Another Dream Dies

Over the years, especially recently, I've watched a number of my dreams just die.  Not be pushed to the wayside, with the hope that one day I could revive them.  But totally gone, dead, and fading into nothingness.  Some of these dreams have been easier to let go than others.  And over the years I've formed fewer and fewer new dreams because I didn't want to deal with the pain that comes along with the loss.

About 6 months ago I allowed myself to dream again, and I dreamed big.  I went into this dream knowing full well that the odds were against me.  But I stupidly allowed myself to dream fully.  Today I found out that this newest dream was now dead.  Some have told me to not give up and to continue to dream - I'll find away. But I know this song, and I've danced this dance.  The finality is heart wrenching.  The pain is real.

This one is hurting more than I had thought and more than I know how to deal with. I realize now that I had gone so long, refusing to allow myself to dream, that I have lost my natural ability to just let it go.  I feel the stabbing pain of daggers being plunged into my heart.  I hear the sound of laughter as I lay on the floor bleeding.  I can no longer block it out and the pain in my head is very much real. 

I'm now in the coping phase - stages of grief happen for dreams as well.  But I'm not coping very well.  I'll likely be singing a lot (if you don't know, that is what I do - and I sing really sad songs, really badly).  Here is today's sad song and my sad voice trying to carry it along.  Listen at your own risk.  Maybe tomorrow won't be so bad...