot of people were saying yesterday and will be saying today (Wednesday) as they try to travel home.  I was lucky, my flights were relatively unaffected by weather or the bulk of travel.  As a matter of fact, my last flight got in only 10 minutes late.  After an hour and half drive I finally arrived at my parent's place and settled in to grocery shopping with mom and tv watching with dad.  Thus, I didn't do a post yesterday.  The good news is that my parents got the Internet at their home (finally!) so I can check my e-mail, post on my blog, and do research while I'm here.  Nothing too eventful from yesterday, though I got to go to work early...and realized I didn't have a key to get into the library!  Oh, and never, ever, do the economy parking at Fort Lauderdale - after I looped the library (15 minutes later), I found the parking...and they still charge me $7.50 a day!  At least I can use my sunpass to pay (no need to try to keep up with a ticket!).

Year 2, Day 69: 11/19/12

Travel Day Tomorrow!  Off to see the fam tomorrow for the Thanksgiving holiday.  Maybe its the stress of getting ready to travel, or maybe it was just because it was Monday but I was not a very pleasant person to be around this morning.  I can say that most of it was due to people who just can't seem to get it together!  All of the waffling over little things and ignoring the larger things that are really at issue.  We really shouldn't still be talking about what types of chairs we want at this stage.  And we should also already know what part of the construction the university is going to cover and which part we have to cover.  ARRRGGHHHH!!!!  But at least I get to go home tomorrow!

Year 2, Day 68: 11/18/12

Laundry Shouldn't Take So Long.  With my stackable washer and dryer, I now find that it takes me hours just to do three loads of laundry!  I started out today at 10am and didn't finish until almost 8pm, and that was just for 3 loads!  The dryer takes twice as long to dry one load as I'm used to.  And the washer is so small that I can't really put a lot in there. I'm definitely starting to think I'm going to be moving at the end of my first year here.  I hate the idea of moving, but really, really, really need to find a place where I can have a full washer and dryer, where the neighbors are courteous enough to not play their music too loud after 10pm, or start doing their laundry before 9am on a Sunday (since their laundry room is right next to my bedroom wall!!!!!).  Oh, and also a place with a better fitness center (or an actual fitness center).  I know, in Miami that is not very likely!

Year 2, Day 67: 11/17/12 - "I Can Dream About You"

"I can dream about you,

If I can't hold you tonight..."

-"I Can Dream About You" by Dan Hartman

Short and Sweet:  Three phone conversations and things look promising (other than the distance).  Might get to meet in January when he's visiting the area.  Maybe then we'll see whether or not this is anything worth following up on.  In the meantime, I get to wonder and wish and hope.  No matter what, I hope I've made a new friend - I definitely need some of those!

I can dream about you If I can't hold you tonight

Read more: DAN HARTMAN - I CAN DREAM ABOUT YOU LYRICS

I can dream about you If I can't hold you tonight

Read more: DAN HARTMAN - I CAN DREAM ABOUT YOU LYRICS

Year 2, Day 66: 11/16/12

Out and About: Okay, for all of my friends who have told me that I need to get out and do something in Miami, you will be happy to know that I did go out after work tonight.  Some of my coworkers invited me to go to Monty's (Caribbean, seafood, music, dancing, etc).  The baked tilapia was delicious, as were the black beans and rice - very simple but also very generous.  The onion rings were huge, but not all that good (too greasy, not enough breading).  I had to valet park because the lot next to the restaurant was full when I arrived (though they let me in with a ticket...luckily they didn't charge me to go right back out).  But the valet was actually cheaper than the parking in downtown San Antonio!  They had a live band and a DJ.  Others said the other food and the drinks were good, so it seems to be a good place to visit.  I enjoyed it, and it was right by the water, so I felt like I was truly seeing Miami.  And yes, I did get up and dance (they played the Cupid Shuffle, so I had to dance!).  Maybe I'll get to do something fun after Thanksgiving.  Tomorrow, its work, work, work to make up for missing some time for the holidays.  Oh well!

Year 2, Day 65: 11/15/12

Don't Get Your Hopes Up!  Okay, so just when I was getting ready to give up on Match, I may have met someone who is super nice.  Of course, there are issues - he lives in NY...yes, the city and state.  And I'm here, in Miami.  But I just got the chance to talk to him for the first time and we talked for 2 hours.  My first thoughts about the conversation?  It went really well!  And he has a nice voice!  And yes, a NY accent, but its kind of cute.  Oh well, just gotta see where it goes from here.  Who knows, things might work out.  But don't get your hopes up (that's for me as well).  I'm just taking this one day at a time!

Year 2, Day 64: 11/14/12

Surreal Reality  Listening to a non-librarian tell librarians which projects to focus on is downright...scary.  Or maybe just insulting, on at least one level.  That's what I had to endure today and I have no doubt that others were thinking the same thing.  With all of the things going on right now for us, taking on anything new is a bad idea.  But that's what a group was assigned to do today - to focus on something that is not a priority, and that will take the time of a lot of people to accomplish.  So much for not doing any harm.

Year 2, Day 63: 11/13/12

A Full Day of Research and I Accomplished Nothing for Myself...I know that helping out a faculty member is important and I'm glad I did, but I just spent nearly 6 hours trying to find "concrete" information rather than the iffy information available online.  And even when I found it, it wasn't "concrete" enough.  By the time I got done, I had worked on nothing that I was supposed to and it was already 6pm.  Then I spent 45 minutes in traffic.  I think I can easily call this a wasted day!  Now, to find that answer for him so that I can get on with my own research and work needs tomorrow!

Non-NANOWRIMO: My "I'm not participating in Nanowrimo by participating in Nanowrimo" ploy seems to be working.  The story is moving and the words are flowing (okay, sometimes trickling).  I'm at least still motivated by this story, which I suspect will be important for me actually finishing the story.  Of course, I'm also having odd dreams with my characters showing up (very odd!).  But at least that keeps things fresh in my mind (even if a little oddly "real").

Year 2, Day 62: 11/12/12

An Extra Day at Home...Not Good!  We had an extra day off this weekend for Veteran's Day and while I know I should have enjoyed it more, I must say I felt like I wasted the day!  I did get out for my usual Monday morning run, but by the time I got home I was too tired to do more today.  Then I managed to make my lunch for the week, make egg rolls, use of the leftover rice krispies and marshmallows to make some barely edible rice krispie treats, and knit four rows on the next blanket.  Most would call that productive, but not me.  Oh well, back to work tomorrow and lots to do, so I might as well go to bed and hope for another sunny day.

Self Image - Self Conscious: They go hand in hand with me and I know I have a low self-image of myself, which makes me very self conscious whenever I'm out in public.  I'm trying to work on the former since it should automatically improve the latter, but I'm finding it harder and harder to do.  I'm such a realist and so logical that I have trouble listening to my own suggestions for others when I say don't worry about what society thinks of you.  Its easier said than done!

Year 2, Day 61: 11/11/12

Challenge: I've been slacking off on my health lately (despite my constant exercise, vitamin taking, and pseudo-healthy eating), so I decided to challenge myself to lose 10 pounds by Christmas.  That shouldn't be too hard for me - I once lost 30 pounds in one month.  But that was when I still carried around a lot of extra weight, so losing these extra 10 pounds has been like the biggest hurdle I've ever faced.  The odd thing is that I don't feel as if I'm carrying around an extra 10 pounds. Apparently my body type has changed and the 10 pounds have been distributed to different areas (some good and some bad).  But I was able to get into a size 10 dress that I haven't worn since my cruise back in 2010.  Of course, it felt like I was wearing a corset, but who needs to breath, right? I'll start tomorrow on rebalancing my diet, diversifying my workouts, and getting more sleep.  I can only hope that those three things will be enough to help me drop those pounds.  Now I just have to figure out how to get rid of the 10 pounds that I want gone and not the 10 that I don't mind having!

By Popular Demand: Here is a picture of the homemade peanut butter cups that I made.  First of all, let me just say that these were nothing but straight sugar!  If I needed sugar to boost my energy, one of these would be enough to not only boost it, but send me straight into sugar shock!  I doubt I'll ever make them again (at least, not in full-size), because it was also time-consuming.  But wow, talk about too sweet!

Year 2, Day 60: 11/10/12

Getting Out and About...Sort of:  I spent the evening having dinner and conversation and a movie with my supervisor and another colleague.  It was nice to socialize outside of work with the freedom to speak freely.  We also watched Magic Mike which was an interesting movie, to say the least.  There was some nice eye candy, but the story was super weak.  So glad I didn't pay money to see this in the theaters because it would have been a true waste of the cash.  But again, nice eye candy!  I also made dessert for us, peanut butter cups.  I'll post pictures tomorrow since it is so late and I really need to go to sleep!

Year 2, Day 59: 11/9/12

What a Tough Day!  Today was just tough.  Long meetings, odd meetings, impromptu meetings.  Meetings!  I feel as if I got nothing at all accomplished either.  The day also didn't start out great, after the following sequence of events:

• Woke up at 2:30am and took another hour to go back to sleep.
• Went into real sleep right around the time my alarm went off.
• Knocked alarm off of table trying to turn it off, and somehow my glasses were tangled with the cord, so off the table they went too. Spent the next five minutes blindly scrambling around the floor trying to find them.
• Forgot to check the temperature and got dressed for my run as if it was already 80 degrees.  Turned back around and changed before heading out.  Hit the gate to get out of the complex and found it to be locked for the first time since I've moved here.  I have a key, but they did not replace the broken knob on the inside, so I couldn't get out.  Luckily we have a treadmill in the fitness center.
• There was no air blowing in the fitness center, so it was like running in a sauna within 5 minutes.  Then I had to go back out into the cold with no jacket since I didn't expect to be drenched during my run! Also managed to hit my head as I was trying to squeeze between the treadmill and the weight machine.

Too bad I couldn't just go back to bed (no sick leave yet, and had to use it up just for a doctor's appointment).

Year 2, Day 58: 11/8/12 - "My Own Worst Enemy"

"Sometimes it seems to me

I am my own worst enemy..."

-"My Own Worst Enemy" by Lit

Sometimes I'm Not Nice to Myself: When I make a mistake tends to be the obvious times.  Like today, when I realized I had done something accidentally (and easily done) that could come back to hurt someone else.  Never my intention but too late to correct it.  All the way home I was mentally kicking myself, calling myself names, on the verge of tears.  No matter how many times I try to tell myself that it will be okay, that they'll understand, that nothing bad will happen, I always come back around to "yeah, but you screwed up, which makes you stupid."  *sigh*  I really need to work on this because it is definitely not good for my self-esteem or my stress levels.  I know it will keep me from sleeping tonight, and likely tomorrow night, and into the long weekend.  I'll even be thinking about it years from now.  Why?  I'm stupid that way.

Year 2, Day 57: 11/7/12

The Aftermath: I saw and heard a lot of things before and during the election that angered and saddened me.  But nothing hit me as hard as the recent reports of the twitter comments from people that are so hateful, so disgusting, and so completely archaic, that I couldn't even bring myself to post a link to the story here.  I will not sully my blog with their idiocy.  But I will admit to getting teary eyed for the first time over the situation that we are all now in.  We live in a world (not just a country), where we continue to judge people by the color of their skin, or by their gender.  We continue to tell people they can or cannot do something because that was the way it was years ago.  As a black female, I feel as if I am hit over the head daily with stories about people of color or women (or both) doing something that others aren't sure they should do.  My case in point?  A story about a 9 year old girl who is playing tackle football...and kicking ass at it.  Instead of people just saying "hey, there is this 9 year old kid who is a dynamo on the football field" we hear "Isn't it great that she is doing this, but I think her family should be worried about her getting hurt...I'm not sure girls should play football!"  I say? Shut the fuck up and stop trying to classify someone based on their gender! Why do women have to prove everyday that some of us an and should be able to do the same things that men do?  There are things about us that do make us different (male vs. female) and in those things, yes, we likely should not try to change nature.  But in the things that we have created...int his world that we have created, there is no reason why some women should not be able to do the same things as men.

Isn't it enough that for the majority of us, we will never be as strong or as fast?  But we don't have to beat you to be able to participate and excel.  Women can run marathons and not hurt themselves any more than a man running the same marathon.  A man will come in first, but women aren't far behind.  At this year's Boston marathon, the top female finisher was only 18 minutes behind the top male finisher.  That's only 18 minutes people, not 18 hours, or 18 days....18 minutes.  No, I don't think that most women will want to compete with men, especially when we hit levels where men will be bigger and stronger due to nature.  But when we are younger, girls are often faster, taller, bigger, and just as agile as boys.  Let them play while they can!  You might get a surprise or two as some women (like me) will be as big and as strong as the boys...and we'll want to play.  I wish I could have played - I deserved that chance, as do all women.  I hope that one day they will get that chance.

Here's the link to the story about the 9 year old girl.  I hope she keeps playing for as long as she can! 

Year 2, Day 56: 11/6/12

Election Drama: I said I wasn't going to watch the election results, but I can't help it - it's too important for me to pretend that I don't want to know what is going on.  I started the night down, feeling as if we didn't have a chance, but the rest of the world is saying "hold on" because nothing is written in stone.  It's tight, is all I know.  I know people say that Obama winning in 2008 was big and it was a big deal for our country.  But it would be an even bigger deal if he won tonight, because it would prove that we could look past our prejudices, past our insecurities and make a decision based on real issues.  We'll have to see.  The larger counties in Florida are still out, so it's not over yet.  I might not be able to sleep tonight...

Year 2, Day 55: 11/5/12 - "Foolish Games"

"And I watched from my window

Always felt I was outside

Looking in on you.

Well excuse me, guess I've mistaken you for somebody else

Somebody who gave a damn

Somebody more like myself..."

-"Foolish Games" by Jewel

Letting Go: It's so easy to hang on to something because it gives you comfort or hope.  But there has to be a time when you let those false things go, especially when you realize that they are based on a false idea.  I knew that there was a never a chance for us - knew that we would never be together, but I always had hope.  Thank you for taking that from me, today.  I am a bit thick-skulled at times and I didn't want to see the message, but it was loud and clear.  I'm so glad I never told you how I felt - because now I don't ever have to and I can at least still have the one thing that is true, and that is our friendship.

Why I Teach, and Why I Will Continue to Teach:  I got the following message from one of my student's who took my class back when I was at NCSU:

hey kawanna,
I am in vet school now and we are doing application based learning exercises right now which requires lots of library research. I just wanted to let you know I appreciate the leg up your class gave me in my research and citation skills. I am using refworks account I made for the class :)

Now, if that isn't a reason to be happy to be a teacher, I don't know what else is!  It helps that this was a bright student (though, I think all of my students were bright!).  I know she'll be a great vet and I can't wait to see what else she does in life!

The Future of America?  I've often expressed my concern about the ability of the generation that is coming up now to actually keep our society going in any positive direction.  Today I had those concerns (fears?) affirmed (or reaffirmed?).  I was on the 2nd lap of my morning run around the park that is near my house, and what do I smell?  Smoke.  But not just any smoke - marijuana smoke (no, you don't have to smoke it to know what it smells like).  There was a group of kids standing next to one of the park benches and I saw one of them spew the smoke out and then place his hand behind him as I approached.  Did he really think that I couldn't smell the smoke?  Does he really think that people are that stupid that they don't know what he and his friends were doing?  My response, I asked them to at least take it away from the track.  I can't make them make better choices about their lives (not smoking marijuana before getting on the school bus or driving off in your car would be a better choice), but at least I can let them know that the rest of us aren't oblivious to what they are doing.  We aren't stupid either.  I'd also appreciate not having my air contaminated any more than it already is - I want to run and get an endorphin high, not a drug high!

Year 2, Day 54: 11/4/12 - "Losing My Religion"

"That's me in the corner
That's me in the spotlight
Losing my religion
Trying to keep a view
And I don't know if I can do it
Oh no, I've said too much
I haven't said enough..."

-"Losing My Religion" by R.E.M.

Why Are Sunday's So Rough?  This is the 3rd Sunday in a row where I've dealt with a headache for the full day.  I've tried drinking more water, exercising, resting, not reading, etc., and nothing seems to be working.  I'm on the verge of having a migraine here, and that is definitely not something I want to try to deal with leading into the work week.  I can only hope that I'll be able to sleep tonight and wake up tomorrow feeling rested and headache free (I can dream, you know!).

Moving the Story: For those who are reading my story, Four Crossings, I'm moving it to it's own blog.  I have a habit of posting the chapters for the story as if they are my true blog post, and that is not the intention of my blog.  So, if you are reading it, here is the link to the new blog just for the story.  Feel free to leave comments there so that I can know how to improve the story.  If anything doesn't make sense, let me know that as well! http://fourcrossings.blogspot.com/

Year 2, Day 53: 11/3/12

Creative Day:  I decided to spend today working on my book and knitting.  The end result?  Over 2,000 words on my book, and over 20 rows knitted on my blanket (which is around 2,000 stitches, give or take!).  Overall, not a bad day for my creative projects.  I'm hoping to continue the theme tomorrow and see if I can do the same number of rows and words.  I also managed to clean the living room, partially clean the bedroom, run 6.3 miles, make (and burn) pancakes, and watch lots of football.  Not bad for a Saturday in November!  Tonight I'm enjoying the extra hour from Day Lights Savings Time and sleeping in tomorrow!  Got lots to do and have to keep my momentum up!

Year 2, Day 52: 11/2/12 - "Simple Man"

"Oh, take your time, don't live too fast
Troubles will come and they will pass...

"Forget your lust for the rich man's gold
All that you need is in your soul...

...don't you worry, you'll find yourself
Follow your heart and nothing else..."

-"Simple Man" by Shinedown

Quiet Day: I'm pretending that today was a quiet day, but really it was a crazy one!  Nothing too extreme happened, but I did find out something about someone that makes them someone to add to my "watch" list.  And I also found out that there is always more work to do than there are people to do it.  This is often exacerbated by a few individuals who do not want to do any work!  But really, it was a quiet day...

Year 2, Day 51: 11/1/12

"Blah"  That was my word of the day today - just didn't feel well!  Too bad too, because it was absolutely beautiful outside.  I came home early to rest and knit - it made me feel a bit better but I'm still not "right."  At least tomorrow is Friday and if I can get through that, then I have the weekend.  No plans this time, unlike last week.  Haven't decided yet if that is good or bad!!!!

Year 2, Day 50: 10/31/12 - "Anything Goes"

"But anything goes,
When everything's gone
You ain't around to give a damn,
Whether I do right or wrong
So bring it on,
Anything goes,
When everything's gone."

-"Anything Goes" by Randy Houser

My, My, Aren't We Forgetful!  So last night was truly the first night that I simply forgot to post on my blog.  I've posted late before, usually because I realize that I hadn't done my post right as I was getting into bed.  But I didn't think about posting until later today.  So officially....I forgot.  My excuse?  I don't really have one other than just being overly tired and thinking about too many things.

Halloween Fun:  I don't actually like Halloween...I know, I'm a scrooge for any holiday, not just Christmas.  I had lots of candy this year, though, since I figured there would be kids in the complex who would come around.  But then I found out about the Halloween fair down the street at the park and I knew there would be no kiddies this year.  I wound up getting only 2, really late in the evening.  The rest of the candy has been taken to work to haunt my co-workers.  I did have some fun with baking and made some cute chocolate cupcakes with white icing and orange Halloween themed cookies stuck in them.  Check them out:

Here I Come!  I manged to get both of my tickets for Thanksgiving and Christmas for flights on Southwest, combined for $500.  I have to fly on odd days but I think it will be worth it to see my family.  Of course, it means I have to use up every last bit of my vacation since I don't have much saved up, but so be it!

Year 2, Day 49: 10/30/12

Spookie Cookie Time!  I decided to make sugar cookies for work tomorrow and since it is Halloween, I made them orange!  A few got too brown which means they started to look pink rather than orange, but overall they are very orange-y!  Now I know I can make successful sugar cookies in any color (though I need to be careful with the dye!

Year 2, Day 48: 10/29/12 - "Ocean Front Property"

"I got some ocean front property in Arizona.
From my front porch you can see the sea.
I got some ocean front property in Arizona.
If you'll buy that, I'll throw the golden gate in free."

-"Ocean Front Property" by George Strait

My Newest Plants!  I think these came from the Lufah seeds I planted (that's what I was told they were).  Of course, I can't really tell yet, but I'm so happy they are growing already!  I planted them last Sunday (October 22nd) and when I checked on them on Friday three of them had sprouted!  So I moved them into the living room so they could get better sun and they just started shooting up!  I'll leave them in this small pot for the rest of this week and then try to report them each separately to give them the most room to grow.  Hope I do a better job keeping them alive than I did with my Eddie. :-(

Such Unpredictable Weather!   Here I was worrying that the hurricane would change direction and hit Miami, but it's the upper East Coast that is taking the full brunt of the storm!  Here, we got some rain and wind, but nothing too scary.  Today was much cooler and really very nice in Miami (enough to wear long sleeves all day!).  But the rest of the coast is getting slammed by this Frankenstorm, as they are calling this mess.  I can only hope that people stay inside and stay safe!

Year 2, Day 47: 10/28/12

Voting Woes: After yesterday and today, I can now understand why so many people do not want to bother voting.  It was such a hassle!  I wound up waiting in line for over 3 hours to get into the voting room.  Once in there, it took me less than 5 minutes to fill out my ballot.  Then another five minute wait to get the ballot scanned in.  The worst part?  Once I was in the actual voting room it became very clear what the real issue was: there weren't enough people there to check IDs and verify ballots and information.  They had maybe 5 to 6 checking ID's and giving out the basic ballots.  Then there were only 3 ladies calling out numbers and verifying ballots and giving out the final ballots.  This meant that there was a long line of people waiting outside, while there were over twenty voting booths waiting empty as the volunteers weren't able to keep up with the flow.  Get more volunteers, Florida!  There's no way they can keep up with the demand using only the few they had.

Goodbye, Eddie - Hello, ????  Most people know that I had a houseplant named Eddie, that I gave way too much life too.  Sadly, on the trip to Miami, Eddie decided that he didn't want to move and started to wilt and die.  I tried everything to save him, pruning, repotting, etc.  But nothing worked.  Today I finally threw away the last of Eddie.  I moved Edith (my other plant) into Eddie's larger plot and hopefully she will continue to grow.  In one of my smaller pots I planted some Lufah seeds that were given to me.  On Sunday I planted about eight seeds.  Yesterday I noticed that some had sprouted!  I moved them into the sun and already they have grown another inch (in one day!). Now I'll need to move them to their own pots as well and hope that they grow.  Not sure how long it will take for them to grow their own Lufahs, but it is nice to have something grow instead of die.  But I'll still my Eddie!  I'll start posting pictures of the new plants tomorrow.

Four Crossings, Chapter 2:  For those who are reading Four Crossings for me, here is Chapter 2.  I did make some changes to Chapter 1 based on feedback.  I'll need to update that post with the new information!

Chapter 2

            Des stood crouched in a glade of bushes, though with the weather cooperating by bringing in thick, dark storm clouds to blot out the moon, she really didn’t have much need to hide.

            But she had dressed for all possibilities, covered in black from head to toe, night vision goggles covering her eyes.  Esme was similarly outfitted but waiting in the van where she could also monitor the situation through the small camera and mic that were attached to Des’s gear.

            “What’s your location, Big D?” Esme’s voice crackled through the headset that Des wore.

            Des smiled at the nickname, “I’m ten feet from the tracks near the first switching station, Little E.  Are you in position?”

            “I’m well hidden near the second switching station, awaiting your arrival.  ETA of your transport is four minutes and counting.”

            Des checked the watch on her wrist and set the timer.  “I’ll be going silent in three, back on as soon as I locate the cargo.  Should see you in thirty.”

            “Roger that, Big D.  Be careful out there.”

            Des gave a short laugh, “Ain’t nothing out here scarier than me right now, Little E.  But I’ll be careful.”

            Esme heard the hardness in her sister’s voice along with something that sounded like resignation.  The hardness she understood, but the resignation bothered here.  She’d have to have a talk with her sister when this was all over.

            Three minutes later, the absence of noise through her equipment told her that Des had gone silent.  Now all Esme could do was sit back and wait.

            Des moved closer to the tracks as she saw the transport rolling into the switching station.  The transports were unmanned and controlled by a centralized computer system.  Because of this, switching stations that would have normally been manually tripped to ensure transports stayed on the correct track or switched tracks when needed, were also controlled by the system.  A system that was so old and outdated that the transports had to slow to a stop while the signal was relayed from the main station. 

Des would have, at a minimum, five minutes to break into the cell where the weapon was being kept before the transport moved on.  She would then have a full thirty minutes to assess the weapon and determine whether she would need to destroy it.  Once she arrived at the second switching station she would need to get herself and possibly the weapon, out of the cell and into the waiting van driven by her sister.

Easy enough.  She snorted softly before settling lightly on her toes as she prepared to board the transport.  She wasn’t crazy enough to believe that anything about this job was going to be easy.  She could only hope that whatever awaited her on that transport was something she could handle.

The transport rolled loudly to a halt only a few feet from where Des crouched.  Though she knew the area was empty, her constant scanning and checking since her arrival had reassured her of that, she still hesitated before she stepped out of the shadows of her hiding spot.

There was something about this whole job that was setting off internal warning bells, but they weren’t the usual ones.  Whatever happened tonight, whatever the outcome of this job, Des knew that her life would be forever changed.  This weapon, whatever it was, was going to have a bigger impact on her life than she could even imagine.

Whether that impact was positive or negative was yet to be determined. 

Taking one last deep breath, Des moved quickly out of the bushes and reached the transport in two long strides.  Grabbing the back rail that surrounded the small outer deck she launched herself up and onto the back deck.  Remaining crouched, she pulled a small light from a pocket on her cargo pants and used it to locate the access panel along the back door. 

The keypad looked exactly as Arguletti’s directions had described and Des easily keyed in the ten-digit code that she had memorized.  With a small snick she heard the lock on the door click open.  Remaining small she pulled the door open and slid through as quickly as she could.  Arguletti had assured her that there were no guards traveling with the weapon, but Des thought it best to stay cautious.

The container was cold and dark, but not as quiet as Des had expected it to be.  She remained low, on one knee, listening intently to the sounds the container made. 

She heard a continuous mechanical hum that could be a cooling system or almost anything else.  She forced herself to control her breathing to eliminate her own internal noises from the myriad sounds assailing her.

Another long moment of silence and Des was able to determine the difference between the overhead cooling system controlling the temperature in the container, and the sound of the transport itself.  There was one additional hum that she now focused on, as Arguletti’s directions had informed her that the weapon was contained in a separate system that kept the weapon constantly charged.

After another minute of stillness to assure herself that there were no other sounds to indicate another presence or danger, Des allowed herself a full breath and arose to her full height in the dark room.

And that’s when she knew she had made a mistake.

            Esme sat in the van tinkering with the radio dial, though she knew it was futile.  She checked her watch for what felt like the hundredth time that night and sighed heavily when she realized that only five minutes had passed since Des had gone silent.

            Waiting was always the hardest part, though she knew that Des could handle herself.  And though worrying was about as futile as trying to get a station to come in on the limited range radio, Esme would still worry as she waited for word from her sister.

            She fiddled some more and then sat back with a huff when she was greeted by more static and silence.

            She found her fingers fidgeting towards the dial again when Des’ voice came over the formerly silent ear piece.

“It’s a set up.” Des spoke into her mic as she stared at the solid barrier that had come down after she had accidentally triggered a secondary security system. 

“What?” Esme asked.

Des sighed heavily, “Arguletti set me up, Sis.  He made sure I could get through the so-called security system when it was just a smoke screen.  The real system kicked in the minute I stood up in the container.”

Esme was silent for a moment before her voice finally crackled over the ear piece.

“You trapped?”

Des touched the cool wall, feeling for any weakness or give.  It was a smooth material that seemed to be radiating some sort of energy, but it was not painful to the touch.

“Yeah, looks that way.”

“I’ll come get you.”

“No!”  Des knew her voice was too sharp, but she wouldn’t risk her sister getting caught as well.  She tried to soften her tone, “Not until I know what we’re dealing with.  Stay put until I figure out what I need to do to get out of here.”

Esme was silent which told Des that she had won.  Now she needed to concentrate on how to get out of the container in the thirty minutes she had left.

She abandoned the hi-tech barrier and decided to explore the rest of the space for possible ways out.  The weapon briefly flitted through her mind as a possible tool, but its unknown qualities made her abandon that thought quickly.  She was just as likely to kill herself with it as she was to be able to use it.  If there even was an “it.”

That thought brought her up short as she considered for the first time that there was no weapon and that whatever was in this transport container was indeed valuable but not in the way that she had been told.

“Shit.”

Esme jumped on that one word.  “What?  What is it?”

Des shook her head as if her sister could see her.  “Nothing Esme.  I was just realizing that there might not be a weapon here at all.”

Esme snorted in a way that said ‘I told you so,’ but Des ignored her.

“I’m going to check out the rest of the container to see if I can find another way out.  Keep the com open – I’ll check in as soon as I know something.”

“Five minutes, Sis.  Check in every five minutes so that I know that you are okay.”

Des sighed but understood her sister’s request.  “Every ten, and before you argue, remember that I don’t know how much air I have in here.”

Esme was silent so Des took her silence as assent and began walking around the container.  Despite her initial thought that no one else was in the space with her, Des sensed that she wasn’t alone and pulled the small light from her pants and switched it on.

The container was large but mostly empty.  Swinging the light around quickly, Des turned in a circle until the light flashed off of something in the far back corner.  Focusing in on it, Des moved slowly across the open space until she was able to make out what appeared to be a large metal box standing upright.

Using the light, Des guessed the box was at least seven feet high and five feet across.  She was still too far away to see how deep it was and the dark container did not allow her to see the difference between the depth of the box and the container’s back wall.

Still moving slowly, Des had just stepped within arms reach of the box when she picked up a low hum. She hesitated slightly but continued towards the box when the hum stayed steady and low. 

Placing her hands on the outside of the box, she could feel a steady vibration that seemed to mimic the humming noise she could hear.  She began to run her hands around the box, looking for a latch or a clasp in order to open it, but grunted in frustration when she couldn’t even find a seam.  Whoever had created this box had used stellar technology designed to keep most people out.  But Des wasn’t most people.

She knelt in front of the box and began checking for space near the base.  She spoke while she worked.

“Esme?”

Her sister replied right away.  “Here, Sis.  You got something?”

“Yeah, I may have found the weapon.”

Des could imagine her sister sitting up straighter in the seat of the van as if improving her posture would get her closer to the possible action.

“What is it?”

Des grunted again as she failed to find any openings or seams along the bottom of the box.  “Not sure yet.  The damn thing doesn’t have any seams in the front or along the sides or bottom.  I’m going to climb up on top to see if I can get to the back a little better.”

“Climb up on top?  Des, how big is this thing?”

Des caught the top of the box and tried to clamber up the front towards the top, but found the metal surface to be too slick for her to get a toe hold.  She jumped back to the floor before she responded to her sister.

“About seven feet tall, as far as I can tell.  But I can’t get a foothold and it’s too slick for me to gain any purchase.”

She stepped back further and squinted her eyes at the box before slowly moving around to the side.

            “It’s about six feet deep too.  Whatever is inside of it must be pretty massive.”

            “Too massive for you to move alone?”

          Des heard the eagerness in her sister’s voice and smiled.  “Stay put, Little E.  If I need you I’ll let you know.”

            Esme sighed heavily enough to be heard over the com link but Des ignored her and continued to ponder the dilemma of how to get into the box.

            She used her light to check out the back edge of the box and smirked when she saw that there was at least three inches of space between the box and the wall of the container.

           She stood on tiptoe and ran her fingers down the back of the box slowly, feeling for a latch, a button, a seam.  Anything to indicate a way to open the unit.  Almost exactly halfway down, her gloved finger snagged on what felt like a hole.  She hesitated only briefly before she slipped her finger into the hole and gave a satisfied “hmmph” when her finger pressed a hidden button and she heard the tell-tale release of air as a compression lock released.

            Sliding back, she watch in surprise as the unit appeared to expand in size, with its depth increasing inch by inch.

            “E, I found the switch to open the box.”

            “What’s in it?  What did you find?”

            Des stood in silence for a long moment, simply watching the progression of the box as it slid open.  “Don’t know yet.  It’s still opening.”

            “Well, tell it to hurry up!”

            Des shook her head as if her sister could see her.  Ever the impatient one, Esme never wanted to wait for anything.  But Des had no control over the speed in which the box was opening, and the trepidation she had been feeling since stepping onto the transport container was still there.  She wasn’t sure she really wanted to see what was in the box at all.

            “Should be any minute now, so keep your panties on.”

            Esme snorted, “As if I have any other choice in this place.”

            Des’ smile widened at her sister’s cranky tone.  The lack of decent men in Four Crossings was a whole other issue all together and not one she should be thinking about right then.  It wasn’t as if the answer to that problem was going to be in the box.

            When the box was nearly double the depth it had started at Des sensed that most of the movement had stopped.  She stepped closer to see if there were any additional openings exposed by the movement and had to jump back quickly to avoid the sudden open swing of what was now a type of lid for the box.

            “Whoa!”

            Esme’s voice came over the com link, “What?!  What is it?  You alright?”

            Des took a deep breath before responding.  “Yeah, I’m good.  It just moved in an unexpected way.  But it’s open now.”

            “Well?  What is it then?”

            Des moved around to look into the box, swinging her light into the darkened space, “Patience, young one.  Good things come to those who…”

            She froze as her light flickered over what could only be human flesh.  She narrowed her eyes as she stepped closer to the opening, bracing herself for what she now suspected might be a dead body.

            Esme noticed how her sister had trailed off and went on red alert in the van.  “Des?  What’s going on?  And fuck patience, you’re too damn quiet for it to be something good.”

            Des frowned grimly.  Her sister knew her too well.

            “It’s a body.”

            Esme paused, then “A what?”

            Des took another step toward the opening and steadied her small light, so that it rested on what she could now see was a naked chest.  “A body, Esme.”

            “A dead body?”

            Des shook her head as if her sister could see her and then remembered to speak out loud.  “Not sure yet.  I don’t hear any breathing and I can’t tell if his chest is rising and falling.”

            “So it’s male?”

            Des allowed her light to drift lower over the exposed skin, looking for signs of life and froze over the man’s genitals.  Her eyes widened as her eyebrows rose and she cleared her throat meaningfully.  “Uh, yeah.  He’s definitely male.”

            Esme heard the strangled quality of her sister’s voice and wondered at it.  It took a lot to faze Desdemona Quinn, but something she was seeing was definitely impacting her.

            “Sis, you alright?  Is something wrong with the body?”

            “Not as far as I can see here.” She mumbled before forcing herself to move the light back upwards towards the man’s face.  She was supposed to be figuring out if he was alive, not ogling his package.  But damn!  What a fine package it was!

            Des shook her head as if to clear it and then stepped fully up to the body, using her light at this closer proximity to look for signs of life.  She panned up and over his equally wide and impressive chest, but still could not tell by sight if he was breathing.  Then her light glinted off of something that looked like a wire or a tube.

            She stepped even closer and followed the tube to where it appeared to disappear behind his neck.  She couldn’t tell for sure because she couldn’t get close enough to see if it was simply in the box with him or actually connected to him, but she was beginning to have a sinking suspicion about this man.

            Wanting a closer look, she stepped up and into the box, putting herself in as close proximity as she could without actually touching the body.   It was then that she noticed just how big he was.  She had assumed the box was making him seem so much taller, but even after she stepped into the box with her own six foot frame, she realized that the man in the box was nearly a foot taller than she was.

            She still couldn’t see if he was connected to the tubing that she saw but she could now see the slight but steady thrum of his heartbeat in his neck.

            She spoke softly to her sister, “He’s alive.”

            Esme finished the thought, “But?”

            Des sighed heavily, “There’s something strange about him.  He may be hooked up to some sort of tubing in this box.”

            Back in the van Esme rolled her eyes.  “Des, he’s in a box on a transporter headed towards Four Crossing.  I think that would be strange enough.”

            Des agreed with her sister but there was something more.  “I don’t think he’s human, Esme.”

            There was a moment of silence and then her sister’s laughter came over the com link.

            Des ignored the sound and continued her visual perusal of the man, now taking in his features.  She noted the strong, wide jaw and the full lips.  The lighting was too low for her to know whether the shadows she saw on his face were a beard or his complexion.  She took in his nose, quirking a smile as she noticed a tell-tale crookedness and bump that likely indicated a previous break.  His eyes were closed but they were well-spaced and deep set.  His brows were thick and dark and Des expected him to have a matching shock of dark hair but was surprised to see a clean shaven head.

            Her eyes returned to the tubing that she could see behind his neck and she slowly reached towards it, wanting to find out if it was attached to him or not.  Her fingers made tentative contact and she flinched and pulled away at the shock of cold she felt even through her gloves.

            Changing tactics, she moved her hand to his neck and slid it around towards the spot where she expected the tubing to connect with the man if it was going to connect at all.  Her fingers made contact with what felt like a cold metal plate but she couldn’t tell if it was just touching the man’s neck or if it was a part of him.  The metal wasn’t as cold as the tubing had been and she continued exploring it with her fingers, pressing on the skin around the plate and noting that it appeared to be fused with the man’s skin.

            She pulled her hand back slowly and took a step backwards.  The temperature of the box and the extremely slow heartbeat reminded her of the stories she had heard of people being placed in cryostasis.  No one had ever believed the stories, though, and actual reports had indicated that no subjects who had been placed in cryostasis had ever been successfully revived.

            Maybe this man was part of an experiment that had worked.  He clearly had a heartbeat and though shallow, she now realized he was breathing.  She placed her hand softly against his chest to confirm, and felt a soft rising and falling motion.  Despite the chill of the container and the tubing that she had touched earlier, the man himself was actually very warm, his skin feeling near feverish even through her gloves.

            She pulled her hand back slowly and then stood there trying to figure out her next move.  She didn’t know who or what this man was, but his presence in the container and the security system told her that he was important to the people waiting for him in Four Crossings.

            But was he the weapon she had been sent to deliver or destroy?  If he was, she had no clue as to how she could use him for her own purposes.  It was likely that Arguletti had information about him that she did not.  He was likely counting on it. 

But why would he say that it was okay for her to destroy the weapon if the weapon was human?  Des shook her head at her own musings.  The odds of this man being anything other than a man in a box were slim to none.

Des sighed heavily, loud enough for Esme to pick up on it.

“What are you thinking, Big D?”

Des sighed again.  “I’m thinking that I need to quit staring at this naked man and find a way out of this damn container!”

Esme picked up on one word. “Naked?”

Des actually laughed at her sister.  “You would key in on that word, wouldn’t you?”

“Well, you did say it, so you obviously noticed it.”

“Hard not to notice, trust me on that one.”

“No fair, Big D.  I want to see him now!”

Something about the thought of Esme seeing this man naked didn’t sit right with Des.  She couldn’t quite put her finger on the emotion that the thought caused, but it definitely wasn’t good.

“Yeah, well if I don’t get out of this container before we hit Four Crossings, something tells me you’ll see us both on the front page of the Gazette.”

Esme was quiet since she had no suggestions for her sister, other than trying to shoot her way out.  But firing a weapon inside of a metal container was the equivalent of committing suicide.

“I’m going to check out the container again.  See if I can find another way out.”

Not waiting for Esme’s reply, Des tucked her light into her pocket and moved to step down from her perch on the box, when her foot slipped and she fell forward into the hard flesh of the man in the box.  She caught herself with her hands, but her right hand slipped from the man’s tight abs to the box below, making contact with what felt like a series of raised buttons.

Before she could move to explore what she had touched, Des saw the container flood with bright light and felt a change in the body that she now lay flush against.  Lifting her head to look at the man’s face, she stilled as emerald eyes met icy silver.

The man in the box was very much alive and Des had just managed to wake him up.