Day 4: 9/15/11 - "Hurt"

"You could have it all

My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way..."

-"Hurt" by Nine Inch Nails

There are days where you should just take the hint and go back to bed. Today was one of those days, though it didn't end too badly. Here's the recap:

I woke up with a pounding in my head and a stomach ache (bad omen #1), but I still made myself hit the gym...no excuses allowed. It took me longer than I expected to do my cardio, so of course I was running late, and my headache hadn't let up. I rush back to my apartment and start to pack my lunch and make my breakfast when I discover that my milk has soured (bad omen #2). So on a day where the temperature will be over a hundred, where the apartment is already pushing 90 degrees and where I'm rushed, I have to make oatmeal so that I'll have something to eat. I put the water on to boil, hit the shower (why wait for water to boil?), rush back to the kitchen and pour the oatmeal into the boiling water...and miss...getting some of the oatmeal under the eye. Yuck!!!! The smell of burning oatmeal is not pleasant! (bad omen #3). I gulp down the warm cereal, get dressed, fix the hair, grab the work bag, and head out the door, already 30 minutes behind schedule. Then I see my car...being watered by the sprinkler system at the apartment complex (bad omen #4). Not only is it a waste of water but the water is pour directly over the driver's side door...Yay, a 2nd shower for me!

Best Researcher Activity: I did get to have a little fun today as I had my students play a game to work on their research skills. The only downside? I get to grade...and grade...and grade some more this weekend! It was nice to try my hand at another "learn to do research" game and the students really got into it (could have been the extra points that were on the line!). I'm already thinking about what I can cover next Thursday and how to make it fun. It's startling how I'm finding my return to being a teacher to be the most fulfilling thing I'm doing right now. Even as I struggle with some of my students, I still stay positive and know that it will all work out. I hope I still have even this sliver of optimism as the semester continues.

Elsewhere on the Not Quiet Front: I'm still struggling with the merging of different areas in the library. We have so many things not working right that I'm finding it impossible to see what is working right. I'm hoping to get everything to an even keel soon so that new things, changes, improvement, whatever you want to call it, can start to take place. I just fear I'm going to run out of time...

New Name, Same Old Department: I'm mulling over the sort of "new" department name that we may be using soon. Not sure if I like it (though I don't dislike it). Just mostly wondering if the change is truly necessary and whether anyone , except for us internally, will even care. I'll just have to keep trying "Information Services & Student Engagement" out for a while. Wonder if it will stick?

Scavenger Hunts: I'm planning on having my students do my special "Murder Mystery Scavenger Hunt" as a treat some time this semester. Not sure when but I will surprise them - if they earn it! But while I was planning mine, some of my students participated in the LC's Sustainability Scavenger Hunt. I didn't expect them to win, but I was happy they wanted to participate. I get a call at 2:05 from one of my students in a panic. "Where are you? We need help!" I told her to come over to the library - I wanted to see what was going on. Sure enough, they had a list of questions and wanted me to answer them. I refused (you know me, Ms. Goody Two Shoes), but I did show them how to search for information on the University's site. Once I got them going I watched them interact and work together. They started out so frustrated and I thought they would quit, but they surprised me and kept working at a rapid pace and then headed off to finish up what they could.

I finished my next meeting and as I'm heading back downstairs one of my staff members says "There is a group of girls here to see you...I think they are part of the spirit squad or something." Spirit Squad? Why in the world would they be coming to see me. Then it hit me..."Are they wearing the same shirt?" Yes. It's my students...uh oh...they must not have won. I go out to the desk to see what was going on and they are smiling...they actually won the scavenger hunt! Of course, it wasn't that simple and there was some controversy and a strange story that is not meant for here. But I was very proud of them (and they will have the ultimate gratitude of the rest of the class since the prize is a pizza party!). Congrats to the Pretty Runners (yep, that's the name they picked).

Not a bad way to finish up the day, even as I stared balefully at the expensive KIC scanner that we just purchased and that has stopped working...again. Maybe it will rain tomorrow - we definitely need it.

Day 3: 9/14/11 - "Many the Miles"

"There's too many things that I haven't done yet Too many sunsets I haven't seen You can't waste the day wishing it'd slow down You would've thought by now I'd have learned something"

-"Many the Miles" by Sara Bareilles

This song helps me when I'm working out - has a nice beat and I find it motivating. I've also found that I'm a huge Sara Bareilles fan in general, but some songs just speak to me. This is one of them. I'm also a huge fan of "Love on the Rocks" and "King of Anything." I'm looking forward to seeing her on The Sing Off this year as a judge (since I know she'll get to perform as well).

But back to business. How was my day? I can call it so-so. Nothing got destroyed but I didn't accomplish anything either. I also find that my cynicism levels seem to be ratcheting up at astronomical levels. I really need to work on that! I woke up sad again (no difference there) but I did sleep 6 hours straight (miracle of all miracles). I was again reminded of my new dependence on medicine when I noticed I have only one pill left of my synthetic thyroid hormone. I'll have to get it refilled tomorrow...if I remember. I may have to investigate HEB's automatic refill program - could be what I need to keep me on track.

I set out to clean my desk off this morning and found myself only able to stack things up in a new location (is shifting a type of cleaning?). I'm worried that things will start to pile up and I won't be able to find anything. I also attended 4 different meetings and planned for my students' library session tomorrow. Since I'm no longer worried about teaching as part of a research study that I was originally part of, I've decided to let my students learn through gaming - something I prefer to do if I can.

Fun and Games. So I checked out the "Let the Games Begin" book that I have a chapter in (along with a good friend), and I think I'm going to try to modify and use one of the games for researching. I will, of course, post more about this tomorrow and let you know how it goes. I really hope they have a good time and learn while doing this activity. I watch them now and realize just how far away from my own freshman year I am, and just how far I was away from these students even then. I would not have fit in with them - I have trouble understanding them - and I struggle to help them to be successful. Sometimes I fight the urge to just let them fail...that's how I was raised.

Is Failure Good? Trying to figure out if failure is a good thing is likely one of those questions that has bothered a number of people for a number of years. I know some people believe that failure can be good - that it can teach someone how to be stronger. But I've also seen people fail and not bounce back. What of those people? What if I could have prevented their failure (at whatever activity)? Where does my responsibility end, especially when talking about students in my class? I don't have an answer, but maybe one day I will.

My Own Failures: I have too many to list but once I started this post, I realized that I needed to write some of them down, so here goes:

• I have yet to finish any of the books I've been writing. (Sorry HDC!)
• I have not finished the giant afghan I've been working on for 2 years now. (Sorry Sweetings!)
• I've failed at being a good daughter, sister, and friend. I'm a terrible friend by the way, just in case some of you are wondering.
• I'm too selfish (is this a failing or just a bad character trait?).
  
• I've failed at maintaining my weight loss and healthy lifestyle (up 27 pounds...not sure if I will ever lose it).
• I've failed at playing tennis.
• I've failed at my quest to always be honest with others and myself. This might be my biggest failing, so I don't think I need to go any further since this pretty much encompasses a lot of things that I've failed at.

So Why Are You Running Away? I ran a 5k this morning...on the treadmill...in 37 minutes and 27 seconds. My best clocked time ever in a 5k is 31 flat. I wonder if I'll ever get back there? I can honestly say that I'm hurting a lot after this run and my knee and ankle both don't appreciate the bad treatment I've given them. I'll just have to ignore them and keep going...or risk being up more than 27 pounds. But will my body hold up to allow me to lose the weight in the only way I know how (by running)? Only time will tell.