Day 353: 8/29/12 - "Free and Easy Down the Road I Go"

"Got the sun shinin' on me like a big spotlight
So I know everything is gonna be alright

Ain't no tellin' where the wind might blow
Free and easy down the road I go
Livin' life like a Sunday stroll
Free and easy down the road I go..."

-"Free and Easy Down the Road I Go" by Dierks Bentley

Bad Omens!  The morning started out just fine but starting going down hill pretty quickly.  First, Two Men & a Truck called to try to reschedule for the afternoon.  I had to tell them no since we needed to leave in the afternoon - they were good with that, but they scared me!  We get to the Penske place to get the truck and find out that my car trailer is not there and I can't even get my truck because they don't know the number of the trailer and it has to be on the contract.  The trailer finally showed up 30 minutes late and we thought we were in luck, but then their computer system messed up and he couldn't process my reservation.  He tried rebooting his computer, and finally had to call corporate and have them void my original reservation and create another one.  Then the computer won't let him process a payment.  AAARRRGGGHHH!!!  I was supposed to have the truck back and in place by 10am and it kept getting later and later (I have to pay them by the hour, so even if I'm not there, they are getting paid!).  He called corporate again and they refused to help him!  He finally called his district and they were able to process my payment by phone (thank goodness), and we made it back at 10:30 am.  The movers were super nice and finished in 3 1/2 hours (including their travel time).  Dad and I finished cleaning and went back for the car carrier at 4:00 and hit the road at 4:15pm.  Phew!  I took over driving right outside of San Antonio and drove us all the way to Beaumont...where we almost didn't get a hotel!  We got lucky and I had to pay more than I wanted, but it was better than sleeping in the truck.  Wish us luck tomorrow - we've got a long haul (to Tallahassee, we hope) and we are bound to hit some water from the Hurricane (now Tropical storm) Isaac!

Day 352: 8/28/12 - "Drive"

"Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear..

And I, can't help but ask myself how much I let the fear, take the wheel and steer..."

-"Drive" by Incubus

Last Day at Work....The final part was hard - partly because I felt like I was leaving things undone (I worked up until the end!), and partly because I had to say my final goodbyes to some really great people.  I managed not to cry but just barely, and I only almost lost it when I finally saw my dad, because I realized that I had not seen anyone in my family since December of 2011!!!  Dad and I got some major cleaning and work done on the apartment before we had to finally call it a night and go to bed.  I tried to go to bed early but nto sure I succeeded - we'll see how tired I'll be tomorrow.  Wish me luck all!

Day 351: 8/27/12 - "Far Away"

"This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late"

-"Far Away" by Nickelback

Stay Flexible...I keep telling myself this as things seem to keep changing right under my feet.  I had my trip planned out completely until I got a call from my apartment complex telling me that I can't pick up my keys on Saturday after all - they are closed for the long weekend.  I have to be there no later than 4pm on Friday. 4pm?!?!  We weren't expecting to roll in until nearly Midnight if we were lucky.  Oh well, plans can change and you have to be able to change with the.  Luckily I didn't prepay any of my hotels and was able to cancel them.  I think Dad and I are just going to wing it and drive until we need to stop and grab our hotels along the way.  I wouldn't do that if I were by myself but since dad will be there, I think we'll survive.  Just gotta stay positive!

Why Even Ask?  I have to be honest and say that I didn't even expect the two logical questions that I got, but even as I was trying to answer them, I kept thinking "Why am I bothering?  It's not going to change anything."  But I let them know what I thought, regardless of what the final outcome would be.  I wonder what they were expecting me to say?  And I absolutely LOVED the baiting.  I needed a lawyer there to yell out "Objection!  Leading the witness" because that is exactly what they tried to do.  Didn't expect me to actually say yes, did you?  Oh well, I'm nothing if not honest.

Day 350: 8/26/12 - "Ain't It Funny"

"Ain't it funny how a moment could just change your life
And you don't want to face what's wrong or right
Ain't it strange how fate can play a part..."

-"Ain't It Funny" by Jennifer Lopez

Ain't It Funny?  Two weeks after Bank of American royally pissed me off by lowering my credit line on my card for no reason, I get a letter from Discover telling me that they've increased my credit line.  Did I ask for them to do this?  No.  Am I happy that they did?  Yes and no - I didn't need the increase, but I did need the boost of confidence that it gives me.  Do I wish I could walk into Bank of America and smack them with my Discover notification letter and then close all of my accounts?  You bet!  Though I can't do it in one fell sweep, it will be done!!!!

Goodbye W/D!  I sold my W/D today to a nice young lady who apparently really needed it.  I was glad at how it worked out since I really wasn't sure about how the selling process would go.  I sold it cheaply so that it would go away (plus, they had to come get it and get it down a flight of stairs - I think that was worth money off!).  Now I'll have to get used to having a smaller compact W/D set to work with in Miami - but at least it is one less thing to have to get onto a moving truck.

Only Two More Days! Work days that is - tomorrow and Tuesday.  I'll have to find time to finish up all of the things I need to get done and also clean out my office (that will be the toughest part!).  I hate reality sometimes...

Day 349: 8/26/12 - "TBD"

Final Outdoor Run in TX: I took my final outdoor run in TX this morning - it was warm (of course) but I actually managed to do 6 miles.  They were 6 slow miles, but 6 miles, none the less.  Of course, my hip and knee and ankle were killing me, but I made it through.  Not sure if I'll be running a lot in Miami (outside) since it is so much more humid there, but I'll give it a try.  I ran while I was down there apartment hunting and had some rough goes at it.  I was soaked after only a mile or so - not sure I could have made it to 6 miles.

Miami Internet Service Options: Not sure what I expected when I set out to move to Miami, but trouble getting decent internet service was not one of them!  AT&T doesn't offer true high speed at my complex.  Comcast does but they charge an arm and a leg!  And a company called Bright House isn't much better.  You'd think I could get a decent deal as a new customer but they obviously don't care about that.  Of course now that I've waited this long, I'm likely going to have to wait for 2 weeks to actually get my service set up.

Day 348: 8/24/12 - Wrong For Each Other"

"You go on your way
I'll go on mine
Please don't you call me
Or drop me a line

I'll be better off now
With somebody new
And you should find someone
More suited to you

Cause we're wrong for each other
Wrong for each other
Let's fight another round..."

-"Wrong For Each Other" by Andy Williams

Farewells Continue!  Today they had the "official" going away party for me at the Libraries.  It was wonderful to see so many people come out to wish me well!  We had way too much (or, I should say, I had way too much) chocolate cake and good conversations.  It was interesting to hear what most people would remember me for (my baking was mentioned first, but others mentioned my Christmas outfit when I was the party emcee, and others my Gothic librarian Halloween outfit!), and very heartening to know that I will be remembered and missed.  I hope they know they will be missed too!  I also got some very nice gifts (unexpectedly), including a good luck bamboo, a lemon/lime squeezer, and a 50 set of decorating tips (I was in heaven!).  They know me so well - the bamboo will do well in my new office along with his big brother who is in my current office and needs to be brought home for travel purposes.

Cosmic Bowling!  We had so much fun tonight at Cosmic Bowling!  I did well in my first game but struggled in game two before bouncing back in game three. We all laughed and danced and sang and it was the best thing I've done since I've been here.  Everyone agreed that we should have done it sooner and not waited until I was leaving.  I seem to only go bowling when I'm on my way out of town - go figure!  No more parties, though I'm trying to pull together some karaoke on Monday night since it is my last free night before I have to have everything done.

Worst ATM Placement Ever!  BOA, what were you thinking?  You put both of your ATM machines in the same drive up lane?  So the first car pulls in to the first machine and the next one pulls up to the 2nd one.  And even though the second one finishes their transaction first, they have to wait until the first car gets done.  Or, the first car gets done, but the second car is still working on their transaction.  There is a third car waiting in the wings and they have to wait until the 2nd car moves out of the way...all the while the first ATM is sitting there empty and waiting for someone to use it!  Okay, rant of the day over.

Day 347: 8/23/12 - "It Will Rain"

"Cause there’ll be no sunlight...
...There’ll be no clear skies...
...Just like the clouds
My eyes will do the same...
Everyday it will rain, rain, rain..."

-"It Will Rain" by Bruno Mars

Party Number Two: The Access Services staff were so sweet and gave me a small luncheon party today.  I over-indulged (again) but it was tasty.  And it was nice to sit and chat with staff that I normally don't get to interact with as much.  Only two more parties to go (and lots of more things to clean up!).

Heartbreak and Smiles: Today I found out that two people I know well are both pregnant.  I'm happy for both of them though totally floored by one of them.  I am also completely heartbroken because both of these people are my age (or slightly older) and once again I'm watching others have what I want...knowing that I won't get to have that.  So part of me is happily planning for a 4th baby blanket (plus the one I have to finish), while the other half wants to lay down and cry as if her heart is breaking...because it is.  Maybe one day it won't hurt as much as it does now...

Moving Day Approaching: My moving day feels so real now and I still have so much to do..  I have to call the truck company tomorrow to find out how it works when you have a car that needs to go on a trailer on the back (you can't load the darn truck with a car attached to the back!).  Then I have to call the movers in Florida because they haven't bothered to get back to me and I need to schedule them to help me unload the truck.  Wish me luck!

Day 346: 8/22/12 - "I Never Told You"

"But I never told you
What I should have said
No I never told you
I just held it in
And now I miss everything
About you
I can't believe I still want you
After all the things we've
Been through
I miss everything about you
Without you"

-"I Never Told You" by Colbie Caillat

Last Texas Tennis Match?  I likely played my last Texas tennis match today - the weather was warm but breezy, so more comfortable than it has been in a while.  I lost, of course, but I did play better.  I'm also so sore right now that I can barely get up off of the couch!  I hope I'll be able to find someone to play tennis with in Miami on a regular basis.  I think I could get better and be healthier if I can be consistent with my tennis playing.  Not sure how my body will hold up to the wear and tear of that type of activity, though.  I'll just have to wait and see!

Another Last: My final LMT meeting today - I can't say I'll miss them overmuch.  I can say that I was reminded of a few things about the processes and procedures that gave me the biggest headache ever!  I can only hope that others will be able to weather the storm and come out better on the other side.

Day 345: 8/21/12 - "Sunshower"

"When you're all in pain
And you feel the rain come down
Oh, it's all right

When you find your way
Then you see it disappear
Oh, it's all right..."

-"Sunshower" by Chris Cornell

One Party Down, Three To Go: My staff had a potluck party for me today - of course the joke was that I mandated the party!  I sort of did - I knew they wanted to do something for me so I wanted to make sure they kept it small but personal.  It was nice when everyone brought something that they liked and we all got to share.  I even provided some dessert (yes, I know that was strange for a party thrown for me, but oh well).  It was very nice - I'm going to miss this group of people.  I always hate the goodbye part of leaving as I know I'm going to miss some of them so much!

Day 344: 8/20/12 - "All We Are"

"We won't say our goodbyes you know its better that way
We won't break, we won't die
It's just a moment of change..."

-"All We Are" by One Republic

Okay, This Time I Mean It...I said that the cupcakes I made were the last ones I would bake in this apartment but apparently I was wrong because I decided to make a coffee cake.  No clue how it turned out (in terms of taste), though I let it get a little more brown than I wanted.  Smells delicious though!  Also iced the cupcakes - made a decent chocolate frosting - not as light and fluffy as I would have liked, but considering I almost lost it (it started to deconstruct!), it turned out pretty well.  Hope people like the entire combination, but if not, maybe the coffee cake will serve as backup.

I Must Be Really Sick...Why do I say this?  Because I barely ate anything for dinner tonight but I'm not hungry...at all...not even for ice cream.  Most would say that this is a good thing - I don't need those things anyway.  But for me this is out of character and could be a sign of something wrong.  I just have to get into a doctor to find out.  Speaking of that....I tried to make an appointment with my internist and was told there are no appointments until the end of September!  I thought the scheduler was kidding when she said that but found out she was very serious.  Now I have to try to find another doctor just for one visit...one visit!  And my insurance runs out next week when my job does.  What are the odds for me actually finding a doctor, getting my tests run, and getting a diagnosis and help before I have to leave for Florida?  Slim to none, I would say!

The Urge to Write...I've been feeling it lately, but unfortunately I haven't wanted to work on the book that is closest to the end.  I actually picked up another one that I really like the storyline for - but it is only on chapter 3, while the other book is on chapter 10!  But I'm in the middle of an action and dialogue heavy party of that story and I can't just write it without feeling it.  We'll see if I ever get around to finishing any of my stories - it would be nice to have them done, even if they never got published!

Big Whoop!  Yay to the Master's for selecting their first two female members in their 80 year history.  What, do you want a medal?  A trophy maybe?  For one thing, it took you way too damn long.  For another, you're telling me you could only find two women worthy of joining your little club?  Seriously?  Only two?  I swear, with the news that a political candidate thinks that pregnancy is almost impossible from rape (can we say - dumb shit?) and is stupid enough to say it out loud, to this news, I'm starting to think that women's rights is going backwards rather than forward. Okay, so the Olympics were able to brag that every country represented had a female athlete for the first time ever, and that is a positive thing.  But really?  Could we be moving any slower towards equality?  And ladies, we really have to stop hindering ourselves in our fight for equality.  If I hear one more woman tell another woman (or worse yet, a young girl) that she can't do something because of her gender, I'm liable to explode! 

Day 343: 8/19/12 - "So Sick"

"And I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing you were still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio?"

-"So Sick" by Ne-Yo

Wow - Really?  My body has decided to try to take me down at the worst possible time.  I'm only 10 days from my last day of work - and of course, no medical insurance until I start my new job.  And of all the times to not get sick, this is definitely the one.  Now I have to race with time to see if I can get in to see my doctor, get a diagnosis, and get some help before I'm coming out of pocket for something.  Of course, I'm also hoping it is not serious - maybe I'm just over-stressed (you think?).

Selling Cheap: I'm selling my washer and dryer and I was wondering if anyone would want it - I've already gotten 7 queries!  Everyone thinks there is something wrong with them because I'm selling them so cheaply, but I don't think they realize the hassle of having to come get them from the 2nd floor (I can't afford to take them with me and I don't need them).  Also, I know what it is like to be in need and not have the money to get something.  I'm hoping to find someone who really needs them (like a college student just starting out).  Hope I get lucky and someone actually wants them and can come get them.  By the way, just a note people: when someone posts that something is not available until a certain date, then something is not available until that date!!!  No, I cannot let you have it sooner than that!  Sheesh!

Day 342: 8/18/12 - "Lightening Crashes"

"Oh I feel it, coming back again

Like a roll of thunder chasing the wind

Forces moving to the center of the earth again

I can feel it....."

-"Lightening Crashes" by Live

A Positive Experience...Finally: So today I finally had a positive experience when dealing with a company.  I've been waiting for 3 days for AT&T to come and fix my tv service (I had to wait until Saturday because of work).  I was expecting the technician to not arrive until well into my time slot (Noon - 4pm), but he called me at 11:30 am to say that he was on his way.  He arrived right on time and when I explained that I wasn't interested in having to pay for any repairs, he told me he would try switching out the modem first.  Unfortunately, as he ran tests, he still got error messages and he explained that the wiring needed to be redone, but since that would cost money, instead he just ran an ethernet cord from the bedroom to the living room - problem solved, and no cost to me.  For once a really nice person who was helpful.

It Rained...It was nice to hear but the lightning storm has been a little disturbing to watch.  Hopefully there will be more rain tomorrow - we sorely need it here.

Day 341: 8/17/12 - "One Sweet Love"

"Time that I've taken

I pray its not wasted

Have I already tasted 

My piece of one sweet love..."

Short But Not Sweet: This day is not worth writing about - nothing remarkable, nothing new.  Same old story.

Day 340: 8/16/12 - "Long Day"

"Reach down your hand in your pocket
Pull out some hope for me
It's been a long day, always ain't that right
Well no Lord your hand won't stop it
Just keep you trembling
It's been a long day, always ain't that right"

-"Long Day" by Matchbox 20

Tough Day: Definitely a continuation of yesterday where I felt that nothing was going right.  The only good thing that happened was that my complaint to Verizon actually got a positive response (they credited my account for this month since there was a mistake clearly made).  That was really all I expected of them in the first place.  It was the customer service rep's insistence that she couldn't do anything else that made me angry.  All I wanted was recognition that for at least this month I shouldn't be expected to not get the discount.  That was what they decided as well.  I'm fine with not having the discount for the rest of the contract (not happy about it, but okay with it).  Fingers crossed that everything else goes smoothly tomorrow - I've got to finalize all of my moving things so that when I get home on Friday night I'll be ready to dive into the packing head first.

Day 339: 8/15/12 - "Do What You Have To Do"

"And I have the sense to recognize that
I don't know how to let you go
Every moment marked
With apparitions of your soul
I'm ever swiftly moving
Trying to escape this desire
The yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do..."

-"Do What You Have to Do" by Sarah McLachlan 

I Have Had It!  Okay, Verizon. You win the award for the worst customer service and the worst company I've ever dealt with, and that includes the assholes from Bank of America.  Why are you worse than them?  Because you make no attempts to correct the mistakes made by your customer service representatives.  Despite your rep admitting that someone made a mistake, to her, telling me that the mistake was made and that the reps will be told to not do that anymore is the equivalent of solving my problem.  It doesn't solve my problem at all and I'm left wondering how I keep getting the most incompetent people when I try to get any help.  So, thank you Verizon, for reminding me of just how piss poor you are at customer service, and for also reminding me of how much I hate all businesses because obviously you only care about the money you make and not your customers at all.

Day 338: 8/14/12 - "Hard to Love"

"I'm hard to love, hard to love, I don't make it easy, 

I couldn't do it if I stood where you stood..."

-"Hard to Love" by Lee Brice

Why Am I Working So Hard?  Today I questioned why I was working so hard when it is clear that to many I'm already gone.  I know that part of it is pride - I pride myself on finishing things, on not leaving others hanging, on getting the job done and getting it done right.  But that is hard to do when others have already dismissed you, stopped including you, and pretty much started changing things as if you are already gone.  It's like to them I'm already dead and they are dividing up the inheritance over my barely breathing body.  A little respect please?!

Two More Boxes: I thought I had given away my wardrobe boxes but tonight I found the boxes and the hangers.  I was able to pack 1/2 of my shoes and 3/4 of my closet so I'm doing pretty well on that level.  I have to hold off on packing some stuff since I still need clothes to wear to work for the next two weeks, but at least all of the sweaters (that I won't need) and my boots and heels are almost all packed.  I do still need to bring home the shoes I've had at work for two years, so I'll do that tomorrow.  Maybe I'll be able to finish the closet tomorrow (since I have a lot of winter clothes that are not hanging (folded) and should be packed up, and all of the blankets and comforters can be packed.  I'm doing pretty well, I think, considering I'm trying to still work, clean, get ready to move, and not feeling my healthiest.

Day 337: 8/14/12 - "You Can't Win"

"You can't win
You can't break even
And you can't get out of the game
People keep sayin'
Things are gonna change
But they look just like
You're stayin' the same

You get in
Way over your head
And you only got yourself to blame...

You can't win
The world keeps movin'
And you're standin' far behind
People keep sayin'
Things'll get better...

You can't win, you can't win no way
If your story stays the same...

You can't win, Child
You can't break even
And you can't get out of the game..."

"You Can't Win" by Michael Jackson (from The Wiz)

What I Did Tonight Instead of Packing: I know I said I would pack at least one box a night, but tonight I had to make a batch of peanut butter cookies, bake the cake for my chocolate punch bowl cake, monitor the chat service for two hours, wait for the cake to cool, then assemble the punch bowl cake.  4 1/2 hours later, clean dishes and clean kitchen, I'm too tired to even think about trying to pack a box.  I'd probably pack it wrong and it wouldn't be movable.  Or I'd pack something I needed in it.  I think I'm better off waiting until tomorrow when I can come home and not need to bake, or monitor chat, etc.  Here's the cake:

Top view - lots of whipped topping

Side view - layers of chocolate cake, bananas, chocolate pudding, and whipped topping.

Day 336: 8/12/12 - "How Long"

"Like a bluebird with his heart removed  

Lonely as a train  

I’ve run just as far as I can run..."

-"How Long" by The Eagles

Too Much?  I tackled packing today.  I'm slowed down by the fact that I also have to clean, throw some things away, and sort and shred others.  But I packed up the side tv stand, and book shelf in the living room.  I'll tackle the coffee table and the dining room tomorrow.  I think I'll be able to get most things done if I stick to my one box a day rule.  The six boxes I did today make up for all of last week, I think.  And I shredded a 3 foot high stack of papers as well.  Tomorrow I'll also tackle the filing cabinet - time to weed it down based on how long I'm supposed to keep my paperwork.  

Tough Decisions: I suppose I'm supposed to be happy right now, but I'm not.  I'm about as low as I've been in a long time and I can't blame my medicine or my health.  I think I'm just saddened by the fact that no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, I just can't get ahead.  You'd think that by now I would realize that I don't deserve anything better.  I guess there is something to the idea of people trying to be "better" than the world wants them to be.  Some days it feels like I'm the mole in a Wac-A-Mole game...and the person doing the whacking is the best to ever play the game.

Day 335: 8/11/12 - "Impossible"

"But the world is full of zanies and fools
Who don't believe in sensible rules
And won't believe what sensible people say.
And because these daft and dewey-eyed dopes keep building up impossible hopes,
Impossible things are happening every day...."

-"Impossible" by Rodgers and Hammerstein

I'm Tired.  It is hot and I am tired.  I have so much to do and I feel as if I haven't even started, let alone put a dent in my list.  Add to that how upset I was yesterday and I think I've truly given myself an ulcer.  I may have to schedule a trip to the gastroenterologist before I leave here (and since I won't have insurance for a couple of weeks).  Why am I moving again?  What was I thinking again?

Gripes for NBC.  The Olympic night coverage is not live.  We know this.  It has not been live for the entire Olympics.  We also know that you can pick and choose what you show and when.  So, why in the world would you hold the women's volleyball match until the end when you know you only had 30 minutes left?  You all but told us that the women had lost and that they wouldn't make a comeback by not even leaving time for a 5th set if they had gotten there!  Why not end with David Boudia winning the gold medal in platform?  Now that was spectacular!  Or even the 4x4 on the track - that was fun!  You end with an utter collapse?  The producer needs to have his head examined. 

Day 334: 8/10/12 - "The World I Know"

"So I walk up on high
And I step to the edge
To see my world below.
And I laugh at myself
While the tears roll down.
'Cause it's the world I know.
It's the world I know."

-"The World I Know" by Collective Soul

Why I Hate Banks!  Last week I contacted Bank of America about one of my accounts with them - I have a checking, savings, credit card, and a personal loan.  I was calling about the personal loan account because I was interested in accessing the limit I had to consolidate my bills (so that it would be easier to pay everything down when I moved).  This seemed logical and I talked to a very nice person and he said he would submit the information and that I would likely hear from them or get a letter within a week.  I expected them to turn me down - I wasn't worried.  This was not something I NEEDED just something I HOPED to do.  I checked my mail today and there are two letters from them.  That's curious.  I open one of them and I'm not surprised to see my rejection letter for my request.  Shrug.  Oh well.  But what's in the other letter?  I open it up and it is for my credit card account with them.  Seems they decided that while reviewing my accounts for my request that they did not think I should have access to as high of a credit line as they had given me, so they cut it in half (of course, putting me right at the limit of my account and making my account unusable).  I have never missed a payment on this account (or the loan either).  I have never had a late payment.  I always pay more than the minimum due.  And the only reason the balance is as high as it is now is because I used the card to set up my travel to Miami to find housing (a trip I will be reimbursed for) and I had just used it to take my conference trip.  And of course they thanked me for being a great customer.  What does this all mean for me?  That I will never use that credit card again.  That it will be paid off (consolidated) to another card as soon as I can, and the account closed.  That I will pay off the personal loan (it has 4 payments left on it - not bad, huh?), and I will find another financial institution where I will open a new checking account and a savings account.  I'll empty my savings account and use it to establish both my savings and checking accounts.  I'll change my direct deposit as soon as I can, and have my accounts deposit there.  I'll make sure I switch all my direct withdrawals to this new account, and then I'll close each and every account I have with Bank of America.  It will likely take me a couple of months to do this, but it will be done.  And I will NEVER do business with them again.  If it means paying a larger fee for an ATM, I will use a different ATM.  If it means driving farther to access a working ATM, I will drive farther.  If it means not getting the best rate on a home loan in my future - then I will pay a higher rate.  You don't get to treat good people this way and expect that I'll just sit there and smile an say, "thank you."  Dream on, Bank of America.  I hope everyone removes their money from your banks and they all fail (sorry anyone who works there - find a better company to work for).  Yes, this made me mad.  I was so angry I was shaking over it.  Bet they don't mind investing in some shoddy business ventures...oh, yeah, like the ones that got our country into trouble in the first place!

Day 333: 8/9/12 - "Back When"

"We got too complicated
It's all way over-rated
I like the old and out-dated
Way of life"

-"Back When" by Tim McGraw

When a Party is Not a Party: Sometimes, farewell parties are not quite "parties."  I always worry that there will be an awkward one and I won't know what to say to some people, while I'll tear up when working with others.  I shouldn't think too far ahead but I suspect that will happen to me a bit this year.  I'm not going to miss everyone (who would!), but there are some good people here that I won't be happy to not work with any longer.  I'll have to make it a point to keep in touch with them - something I struggle with.

The Sheer Audacity!  When someone gives you a job to do, and you are the lowest on the totem pole (so to speak), you do not get to then pass that job on to someone else!  I had to keep myself from laughing in their face when they tried to pull that one with my work study.  What were they thinking!  I'll, of course, have to inform their supervisor - she'll get a kick out of it!

Day 332: 8/8/12 - "Rock the Boat"

"So I'd like to know where, you got the notion
Said I'd like to know where, you got the notion

To rock the boat, don't rock the boat baby
Rock the boat, don't tip the boat over..."

-"Rock the Boat" by Hues Corporation

What's Wrong With This Picture?  I kept seeing this ad on a site I frequently visit and every time I looked at it I kept thinking, "what is wrong with this picture?"  It took me a long moment to finally figure out that I was weirded out by the fact that they had Enrique's name above Jennifer's picture and vice versa.  How kooky is that?! 

My Olympics Update: Watching the Olympics tonight was like watching someone write up a plan for how to get the US back into the lead for the overall medals count.  Other than one event where the US only had one person medal, it was amazing to watch the US get two medals in a number of the other events.  They either went 1-2, or 1-3, and it was pretty amazing to watch!  I also, of course, love watching diving, and am a little sad that the gymnastics (artistic) competition is over, but another part of me will be glad when the entire Olympics is over so that I can go back to watching my baseball.  My fantasy team has suffered in my "absence"!

Biting My Tongue, Biding My Time: I had to bite my cheek a couple of times today to keep from saying something that might not have gone over very well.  Luckily I had someone sitting next to me who got my attention and gave me a look that said, "now, now".  It was pretty funny, actually, since what I was going to say wasn't really controversial - just contradictory to what others were saying!  But sometimes you have to step back and think about what is really best and what is necessary and what would have just felt good!  Oh well, it's not like I've ever tried for what just felt good before, so no need to change my pattern now!

Day 331: 8/7/12 - "Bodies"

"Beaten why for (why for)
Can't take much more
Here we go!
Here we go!
Here we go!
One - Nothing wrong with me
Two - Nothing wrong with me
Three - Nothing wrong with me
Four - Nothing wrong with me

One - Something's got to give
Two - Something's got to give
Three - Something's got to give..."

-"Bodies" by Drowning Pool

Anger Becomes You...Sometimes: I was seriously bitchy today.  No other way to say it. I usually don't take that to work with me, but today was one of those days when it was almost necessary for my sanity.  It helped me to get some people to actually go and do some things. And it helped me to get through a meeting that was likely to be headache inducing.  I'm not planning on making it a common thing though, because it is not me.  But today, was just my day, I guess.  And I don't think I managed to piss off anyone that I actually would not want to upset...yet....

Day 330: 8/6/12 - "Strange Days"

"Are you crazy to want this
Even for awhile...
...The reasons for being are easy to pay
You can't remember the others
They just kind of went away
So you're driving, it's rush hour
The cars on the freeway are moving like slugs
When you drift off to wake up
Do you always hit the brakes..."

-"Strange Days" by Matthew Good Band

Little Gifts: I try to remind myself that there are things in this life that are true treasures though they may not have any monetary value.  Then I have to remind myself that it is often up to me to give out these small gifts for others.  It is hard for me to not ask "when will I get mine?" But I know that some questions do not deserve an answer and my selfishness dictates that I, in turn, don't deserve an answer.  So, instead of asking "when do I get mind?" I continue to try to give out more to others.  Maybe one day I'll earn the right to get some for myself but if I pursue them, then they will flee.  I must learn to be more patient, and I must wait....I must wait.

Day 329: 8/5/12 - "True"

"Always slipping from my head,
Sands of time I've been told
Take your seats & I'll write the next line
Oh I want the truth to be known

...I know this much is true..."

-"True" by Spandau Ballet

No Such Thing: There is no such thing as a sure thing.  Even when things look like they are destined to happen, until they actually happen, there is always the possibility that something will change.  Something might go wrong, or someone might change their minds and then change their behavior.  I was just as surprised as everyone else watching the women's vault final of the Olympics.  But I scoff at the announcers saying that it was a sure thing.  Watching what happened tells you that there are no guarantees in life and that you still have to perform, to complete your action, before you are given your reward.  I know that Maroney is upset - she is by far the best vaulter in the world on the women's side.  But she should be glad that she won a medal at all considering she didn't put her 2nd one to her feet.  The way gymnastics used to be, a sit-down, or fall was a nail in the coffin.  A silver medal is still a wonderful accomplishment and one that she should be proud of...I don't even know her and I'm proud of her.  Keep your head up, girl.

It's Too Hot!!!!  I'm going to have the highest electric bill since my move here - these 100 degree days are starting to wear on me.  I did get to play tennis today, this morning when I was thinking it would be cool enough to get a couple of sets in.  But it was too hot to do more than an hour.  I lost, of course, but I was very competitive today, playing a number of deuce games and actually playing better.  But the heat was too much and I knew that I couldn't do a second set like I normally would.  I decided to heed my body's warnings and head home for some cooler air and some more water.  Maybe next time I'll play a second set - I think I could have put a dent my my bad record!

Day 328: 8/4/12 - "Fight For Love"

"And that's why,Some people fight for love
They stick with it
Just can't quit it...
Cause you know that some people die for love
And I believe it's true cause I'd do the same for you"

-"Fight For Love" by Elliott Yamin

A Lingering Sadness: I love to read about history and though I am fascinated by the early history of America, I'm also still deeply saddened by what is truly a horrific time in history.  I'm reading Help Me to Find My People by Heather Andrea Williams and it is the first time I've read a book that is focused on the separation of black families.  It has been a heartrending read - children recounting being taken from their parents, mothers recounting losing their children, husbands and wives recounting losing each others.  Nothing can ever convince me that people during that era were truly dense enough to believe the bull that they spouted about the legitimacy of slavery.  That many people could not truly have been imbecilic enough to think that they weren't enslaving their brethren.  Money was the fuel, and an overblown sense of superiority.  Combine those two things and you wind up with an institution that the majority know is wrong - but that the majority were also willing to turn a blind eye to, or do their level best to convince themselves and other of their superiority.  I like to believe that I would have still been the fighter that I am today and would have chosen to fight and die rather than to accept the institution of slavery as a livable option.  I still don't understand (though I know the reasoning) how so many people allowed themselves to stay enslaved when there were many times in history when they outnumbered their captors.  I know there was fear attached to the idea of fighting back.  I know that the unknown is scary (still is today).  And I know that I can never understand what it would be like to be told, and reminded every day through words and actions, that I am not worthy of anything other than the servitude of which I would have been born into.  But I do cling to the hope that my will to fight, and my belief in fairness and justice would have made me a fighter.  People often ask us whom we would like to meet if we could go back in time, and I always struggle with this question.  I think now I know that it would be someone like Sojourner Truth or Fredrick Douglass.  To ask them why they fought so hard for something that others simply could or would not fight for - that would be what I want to do.  We wonder why the institution of marriage and the idea of a complete family is so often foreign for people in this world (not just black people, either), but after reading this book, I can understand why the idea of marriage and of a strong "traditional" family, just would not be the dream of many.  Where are my relatives, I wonder?  How many cousins do I have out there that I'll never meet because 4 and 5 generations earlier, the families were split up and never reunited?  40 acres and a mule?  Fuck that, I want my family.

Day 327: 8/3/12 - "Somebody That I Used To Know"

"You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end"

-"Somebody That I Used to Know" by Gotye

Headache Inducing: It's amazing how oblivious some people are to the obvious desire of others for them to just leave them alone!  Just because you are bored doesn't mean you have the right to disturb someone else who is trying to work.  It's not like I'm just sitting there and reading a book, or twiddling my thumbs.  I'm engrossed in my computer, or reading an article, or whatever else I could be doing and you just flounce in and sit down as if you have not a care in the world.  Even when I try to explain how busy I am, you just sit there!  Seriously!  Thanks for making my day so much harder than it needs to be.

Wow, Texas is HOT!!!  We've been hitting 100 every day for the past week and you can really feel it later at night when the temperature isn't dropping very quickly.  The walk out to the car at 6:00 pm is almost tortuous and you just keep hoping that there will be a decent breeze.  No such luck.  I actually did my grocery shopping tonight because it was too hot to think about doing it while the sun was up.  It was still toasty but not as unbearable.

Day 326: 8/2/12 - "Another Try"

"The reasons I'm alone I know by heart, 

but I don't wanna spend forever in the dark. 

I swear next time I'll hang on for dear life. 

If love ever gives me another try."

-"Another Try" by Josh Turner

Lease Signed!  I signed and sent back my lease today (yay!) so I have a place to live.  I have to get everything else together now, including making sure I have things like cable, eletric, etc. turned on.  Have them turned off here.  And get a moving truck and find some friends to help me load the damn thing. Oh, and I have to sell my washer and dryer because the apartment I'm going to has one.  Yay me?  I think?  Oh well - will have to wait until tomorrow - too much going on tonight and too tired to deal with it.  Wish me luck!

USA!  Okay, Olympics update - I have not made it a secret that I'm a Michael Phelps fan...Ryan Lochte?  Not so much - it's something about the attitude that just hasn't gone over well for me (though he seems like a perfectly nice guy).  So tonight, while I cheered for Lochte to do well, I was not upset that he did not pull out the gold in two of his events - I'm glad he medaled though!  And what else can I say, but GO GABBY!  What a performance!  And so sad for Ally since I think she deserved to share the bronze.  Why do a tie breaker when their scores match?  There was no need for it!  It's not like they've never awarded double medals before, especially bronze.  And hell, when they get a tie for silver, they don't even bother awarding the bronze!  Hold your head up, Ally - you did good girl!

Day 325: 8/1/12 - "We Are the Champions"

"We are the champions, my friends

and we'll keep on fighting til the end..."

-"We Are the Champions" by Queen

Why I Love the Olympics: Win or lose, I love watching the Olympics.  I have since I was a child and I know that I look forward to them, summer and winter, every two years.  I, of course, cheer for the US, but I also love to cheer for the feel good stories as well.  The Olympics is full of stories of people who work hard and earn their way to the Olympics.  There are stories of redemption and there are surprises.  Watching someone bounce back from a fall and win a medal?  Fantastic!  Watching an athlete improve on their personal best and surprise even themselves?  Beautiful!  Watching pure joy on the faces on people who've struggled and trained and fought for one thing, and then earned it?  Priceless!  I'll be an Olympic fan for the rest of my lives.  I don't have any Olympic aspirations for myself (other than getting to attend one in person, maybe!), but I can allow myself to cheer and scream, and cry and enjoy the experiences of others.  That's what living vicariously is all about.

Day 324: 7/31/12 - "Caught Out There"

"I hate you so much right now
I hate you so much right now"

-"Caught Out There" by Kelis

Delta, You Suck Sometimes!  I know that airlines aren't perfect, and I don't expect them to be.  But Delta has been one of the worst airlines for me recently in terms of how they keep you informed.  On the way down to Florida there was a gate change on my flight in Atlanta.  Not only did the gate change information flash up only 30 minutes before we were to board, but they sent us 2 terminals over.  In Atlanta that can be up to 20 minutes if you are lucky, and more if you are not.  Then, when we got there, they kept changing our flight time and did not tell us why, until finally we heard about a maintenance issue.  On the way back home, our morning flight from Florida to Atlanta, things were uneventful.  But in Atlanta, we get to the gate and everything seems fine...then right as we are supposed to start boarding, we get the announcement that we are delayed due to a late crew.  Apparently our crew was on another flight that had not come in yet, so we had to wait.  But why not even tell us how long it was before they were due to get in?  If they were on a flight then you know when that flight was due, right?  We had to sit there and wait....and wait...and then finally we get to board.  We ended up coming into Austin over an hour later than expected.  By this time I was completely disgusted, running off of 3 hours of sleep, and seriously in need of a nap and ibruprofen.  I settled for coming home and resting (sorry work, I just couldn't do it).  Luckily I have enough sick leave to keep me covered for a while, so I'm sure it won't impact me.  But that kind of tired almost needs more than a day!

Day 323: 7/30/12 - "Signed, Sealed, Delivered"

"I've done a lot of foolish things
That I really didn't mean, didn't I?"

-"Stevie Wonder"

Signed and Sealed: So I went down and put a deposit down on an apartment.  It was the first one I saw on Saturday during the largest rainstorm I had seen in a long time (it doesn't rain often in Texas, by the way).  It was a pretty easy process, though they have this rule about when the Lease has to be signed - 3 days after I put down the holding deposit.  Since I'm heading home tomorrow they agreed to e-mail it to me so that I can finish it there and send it back.  Thank goodness!  I'm not sure if I'm going to like living there but I at least feel good back the choice I've made.  I at least hope I've diverted disaster and I'm still trying to figure out what to do about the terrible apartment locator who just quit helping me.  How unprofessional is that?  I think I did better without her, though, so I'm happy with my decision in that regard.

Day 322: 7/29/12 - "Why You Wanna"

"Why you gotta
Why you wanna
Make me keep wanting you"

-"Why You Wanna" by Jana Kramer

Wasted Day: I was so disgusted with my trip and my search that I decided to just crash in the hotel on Sunday.  It didn't help that I was having stomach issues because of all of the eating out (or could have just been the eating out at Taco Bell that got me).  So I spent the day watching the Olympics and trying to make a decision about my housing situation.  I did go out this morning to get the local paper - I was hoping to see some housing options that I wanted to look at on Monday.  I was both surprised and dejected by the lack of listings in the classifieds.  I'm used to most newspapers that have pages and pages worth of rentals listed. Apparently in Miami, the newspaper is not the way that people list their rentals!  That didn't help with my decision making, but at least I had a day of rest and time to think.  I'm still not happy, but at least I'm not as upset as I was yesterday!