Day 111: 12/31/11 - "Easy"

"Easy to bitch
Easy to whine
Easy to moan
Easy to cry
Easy to feel like there ain't nothing in your life
Harder to work
Harder to strive
Harder to be glad to be alive
But its really worth it if you give it a try"

-"Easy by Cowboy Mouth

Is it Worth It?  I find myself asking this question as I try to recover from my first ever 8 mile run.  The amount of pain I was in as I finished the run was surprising even to me.  I usually have enough endorphins to carry me at least to the shower before the pain kicks in.  I started hurting around the 7.5 mile mark and it only got worse.  Then, as I was fixing my breakfast, I found myself feeling like I was going to black out and I had to sit down and rest.  I haven't quite recovered as the day progressed and I still feel a little shaky in the legs.  I'll have to try to figure out what caused the illness following the run.  That usually only happens if I get really overheated and today the temperature was in the 50's as I ran.

What Will I Do Differently?  The new year officially begins for me in 23 minutes and I'm not overly excited about it.  I'm not even really celebrating it, as I sit here and type and try to watch the New Year's Rocking Eve.  I haven't really decided if I would make a resolution this year.  I made and kept one last year.  This year, I think I need to just be true to myself and stop letting others dictate or even try to dictate my life.  Unfortunately I realize that this will mean I'll likely alienate some people, and piss a few others off.  But at this point in my life, I can't worry about that.  I'm tired of others messing with my life and I'm definitely tired of being stepped on and misused.  No more!


Some Things Will Remain the Same: Now 19 minutes until the new year and as always I'm here alone.  Even when I used to spend the time with my parents, they would fall asleep before midnight.  The few nights I went out I either wound up being the 3rd wheel or the designated driver.  This year I decided to just stay inside and not deal with the craziness that I'm sure is going on out there right now.  I just hope my friends who are out likely over-imbibing are being safe and all make it through the night safely.  Me, I'll just sit here alone as I always do...

Happy New Year

Day 110: 12/30/11 - "Love and Addiction"

"Put on your bad self
get out your party dress and
fix up your makeup
try to make a good impression"

-"Love and Addiction" by The Counting Crows

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back: I feel like I'm losing ground on some of the good things that I've accomplished lately.  I actually stayed in bed for a full nine hours today, but instead of awaking rested, I was tired for the rest of the day with a headache.  I even took a nap in the afternoon due to my fatigue.  Later, it was like pulling teeth to get myself to go out for a walk and it took me nearly 30 minutes longer than it should have to complete a two mile walk.  I'll have to watch this to see if this is a result of my medication (though my numbers were good the last time they were checked), or if its just the fact that the New Year is bearing down on me.

Runner Girl: Tomorrow I hope to run 8 miles.  I'm trying to hydrate today so that I won't get overly thirsty (a problem of mine).  If I can at least get to 7.5 miles like a few weeks ago, I'll be satisfied, but I definitely want to push myself while the weather is still good.  My knees are definitely hurting just thinking about the pounding they'll take tomorrow, but I also know that I need the exercise and I need to try to accomplish this!

WTF?  I'm starting to catalog the commercials I see that just don't make sense (and no, I don't just mean those that are designed to be funny - I'm talking about those where the premise makes no sense).  Take the latest corona commercial.  The first two that they did made absolute sense - your stuck on a plane for business travel, so you dream of being on a beach enjoying a beer.  You're part of the hustle and bustle of the working class in the city, so you dream of being on a beach enjoying a beer.  Your on a ski vacation..and you dream of being on a beach enjoying a beer???  WTF!  If you are on vacation and want to be on a beach, then take a beach vacation, not a ski vacation!

Day 109: 12/29/11 - "Everybody"

"Everybody, everybody wants to love

Everybody, everybody wants to be loved ..."

-"Everybody" by Ingrid Michaelson

Why Our Medical System Sucks: Today was another day at the doctor (which sucks because this is my holiday 'break' and I'd rather not spend my time in a doctor's office) and I was pissed off even before I got there.  I had to return a call from someone representing the "hospital" and she said she wanted to pre-register me.  I was confused since I had been to the office already.  She explained that the "cardiac clinic" was part of the hospital and my "procedure" was considered to be an out-patient one.  First of all, I was there for two non-invasive tests not "procedures" but they didn't seem to care about that.  Secondly, the clinic is still where my doctor is so why didn't they already have my information?  And to cap it off - "your part of the payment will be $480.00, would you like to pay for that now over the phone?"  My response?  "No."  I'm not giving them money for something they had not done yet and especially when my insurance hadn't had a chance to kick in yet.  They didn't even ask me about it when I got to the clinic, so I'll just wait for the bill to come in.

9: I watched the animated film "9" today and really liked it.  I visually found it appealing but what I really liked were the different themes and ideas they were able to convey with very few words.  Definitely not a kids' movie but a powerful movie nonetheless.  I was getting ready to watch my next DVD when I realized that it is a post-apocalyptic movie as well...and that my third one is as well.  I'm either in a strange mood or the movie makers are just feeling downright negative right now.

Day 108: 12/28/11 - "Stupid"

"How stupid could I be

A simpleton could see..."

-"Stupid" by Sarah McLachlan

Sight-seeing: I took my brother and his wife out "sight-seeing" today (or at least what I call sight-seeing).  We went to What a Burger first (first visit for me too!).  Then I took them to my place of employment (I was actually looking for my sun glasses there, but I didn't find them).  Then I took them downtown and promptly got lost and missed my exit.  I swear there are times when I feel too stupid for words.  I'll need to work on my navigation skills if I'm going to be taking anyone anywhere in the future.

Day 107: 12/27/11 - "Road Trippin'"

"Road trippin' with my two favorite allies

Fully loaded we've got snacks and supplies..."

-"Road Trippin'" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers

On the Road: Today was a travel day and one that I will likely never forget.  I've never started a 16 hour trip as late as we did (I was waiting on my brother to get his check and pay some bills. A proposed Noon start turned into a 2:00 pm start).  We made good time and had good weather and no major issues on the way (other than my brother's side seat driving!).

Day 106 - 12/26/11 - "Runaway"

"I'm gonna pack my bags

And never look back..."

-"Runaway" by Love & Theft

Musically Lacking: Today I got to experience what it was like to try to record a song and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I'm not cut out to be a singer. I'm barely even cut out to be a back up singer.  Others tell me that I sound good but I don't hear it.  At least I know that if my brother can get someone else to play the song it will likely be a hit - it's a great song...I'm just not a great singer.

Spending Time with Dad: It's been fun spending time with my dad (as usual).  I just wonder how many more of these opportunities I'll have living so far away from him.  I really need to look at moving closer so that we can enjoy our time together.

Day 105: 12/25/11 - "I Try"

"I try and say goodbye and I choke

Try to walk away and I stumble"

-"I Try" by Macy Gray

Hard Decisions: I may not believe in good or bad decisions but I do believe in easy and hard decisions. I'm going to have to make some of both. I know a couple of them are going to break my heart and the others will make me happy. I can only hope that they will eventually balance each other out. All I know is that I can't let others ruin my life.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Day 104 - 12/24/11 - "I'll Be Home for Christmas"

"I'll be home for Christmas

You can count on me..."

-"I'll Be Home for Christmas" by Bing Crosby

Home for the Holidays: It is good to be home, even if only for a few days. Traveling on Christmas Eve went smoother than expected and I met an interesting man on the first leg of my flight. Don't get your hopes up - it's likely nothing...

Why I don't like to eat out: We stopped at Ryan's today and both my mother and I wound up getting sick! Never again!

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Day 103: 12/23/11 - "Somewhere In Between"

"Give me a few hours

I'll have this all sorted out

If my mind would just stop racing..."

-"Somewhere In Between" by Lifehouse

How Do I Know?  Sounds like a Whitney Houston song but its a valid question to ask yourself for a lot of things.  I think this time I knew yesterday when I left work.  Today I went in smiling and happy - that's a good feeling to have!

Heading Home: Off to TN tomorrow and it will be good to see the family for a few days.  The trip back ought to be interesting as well since my brother is driving me back.  We haven't been on a road trip together in years!

As Promised:  As promised, here are the pics of the last two hats that I completed yesterday.  I delivered them today and one was already being worn!  Hope they get some good use out of them!

Day 102: 12/22/11 - "Say What You Want"

"You can say what you want 

but it won't change my mind

I'll feel the same about you

And you can tell me your reasons

but it won't change my feelings

I'll feel the same about you."

-"Say What You Want" by Texas

Knitting Fool!  That's me these days - I'm on the verge of finishing up two hats today (sorry, no pics available until they are completely done - I'll post them tomorrow).  My fingers are starting to ache a bit and I've noticed new callouses forming on my thumb and the inside of my index finger.  But I feel good about what I'm creating and I love the fact that I'm the one creating them.  I need something right now that makes me feel useful and creative, and my knitting is definitely that.

Some Decisions...Are harder than others, but I do believe that there is no such thing as a good or bad decision.  I've probably said "that was a bad decision" many times, but as I was asked to think about this today, I feel firmly that just like there is no such thing as good or bad luck, there is no such thing as good or bad decisions.  There are just decisions that must be made.  The results or ramifications of these decisions may be good or bad, but the decision itself is just that, a decision.

Some Decisions...Are easier to make than others.  I made one today that I know will have far reaching impacts on myself and my family, but it was definitely an easy decision to make.  Things will happen now that I've made this decision and getting the ball rolling is always important to reaching a final resting place.  I will reach it, sooner or later.  I would say wish me luck, but well...just see the above paragraph!

Day 101: 12/21/11 - "Broken"

"The broken clock is a comfort
It let's me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow
From stealing all my time"

-"Broken" by Lifehouse

My, What a Big Mouth You Have!  My first turn as the emcee of the Holiday Party was a smashing success.  Okay, so maybe not really smashing but I do think it went well.  I kept everyone entertained, cracked a few jokes, showed off a killer outfit, and had a good time.  It was nice to get a chance to also sit and joke (if only briefly) with a few colleagues I had not seen in a while.  I'm going to have to suggest they consider using clickers next year for the games.  A little A/V never hurt anyone and it would be so much easier to do grading if we could have a way of tracking people.  But even with the oddness of the activities, there was much laughter, decent food, and fun and games to be had by all!

Knitting Extravaganza: I'm starting two new hats due by Friday for a colleague's daughters.  I'm loving this chance to play with some patterns and colors and hope they all turn out alright.  I also finally blocked the scarf for my friend DL in Nashville and will send her items out to her tomorrow (I hope!).  It has been a while since I actually finished them but I just never had the chance to block them out.  Now that I have, I guess I have no excuse for not sending them along!

Home?  I'm looking forward to going to home now.  I wasn't before and I'm not sure why not, but I am now.  I miss my family and talking to them over the last few days just reminds me of that and I realize that I need to enjoy every bit of time I get with them.  Others have not been so lucky!

Day 100: 12/20/11 - "Moments"

"You know I haven't always been this way.

I've had my moments, days in the sun

Moments, I was second to none

Moments, when I knew I did what I thought I couldn't do..."

-"Moments" by Emerson Drive

Day at the Doctors X 3: I tried to kill not two, but three birds with one stone today by getting all of my doctor's appointments in during the 1st part of the day.  I hit the 1st doctor at 8:30am and traffic was good enough that I was actually on time.  The office was running like clockwork and they got me in on time and out early, despite the fact that I was a new patient (I was impressed!).  I had enough time in the middle to mail a special package, get lost trying to find a gas station to put air in my tires and still get to my next location and appointment an hour early.  I thought this spot was going to go well too, as they got me back on time and had the nurse finish processing me early.  But then it took an hour for the doctor to come in and actually spend his 5 minutes with me.  I kept looking at my phone (which was also running out of battery power) and thinking "I'm going to miss my third appointment!"  By the time I checked out I had 20 minutes to go almost 20 miles in SA traffic.  By some stroke of luck I actually made it and got the best news of the day:  my thyroid hormone levels are normal!  Also good news?  I'm down 4 pounds!

Knitting (Again!):  I was back at it again today, finishing up another hat for a baby. This one is red and white (Christmas and apparently sorority colors) for a little girl.  I made it a little too big so she could wear it often, and I even tried a pattern this time.  I hope they like it - I'm really impressed by the way it came out and I think I'm starting to get good at this hat thing!  I might want to just design a few interesting ones and see if I can sell them on etsy.

Holiday Emcee: I volunteered to emcee the annual library holiday party so tomorrow should be interesting.  I'm going to dress up a little (in a red dress, of course!) and hopefully I won't lose my voice - I'm still a bit croaky and my throat isn't completely happy with me.  I'll hopefully share some pictures tomorrow!

Day 99: 12/19/11 - "You Can Sleep While I Drive"

"Come on baby, let's get out of this town

I've got a full tank of gas with the top rolled down..."

-"You Can Sleep While I Drive" by Melissa Etheridge

Knitting: I realized that the first baby hat I finished might be too small so I decided to do a second one a little bigger in the hopes that even if it is too big the baby can grow into it.  I'm looking forward to mailing it off tomorrow!

Still Coughing: I hate it when my sinuses drain like this and I get a sore throat and coughing that just won't go away.  I don't have a fever or body aches.  Nothing is coming up when I cough, I just get a tickle in my throat and I have to fight the urge to cough every time I turn around.  I hope I can get through tomorrow without coughing all day (I have 3 doctor's appointments but none that could help me with my coughing!).

Day 98: 12/18/11 - "All I Want For Christmas is You"

"I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree"

-"All I Want for Christmas is You" by Mariah Carey

Baking...Again!  I realized that my applesauce would not last another week, so I decided to try to bake a couple of things to get rid of it.  My decision was helped by the fact that I also had some blackberries and sweet potatoes that needed to be used up.  The final outcome of this serendipitous set of left overs was a blackberry coffee cake and sweet potato muffins.  They both came out very nicely and I think I'll definitely make the sweet potato muffins again.  Both recipes were found online, so nothing new from me this time.  Pics are below!

Blackberry Coffee Cake (looks a bit like a wreath!)

Sweet Potato Muffins (a little browner than I wanted on top but still good!)

Final Touches  I finally finished the baby blanket for a friend living in Tennessee now.  I decided to also make a matching hat for the baby, but I'm worried that the hat won't be big enough (I have no idea how big the babies head is!). I'm hoping it will fit (and considering making a second one to accommodate growth!  They don't take long and I can still get it mailed by Tuesday.  See the blanket and the hat below!

Day 97: 12/17/11 - "It Happens"

"Missed my alarm clock ringing

Woke up telephone screaming

Boss man singing his same old song

Drove in late about an hour

No cup of coffee no shower

Walk of shame with two different shoes on..."

-"It Happens" by Sugarland

Wardrobe Malfunction: I always know when I'm rushed or just having a bad day, because I always have issues with my wardrobe (likely due to the fact that I'm rushing or when I'm not focused on what I should be doing).  Today's wardrobe malfunction?  I put on mismatched shoes!  Luckily for me both of them were the same brand of running show.  The only major issues is that one of them is purplish/pink and the other is lime green/navy.  So anyone looking at my feet would likely notice, but from a distance I doubt it was too obvious.

Some People Should Bite Their Tongues!  I'm getting to the point where I'm ready to tell one particular person to "shut up before you say something else stupid, bigoted, or racist!"  Lately it seems like this person can only spout things that I find borderline offensive.  And I don't even think they realize it.  Just for the record, not all people of color go around looking for people who look just like them.  I don't roam the campus hunting for other black staff, students, or faculty to single out.  I also don't roam the campus looking for other tall women to compare myself too (though of course I do notice when I run into a tall woman - it never hurts to know where they get their shoes or clothes from!).  We all have opinions about things but there are better ways to share them (or times when you shouldn't share them at all).

No More Meds!  I had to avoid taking my OTC sinus medicine today - I woke up this morning just not feeling right and it took me a while to shake it off. I also had issues when I worked out and I know that I got tired more quickly working out today due to my slow start.  I'll just have to hope that my body can fight its way back to normal without the meds.  Now to get rid of this cough!

Day 96: 12/16/11 - "Thank You"

"My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why
I got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window
And I can't see at all"

-"Thank You" by Dido

No Rest for the Weary: I just realized that I'm going to work a 50 hour work week this week due to some extra-curricular activities.  To make matters worse, I'm still sick!  I can't get rid of this sniffle, sore throat, and cough (especially the cough).  I'll at least get to sleep in tomorrow (I'm not sure how much sleep I'll get though with this cough).

Time to Catch Up: I need to do some serious catch up work now that I'm starting to feel better.  There are research topics I want to delve into and articles I plan to right.  I haven't felt this productive in a long time, but I wonder if I can actually complete any of these impending projects on my mental list.  Maybe if I actually give myself deadlines and finish the "where to submit" part of things, I'll be more inclines to actually finish.

Day 95: 12/15/11 - "Foolish Games"

"Excuse me,

Guess I've mistaken you for somebody else

Somebody who gave a damn

Somebody more like myself..."

-"Foolish Games" by Jewel

Colds Suck!  Enough said...

Funny How Some Fires Get Lit:  I always find it very interesting when I try to get things done and certain people keep pouring water on my starter fire, making me start over from scratch.  But when they have something they want done (no matter the impetus), they somehow manage to find a way to light the biggest, brightest fire every seen!  And of course my little fire gets engulfed into theirs and I'm left with nothing but ashes.  Oh well, c'est la vie!

Open House...Open Doors...Missed Point?  We hosted our first commencement open house today and thought all of our cookies and most of our drinks went quickly, it was the students who took everything and not the guests we had intended it for (though we had already predicted that would happen).  We hope that we'll get better action on Saturday when the full commencement takes place.  Never hurts to try, right?

Day 94: 12/14/11 - "Feelin' So Good"

"I'm feelin' so good

I knew that I would

Been taking care of myself like I should..."

-"Feelin' So Good" by Jennifer Lopez

So Much Better: Though I'm still suffering from sinus issues, a sore throat and laryngitis, I can honestly say that I haven't felt this good in a long while.  Things aren't perfect, mind you. But they never were and likely never will be.  But I can give up perfection for just "good."  I'm still only about half way up a very long mountainous climb, but now, instead of feeling like I was on the way down, I now feel as if I'm on the way up.

Bonding Through Pain?  Okay, so it wasn't quite bonding, but four of us headed over to La Cantera today and had our ears pierced at Claire's.  One person only got a second hole in their ear, but three of us chose to get our cartilage pierced.  So far so good with pain management (only a little twinge now and again).  I love the fact that they include a giant bottle of cleaner now and I now have the most expensive earring I've ever owned in my ear (I will have to treat myself one day and actually buy a few more gold based earrings!).

Day 93: 12/13/11 - "Standing at the Edge of the Earth"

"Are you searching for words that you can't find

Trying to hide your emotions..."

-"Standing at the Edge of the Earth" by Blessid Union of Soul

Holiday Elf: Today I played Holiday Elf for the first time in two years.  I didn't realize how much I missed baking and delivering Christmas Cookies to people until I actually did it again today.  From what I could tell the cookies were well-received and I only have two bags left to deliver tomorrow (to our external people).  I don't know how long I'll continue doing this but I definitely think it could turn into a lucrative business if I could just get myself set up with the stock I need and an online storefront.  I'd also have to find out a way to improve the shipping (shipping costs are a royal pain!).  Maybe priority post would work?  I'd also have to make sure I bought plenty of bubble wrap!  Can't have broken cookies!  Of course, there is also the hilarity of me pretending to be an elf.  Will Farrell has a couple of inches on me but talk about a big elf!

Final Final: I gave my final exam for my class today.  I don't know overall how it went and tomorrow I'll have to look at the questions to see if there was anything unfair going on.  But from what I can see, most people who actually studied did well and got the grade they were hoping for in the class.  Others who were struggling already continued to struggle on the final.  I didn't purposely try to make it hard and since they had a study guide I guess there is no real excuse for some of the low points.  I've learned a lot this semester and I plan to write it all down one day soon but for now I'm just enjoying being one step closer to the end of the semester.

Day 92: 12/12/11 - "Smile"

"Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it's breaking"

-"Smile" by Nat King Cole

I Hate Being Sick!  I woke up at 3:00 am with a scratchy throat.  I've been sneezing for about 3 days and my sinuses have been acting up, so I'm not surprised that my throat has now joined the party.  The only issue?  The medicine I normally take has a warning on it that says not to take if you have thyroid disease!  Do I officially have thyroid disease if I don't have a thyroid?  That's almost a philosophical question...

Final Baking Frontier: I finished all of my baking tonight (even the sugar cookies I was worried wouldn't come out because I tinkered with the recipe).  I even managed to bag everything, and box and wrap the ones that are being mailed out.  Sorry to those who are used to getting my treats - I only made enough to send to a couple of locations, and those people called dibs.  Next year you'll have to get on the nice list early so that you'll have cookies coming your way.  Even the extra vegan ones were claimed!

Vegan Chocolate Chunk Cookies

Dark Chocolate Chip

Sugar

Vegan Snickerdoodle

Day 91: 12/11/11 - "Michelle Post"

"Michelle Post knows all about it

But she don't want is just to talk about it.

She's got everything that she believes in

She got something and she won't let me in..."

-"Michelle Post" by Hootie & The Blowfish

Cold Tennis: I haven't played tennis in the cold for over 2 years and I had forgotten just how cold my hands get.  I had a good time and got some good exercise (and got my butt kicked as usual - I really need to work on my ground strokes and my confidence).  The courts we played at were very nice - you could tell how new they were.  Too bad they don't have lights - it would be  great spot to play tennis at night too, and close to campus.

Baking Extravaganza: I decided to do my major baking extravaganza this year (though on a much smaller scale than I used to do).  I only have one oven rack so it took me from 6:00 pm - 10:40pm to get through the oatmeal, M&M, chocolate with white chips, chocolate chip, snickerdoodles, and peanut butter cookies.  I decided to hold off on the rolled sugar cookies (too tired!) and also the vegan cookies I'm making for one of my students.  But I think I did a pretty good job for one oven rack and for getting such a late start.

Here are the pics:

Oatmeal

M&M

Chocolate with White Chips

Chocolate Chip (with Snickerdoodles in the background)

Peanut Butter

Day 90: 12/10/11 - "Getaway"

"I know this is how I could be over you
You know this is not another waste of time
All this holding on can't be wrong"

-"Getaway" by Train

Scenes from a Run: I always take note of the trash that is thrown out when I run.  Today I went a little furhter than normal and saw more than trash, so I thought I would document it here:

• Cans and Bottles: Talk about litterbugs!  I saw 5 beer cans (the large size ones), 1 beer bottle that was intact and a kaleidoscope of broken bottles that I had to dodge (I kick things up when I run), and three water bottles.  I wish people would stop just throwing things out and at least put them in the trash.  The recycling would be even better.
• Dangerous Drivers: The campaigns aren't working, folks.  The number of people I saw texting while driving or talking on the phone while driving was ridiculous.  One man actually stopped at a green light and then turned right without checking traffic because he was playing with his phone.  To make matters worse, he had a kid in the car with him - so in about five or six years when that kid starts to drive and has a wreck because he's texting, we'll know that it has nothing to do with his age, and everything to do with the bad influence of his father!
• Birds: We haven't had a lot of water lately, so I was surprised to see some standing water at the corner of Bitters and Blanco. I looked to my right as I was passing and saw what I thought was a statue.  It took me a minute to realize it was a white crane!  It was standing in the water and watching a group of ducks a they swam around.  I wanted to take a picture but I knew if I stopped running I would lose my momentum.  It was nice to see though!

Holiday Hell: This holiday is sneaking up on me faster than I want to admit.  I haven't even made arrangements to go home yet (though I promised my family I would come home).  As much as I miss them, I am dreading not only the travel but also just the day to day of not being productive.  I've learned that I can't be productive at home (no Internet, issue with smoke inhalation, tension, stress...none of that says "productivity").  I'll have to find a way to get something done, even if I have to spend the time at the public library.  That might be the best option for me though it still won't guarantee success.

Nightmares: For some reason I've been having nightmares the last few nights.  In one my dad had something wrong with his legs due to his diabetes and had to have his legs amputated (I found this horrifying because it could become all too true).  Then last night I dreamed that I had forgotten to put together my students' final exam and had to try to run back to the library to get to my computer to create it in 20 minutes.  Of course, it took me nearly 4 hours today to actually create it (and yes, the nightmare made me get on the ball today).  I hate dreams that are way too close to the truth!

Day 89: 12/09/11 - "I Don't Want to Be"

"I'm surrounded by liars everywhere I turn,

I'm surrounded by impostors everywhere I turn,

I'm surrounded by identity crisis everywhere I turn,

Am I the only one to notice?

I can't be the only one who's learned,

I don't wanna be anything other than what I've been tryin' to be lately,

All I have to do is think of me and have peace of mind,

I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wonder what I gotta do,

Or who I'm supposed to be,

I don't wanna be anything other than me"

-"I Don't Want to Be" by Gavin Degraw

Piercing Deferred: So we decided to move our group piercing adventure to next week when we have more time and I think this definitely makes sense.  Today was crazy and I barely got the basics done.  Trying to disappear for an hour or so would have been impossible.  We plan to go on Wednesday now and don't worry, I'll post pictures of this little adventure when it is all said and done.

Snowballing: For anyone who thought the Jerry Sandusky situation would be the end of it, you don't know the reality of this world.  All it takes is one person who is strong enough to speak out on national tv to let others know that they can and will be believed.  The hardest thing about abuse is the internal struggle the victim has to deal with.  The inner belief that no one will believe you is like a corrosive acid that eats away at your strength and your courage.  But having someone else take that step and challenge the status quo can really help to give someone else that push they need to free themselves from such a heavy burden.  People always question the victims, asking things like "Why now?" and "What's your evidence?"  What people don't understand is that it shouldn't matter when they tell, only that they finally get the chance to tell. And your evidence?  Sorry to disappoint people, but much of the damage done by abuse is not visible - the victims word is their evidence and many people say that isn't enough.  And you wonder why so many victims never say a word...

Day 88: 12/08/11 - "Happy"

"Someone once told me that you have to choose

What you win or lose

You can't have everything

Don't you take chances

Might feel the pain

Don't you love in vain

Cause love won't set you free

I can't stand by the side

And watch this life pass me by

So unhappy

But safe as could be

So what if it hurts me?

So what if I break down?

So what if this world just throws me off the edge

My feet run out of ground

I gotta find my place

I wanna hear my sound

Don't care about all the pain in front of me

Cause I'm just trying to be happy, yeah

Just wanna be happy, yeah

Just can't let it go

Just trying to play my role

Slowly disappear, oh

But all these days, they feel like they're the same

Just different faces, different names

Get me out of here

I can't stand by your side, oh no

And watch this life pass me by, pass me by"

-"Happy" by Leona Lewis

More Work: I found out today that a proposal for a roundtable that I co-submitted with someone was accepted to the First Year Experience Conference.  On the one hand, I'm happy about this because it always feels good to be accepted.  On the other hand I'm kicking myself because of the extra work this is going to mean for me, and right after the Midwinter conference.  The only good news is that the conference is taking place in San Antonio, so I don't have to go anywhere, other than downtown, to attend.  The registration is so expensive that this is a blessing - no way could I also afford to cover my airfare and housing.  I'll have 4 conferences by the time this year is out.

Odd Bonding: So apparently a group of us are going to the mall to get our ears pierced tomorrow.  I know this sounds strange but in one way it will be like an exercise in librarian bonding.  Plus, I've always intended to get my upper ear pierced and never got around to it.  I'll be curious to see which one of us goes first and who backs out.  Hope it doesn't cost too much - if it does, it will be my Christmas present to myself.

No Chance: I figured out that the reason I'm so unlucky in love is that I really don't have a chance to begin with.  You have to be able to catch someone's eye in a positive way to begin with, to later have a chance of something more meaningful.  I catch the eye of lots of people but only because they are staring at me because of my height (or who knows the other reason).  No ones looking at ME.  Not sure how to get people to do that but I hope I figure it out one day.

Day 87: 12/07/11 - "All My Friends"

"Thought I might get a rocket ride

When I was a child but it was a lie

That I told myself when I needed something good

At seventeen, had a better dream.

Now I'm thirty-three and it isn't me

But I'd think of something better if I could

All you want is a beauty queen

Not a superstar but everybody's dream machine

All you want is a place to lay your head

You go to sleep dreaming how you would

Be a different kind if you thought you could

But you come awake the way you are instead"

-"All My Friends" by the Counting Crows

Pet Peeves: Okay, I know I've talked about different pet peeves before but I have a new one.  I can't stand it when people are too lazy to return the shopping carts to the carrels.  It's even worse when they don't put them back and the carrel is RIGHT THERE!  Want to add insult to injury?  How about leaving the cart behind someone else's car!  That's what happened tonight while I was at Wal-Mart.  I came out and right behind my car was a shopping cart. Where was the carrel?  Right in front of my car!  I almost had a conniption fit!

Necessary but Painful: I hate getting tests done, especially invasive ones, but today I experienced one that was truly painful.  All my ladies who have experienced a mammogram will know what I mean.  It was my first one and I know they are necessary, but I really wish they could find a better way.  The pain is definitely not fun and no matter who you are, it is just not a comfortable test to have done emotionally either.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed for good news from all of my tests (or at least a reason for the weird symptoms).

Wanted - Boyfriend: I'm starting to think I should just put an ad out there somewhere and recruit one.  Why not?  We recruit for jobs and apparently spending time with me would be rather like a chore (or so I've been told), so maybe I should treat it like a job?  But what do you offer for this position?  What would make it an attractive position for someone to have?  I'll have to think about this further - I'm pretty sure a salary would be expected and that sounds downright illegal.  Plus, what would I do if no one applied?

Day 86: 12/06/11 - "Echo"

"My biggest fear will be the rescue of me
Strange how it turns out that way, yeah"

-"Echo" by Incubus

The Best Gifts: I don't usually like getting gifts. They make me feel beholden to someone else, like I owe them something.  I realize this is not rational since it is an over-generalization of the gift giving and getting process, but it is how I feel.  But there are some gifts that don't make me feel this way, and they usually are what I call Pam Gifts.  What are Pam Gifts, you may ask?  Pam Gifts are gifts from my friend Pam, who seems to specialize in sending people the perfect gift that they need right when they need it.  Case in point: Pam sent my Christmas present early.  Those of you who read my blog know that I haven't exactly been the most chipper person in the world lately (though I'm trying!).  I open my present because Pam gave me permission too and what do I see?  A tiny notebook called a Queen tablet (for those times when I need to make a royal decree!) and a magnet that says "wait - hope - expect."  I'll try to listen to the magnet especially and I may even need to take it to work.  Though these gifts don't make me feel completely like I owe Pam something, I know I do and it has nothing to do with the gifts and everything to do with the thought behind them.  Thanks Pam...

Baking...Again: Yep, I was at it again tonight, this time I made a sweet potato pie for a party I may not get to attend tomorrow (go figure!).  I actually like my sweet potato pie, and I hope others do too.  I don't like the crust I made though.  It definitely looked good when it was rolled out, but it still browned too quickly (always seems to happen!).  One day I'll figure out how to prevent this - I just hope the rest of the pie came out alright (the bad thing about pie is that you can't test it like you can a cookie or even cupcakes). 

home made crust

pie mixture poured in...

finished pie

The Final Day...Or, at least the final class day for my freshman seminar was today.  I must admit it was a bit bittersweet.  We had students create 6 word memoirs about the class today and though I don't think they all took it completely seriously, I still thought they had some good ones.  Here they are (no names attached to save me from embarrassing them and a little commentary from me):

• Lots of fun, Tuesdays and Thursdays!
• I need more extra credit, please!
• If his counts, mine counts too (this one was a joke)
• Your food is super freaking delicious (yes, I fed them!)
• I love Kawanna's class so much!
• Loved it, very fun, miss it
• I really enjoyed myself this semester
• Crazy girls, loud table, friends forever (if you were in my class you'd know how true this one was)
• Came to class, learned new things
• Best class of the whole semester
• I love Kawanna Bright very much! (no I don't give extra credit for this!)
• This class was very, very helpful
• I really enjoyed the guest speakers
• This class was the bomb-diggity
• Coming to class is very important (from a student who stopped coming to class and nearly failed the class because of it).
• Met people, ate food, "read" chapters (note how "read" is in quotations)
• Was served lots of good food
• Learned about school, had some fun
• Met people and enjoyed class time
• Fun class, easy work, great teacher
• Made a new friend, learned much

Which one is my favorite?  Take a guess - I won't pick on here (wouldn't be fair to my students!).  Only the final to create now and a hope that they will do well!

Day 85: 12/05/11 - "The Mountains Win Again"

"I pick up my smile

Put it in my pocket

Hold it for awhile

Try not to have to drop it..."

-"The Mountains Win Again" by Blues Traveler

Baking...Again:  I finished up my baking pretty early tonight since I have so much other stuff to work on.  Nothing too crazy this time around - just my chocolate and vanilla cupcakes.  I also tried to make some lemon cupcakes but they didn't turn out very well.  I had some miscommunication with myself on the amount of baking soda to add to the batter.  By the time I realized the mistake I could only add it in late and hope for the best.  This, of course, meant that my cakes didn't rise as they should have (oh well).  I'm going to try one in a bit to see if they are salvageable, but I suspect I won't be willing to share them with anyone.

New Toy: I did pick up a new toy today - a cupcake carousel!  It is designed to hold 24 cupcakes and it even looks a bit like a giant cupcake.  I couldn't resist and it was only $20.00 so I figured it was worth it with the amount of baking I do.  I hope I'll have multiple uses for it - even using it to carry around other things other than cupcakes.  We'll have to see!

The Nerve of Some People!  If you are told that something must only be done in secret (and not something illegal, just a fun thing that is done every year and theoretically hidden from someone else so they will be surprised in the future), then why do you feel you have the right to expose the secret to everyone?  Thanks a lot for ruining a nice tradition.  Now we'll have to start a new one...if we decide to even bother.  I always knew some people couldn't be asked to keep a secret...

Day 84: 12/04/11 - "Almost Doesn't Count"

"But everybody knows
Almost doesn't count"

-"Almost Doesn't Count" by Brandy

Baking up a Frenzy: Today I made both chocolate chip cookies and vegan lemon poppy seed muffins (one of my students is a vegan and I don't want her not to have something to eat during our finals prep party on Tuesday.  The cookies came out cute and tasty (as usual).  No need to post a recipe since it is just the one off of the toll house morsels bag.  But the vegan lemon poppy seed muffins deserve a recipe post (though I haven't tried one yet, so I don't know what they taste like).

Vegan Lemon Poppy Seed Muffins
 
1 3/4 cups unbleached all-purpose flour
1/4 cup organic sugar (I used Florida Crystals brand)
1 tbsp baking powder
1/4 tsp salt
1/3 cup unsweetened applesauce
3/4 cup soy milk
6 oz soy yogurt (I used vanilla but you could also use lemon)
1/2 tsp pure vanilla extract
1 tbsp lemon juice
2 tbsp grated lemon zest
1 tbsp poppy seeds

Combine the dry ingredients in a large bowl and set aside.  Combine the wet ingredients in small bowl and combine.  Mix the wet and the dry together, adding the poppy seeds about 1/2 way through the mixing process.  Don't over mix, combine just until moist.  Pour batter into prepared pans (or cups) and bake for 20 - 25 minutes at 400 degrees.

Though I haven't eaten one yet they definitely smelled nice and the batter tasted nice.  I'll tr one tomorrow and post what they taste like.

Hair Raising: I decided to twist my hair up, partly out of boredom and partly because of the temperature drop (I can't get a hat on my hair in its natural state).  Even I didn't realize how much it has grown in just the last month.  I tend to twist it up at least once a month just for a change, but it has gotten almost as long as it was before I had it cut off in Paris.  And yes, it is getting hard to twist up (takes longer).  But I realized how much I missed this look.  Twists are me...not the straight hair...not the natural fro...twists.  Others don't seem to like it but I'm at the point where I can say I don't give a shit what they like.  It's my hair not there's. 

Day 83: 12/03/11 - "Breathe (2AM)"

"It's 2am and she calls me cause I'm still awake

Can you help me unravel my latest mistake..."

-"Breathe (2AM) by Anna Nalick

Alien: Today I realize that though I love my family very much, I am not one of them. No, I do not mean genetically.  I am very much of their blood.  But some how, some way, I turned out to be a little different and that has never been more apparent to me than today.  I received a phone call from a member of my family and what they had to share was that they had screwed up...again.  I felt immediate anger but instead of yelling (as I wanted to) I said what I usually say.  What I really wanted to do was scream at them about how selfish they have been and how cowardly.  I don't understand it when people drink or do drugs as a way to deal with their problems.  It never solves the problem they are running from and it usually (as in this case) creates even more problems for them.  Problems that I will likely have to help them deal with and that will impact me more negatively than it does them.  Why am I the one who always has to pay?

I finally decided that I must have done something really terrible in a past life to deserve everything that is happening now.  I must have been mean and ungrateful to a wonderful family.  I must have taken everything for granted.  I bet I was beautiful and popular and rich.  I bet I had everything but didn't have enough sense to enjoy it.  Because now I have nothing and every day just seems to get worse.  I don't know what I'm supposed to do now - how to cope when the logical answer is the exact opposite of my personal make up.  How do I make myself get up every day when I know what I have to face?  Easy - I'm not a coward like the others.

Day 82: 12/02/11 - "I Dare You"

"I dare you to tell me to walk through fire
Wear my soul and call me a liar"

-"I Dare You" by Shinedown

Whirlwind: Today was a true whirlwind of activity.  Once I got to work I didn't stop moving until I came home at 7:00.  Of course I still don't know what I did all day and I still didn't get through all of my e-mails.  But I know that I did something today because I'm tired!

Newest Symptoms: Today I got a new symptom related to what I think is a hip issue.  My left foot started going numb and tingling while I was standing at the Information desk today.  I had to move around and then flex my foot to get things to start feeling normal but I didn't like the feeling.  Even once the tingling stopped I noticed that my ankle and foot were both hurting a little.  I'm going to have to keep an eye on this over the next few days and let my doctor know about it as soon as I have my follow up.

Not Good Enough: I'm still working on the song my brother wants me to sing and I'm still not good enough to be recorded.  I'm getting the lyrics down though (which is important).  I'm just not sure about the speed of the song - it's fast enough that I feel I'm struggling to make the song lyrical. The flow is slightly off I think - I may suggest to my brother that we slow it down a bit.  I'm not sure how he'll feel about that though, and it is his song.  I'm sure a better singer would be able to handle the quick tempo and still sound great.

Day 81: 12/01/11 - "Never Too Late"

"This world will never be what I expected
And if I don't belong who would have guessed it"

-"Never Too Late" by Three Days Grace

Forgetful Me: So this post is actually a day late since I was up late last night doing Late Night chat and completely spaced on posting.  Maybe that's for the good since I sometimes need to think before I post.  I'm feeling listless again, which is not good, but also feeling a little bit more focused - as if I have something to do that is really important and that I can actually get done.  Let's hope that is true.

Knit Earrings?  Someone mentioned this to me as a business venture and though I first laughed about it, I'm starting to rethink the laughter.  Would there be a market for this?  Could I actually sell something like that?  What would they look like?  Do I have both the design and knitting chops to pull something like this off?  I think the answer to that is "I don't know, but I can try!"  I don't think this would be an expensive venture to start and at worst I make some gifts for friends to see if they'll wear them.  Gotta start somewhere....

Day 80: 11/30/11 - "Whipping Boy"

"Lay all you want on me

Lay all you want on me

Lay all you want on me

I'll be your whipping boy..."

-"Whipping Boy" by Train

Sick & Tired: To say I'm sick and tired right now is nearly an understatement.  I'll already dreading tomorrow when I will have to force myself to go back to work and try to figure out how to balance a day with no breaks.  I took today off to try to reboot myself - but I think it back fired. After visiting the doctor this morning I've now been scheduled to see 3 more specialist and I'm putting one other on hold until I have some answers.  I'm also now scheduled for two more procedures (minimum) and hopefully an answer that can be treated - that's all I can ask for right now.

Motivation: I've lost all of my motivation again - I hate this seemingly never-ending cycle of slowly building my motivation back up and then having it just disappear again.  How am I supposed to maintain or finish anything?  I've got projects running that I have no hope of finishing and other projects that I have enough sense to not even start.  When did I become such a failure at the things I find fun in life?

Day 79: 11/29/11 - "Perfect"

"Pretty, pretty please

Don't you ever, ever feel

Like you're nothing

You are perfect..."

-"Perfect" by Pink!

Late Night Chat: A colleague and I decided to do late night chat this week to see if we got any night owls.  She had two on the first night.  I've had only one on the 2nd night.  But I consider even these small numbers to be useful.  Not sure if anyone else would agree and I'm definitely tired, but it has been worth it.

Farewell, Junior: My friend's husband sent me a message on FB tonight letting me know that their dog, Junior, had passed away during emergency surgery on the day after Thanksgiving.  I had not called or spoken to my friend in over a year, partly because I've been so sad that I didn't want to bring her down.  But I had to call her tonight and try to at least express my condolences.  It was good to talk to her, though I hated the circumstances.  I'll remember to call her more often - I miss her and her husband - they were very much my family while I was in Raleigh and when I left I lost them just as I lost my other friends.

Day 78: 11/28/11 - "If I Ain't Got You"

"Some people live for the fortune

Some people live just for the fame

Some people live for the power

Some live just to play the game

Some people think that the physical things

Define what is real

But I've been there before

And that life's a bore

Full of the artificial..."

-"If I Ain't Got You" by Alicia Keys

Return of Anger: I thought I had gotten past the angry phases I was in recently but they came back with a vengeance this morning. Maybe it was the long travel.  Maybe it was my frustration with things that happened while I was away.  Or maybe it was just the fact that it was Monday.  All I know is that when I found out that someone hadn't bothered to update their calendar to let me know that they were going to be out today and I went in early for a meeting, I nearly went through the roof!  I can't stand it when people waste my time.  I always feel terrible if I waste someone elses time but it truly pisses me off when someone does it to me and doesn't even bother to apologize.  I luckily didn't bite anyone's head off...but I wanted to!

Pentatonix: I've been so sad as I've watched the end of the Sing Off tonight.  I'm so scared to find out if Pentatonix won or not (I voted for them!), but when you leave it up to voting, you never know what could happen.  Now I'm tearing up as I wait...it's as if I'm waiting for someone I know and care about.  I guess you can get attached to people while watching live television.  I'm glad they get to live their dreams - whether they win or not.  I hope I some day get to live mine as well.  (if you were wondering...they won!)

Day 77: 11/27/11 - "So Far Away"

"This is my life
Its not what it was before

All these feelings I've shared

And these are my dreams

That I'd never lived before..."

- "So Far Away" by Staind

Airport Saga Continues: I should have known when I saw all of the rain falling today in Tennessee that it was going to be an adventure getting home.  I had to leave at 3:30 pm to catch an 8:50 pm flight so that I could stop and pick up my mother on the way.  All was fine until I tried to pull out of her yard and ran the car right into a bog!  I didn't realize how deep the mud was or how mushy the grass and surrounding area had become.  I buried the car and my mom's friend had to call a local friend with a truck to come over and pull us out.  So we spent nearly an hour in the cold and rain and both my father and I got our feet and jeans wet.  Luckily I was able to change when I got to the airport but was a pain in the butt.  Then, to make matters worse, when I arrived at the San Antonio airport I had to figure out where the shuttle to economy parking would pick up.  A bunch of us had to ask an officer to find out and we had to wait outside for nearly 20 minutes.  Then when we got to the lot, they only had one lane open for us to get out of the lot and it took another 20 minutes.  The only perk?  They only charged us $8 per day rather than the $10 we would have paid in long term parking.  Not sure if it was worth it now as I sit here with a sore throat and itchy eyes...

Day 76: 11/26/11 - "If You Don't Know Me By Now"

"If you don't know me by now

You will never never never know me..."

- "If You Don't Know Me By Now" by Simply Red

Family Time: Today was time with most of my family, though my brother was missing in action and Mom had to drive up and then leave early. It was like the old days in some ways but it seemed more fake than usual. My cousins came over and I got to talk genealogy with them. They gave me some good hints into my great grand father and now I can do some more looking - Arkansas may be my next stop.

Home Tomorrow: Funny how I still call it home though it doesn't quite feel that way. When will I find my true home? Where will it be? I went over to my cousin Brenda's house and saw a true home. I hope their kids know how lucky they are.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Day 75: 11/25/11 - "Everybody Hurts"

"When your on your own

And the nights - the nights are yours alone

And you think you've had too much

Of this life - hang on"

-"Everybody Hurts" by R.E.M.

The Trouble With...Not being a smoker when everyone else in your family is, is that when you visit for the holidays, you don't have a clean air space to stay. They don't even realize how bad the smoke is even when my eyes are watering, I'm coughing, and my chest is hurting. And I don't want to put anyone out by asking them not to smoke in their own home. But last night was tough.

Brothers: I tell people all the time just how smart and talented my brother is and how lucky I am to have him. I was reminded of that today when I got to spend some time with him, just us. He cut my hair for me, shared his music and even asked me to help him sing one of his songs. I'm sure he'll find someone better eventually but I'm still flattered.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Day 74: 11/24/11 - "Ode to My Family"

"Happiness, was when I was young and we didn't give a damn..."

-"Ode to My Family" by The Cranberries

Airport Woes: I left for the airport 2.5 hours before my plane was scheduled to leave. Imagine my surprise when I arrived there and the long term parking was already closed.  But the San Antonio Airport didn't help the situation by not putting up any signs to divert us before we got stuck in the line for the long term parking.  You had to wait in line, get to a staff person who was blocking the short term lane, get directions and a ticket, turn in your ticket to get out of the parking and then go over to the overflow lot.  Once there we wound up waiting almost 30 minutes for a shuttle bus to come and get us and drop us off at the airport.

Family Matters: It was good to see my family and get to enjoy my Aunt's cooking!  The sad part though was that we were missing some family members who just didn't get to come.  How did I know?  There was food left at the end of the day.  There is never food left at Thanksgiving and this year there was.  It was also the first Thanksgiving without our Uncle Bobby - it just wasn't the same....

Day 73: 11/23/11 - "Leavin'"

"I'm leaving on the next plane
Don't know if I'll be back again"

-"Leavin'" by Mos Def

Home Again: Heading home tomorrow so this will be short. I'm both excited and dreading this visit.On the one hand I miss my family but on the other hand I know it can be tough to be so many places at one time.  I can only hope for the best!

Quiet Days at Work: It was kind of nice at work today - quiet on the day before a holiday. Funny how upset some people got that we closed early - guess our staff aren't supposed to ned time off!

Day 72: 11/22/11 - "Like a Stone"

"And on I read

Until the day was gone

And I sat in regret

Of all the things I've done..."

-"Like a Stone" by Audioslave

Two Days of Hell: I can't believe how hellish the last two days have been, though nothing truly bad has actually happened.  I find it odd that I'm feeling this way when other days have clearly been worse.  I think some of it is resignation and I don't like feeling resigned about anything because it is like being one step from guaranteed failure.  I can only hope that tomorrow will be better as I'll be able to try to play catch up with things.  Let's just hope that I want to continue catching up at all...

Mixed Feelings: I'm feeling very mixed about going home for the holidays.  On one hand I really do miss my family and want to see them.  On the other hand, I just want to be left alone...left to wallow in my misery...or just sit and read...or just sleep...

Changing Things Up: I'm planning a new schedule for myself, hoping to jump start my metabolism and get rid of this extra weight I'm still hanging on to.  I'm not sure how my knees will hold up, so when I go to my doctor next week I'll have to ask her what I can do to naturally take better care of my knees.

Splurge Time: I'm beginning to think it is time for me to splurge on myself a little.  I don't like doing it, but this time I think I have to.  What am I planning on getting?  A new computer!

Day 71: 11/21/11 - "Second Chance"

"Tell my mother, tell my father

I've done the best I can

To make them realize, this is my life

I hope they understand..."

-"Second Chance" by Shinedown

Too Much: There's too much to do...too much to remembers...to much to think about...too much to apologize for...to much time lost that can't be reclaimed.  No wonder I don't know where to begin?  I'll have to try again tomorrow, though I already know that it will likely be a repeat of today.

Home? I head back to Tennessee in two days and I just realized that once again I'm not really going to a home.  I envy my friends who have family homes that they've known all of their lives and that they can return home to when they need to.  I return home only to the people, never sure where I'll lay my head or who will be upset by my choices.  I can only be glad its only for 3 days this time.  Normally that wouldn't be enough but this time around it is necessary.

Day 70: 11/20/11 - "Not Even the Trees"

"You see I'm tired of feeling this pain 

I'm tired of living my own little lie"

-"Not Even the Trees" by Hootie & The Blowfish

Just Not Right: No matter how well one day is, the next is not guaranteed to follow suit.  Today I've struggled with not feeling well from the start, including what I call restless leg, though I don't know if it is the same as the medically diagnosed issue with the same name.  All I do know is that it makes it difficult for me to sleep, and even more difficult for me to get comfortable when I'm sitting, standing, walking...moving in general.  And now I'm also suffering from indigestion, despite the Tums I just took.  The food at restaurants is too rich for me and I ate out tonight.  But I've noticed this happening more and more lately.  I'm worried I'm developing an ulcer.

Finished Blanket...Mostly: I've finished the baby blanket I was working on (mostly).  I now have to edge it and sew the ends in (which is going to take some time.  But overall it looks okay.  I'm not completely happy with the final design since I screwed it up - but no one will notice unless I tell them.  Pictures once it is done.

Day 69: 11/19/11 - "Renaissance Eyes"

"Are you alone

Renaissance eyes

I once had my family stolen from me

Renaissance eyes..."

-"Renaissance Eyes" by Hootie & The Blowfish

Failure Is An Option: Or, at least it has been for me today.  I couldn't finish my run - I had to walk the last 1/2 mile.  I couldn't finish my breakfast, it made me sick to my stomach.  I didn't go to the football game today, even though I had a free ticket.  Why?  I was in too much pain from my failed run and my stomach was upset.  What a waste...

That Doesn't Look Like the Picture: No matter how many ways I twisted and turned things, I could not get the blanket I made look like the picture that they put with the pattern.  I'm not sure what I did wrong but I like the variation that I wound up with.  I have to do the edging and sew the edges in, which can take quite some time, but at least it is done.  I don't think I'll do this pattern again.  The work of sewing it together at the end is just too much, especially with all of the cut ends.

What Gives Me Joy: Not much makes me happy these days, so I'm relishing those things that do.  Right now, The Sing Off is my guilty pleasure.  It makes me smile, makes me want to sing.  I'm cheering for Pentatonix - they are the small but mighty group.  I find them to be so original and creative, enough that I would actually buy a CD by them if they ever got to make one...and people who know me, know that I don't like spending money on anything like that.

And To Make a Bad Day Worse: The Sooners lost...

Day 68: 11/18/11 - "These Days"

"I wake up and tear drops they fall down like rain..."

-"These Days" by Rascal Flatts

To Go or Not: A friend gave me two tickets to the football game tomorrow.  It's UTSA's last one and I'm trying to decide if I want to go.  I originally turned her down because I knew I didn't have anyone to share the other ticket with and I didn't want to waste it, but she insisted that I should take it. I do want to go - it would be nice to see UTSA play a football game in this inaugural season.  But I'm already dreading the thought of trying to get downtown and the cost and the time.  Is it worth it?  Maybe I'll let the weather decide - if it is cold and rainy I'll stay put.  If it is nice, I'll go?

I Asked the Same Question!  I found it funny that someone asked me today why I was the one in charge of a new project. I laughed out loud and tried to explain to her what I felt the reasoning was.  But despite my explanation, we were both left shaking our head because it just didn't make sense.  I'm hoping I'm not the only one who realizes how ridiculous it is.  Don't they realize how much extra work it will take for me to get things together as one of the people least connected to the project?  Guess I'll just add it to the mounting pile of s*it I'm being asked to do.  Here's me, waiting for something to grow...