Year 2, Day 37: 10/18/12 - "50 Ways to Say Goodbye"

"She went down in an airplane
Fried getting suntanned
Fell in a cement mixer full of quicksand...

She met a shark under water
Fell and no one caught her...

She was caught in a mudslide
Eaten by a lion
Got run over by a crappy purple Scion...

She dried up in the desert
Drowned in a hot tub
Danced to death at an east side night club...

-"50 Ways to say Goodbye" by Train

The Train Has Slowed: Not sure it has stopped, but the reorganization train has at least slowed down a little now.  Others expressed some concerns about the timing and how this would impact the search for a new dean.  All good reasons why we shouldn't reorganize at this time.  But since there were people who helped to put together the reorganization document who weren't able to attend today's meeting, I suspect that we haven't heard the last of it.  But for now, the momentum has slowed!

Year 2, Day 36: 10/17/12 - "Same Mistakes"

"If you could see tomorrow what difference would it make?

Would it be so easy to make the same mistakes?"

-"Same Mistakes" by the Black Lillies

Things Can Only Get Better: I keep saying that to myself since I honestly don't know what worse looks like.   Things are getting very difficult since some more decisions that negatively impact others have been made.  Some people are finally getting frustrated with the actions but they don't know what to do.  It's not like they truly have a say (no matter how much we try to pretend that we do).  It also means that some of that frustration is starting to bleed out into other things, like meetings, and casual conversations.  This week has been tough and will get tougher before it gets easier (and there are only two days left).  What in the world will we do if there is an overhaul of the size that they are currently thinking of implementing.

No More Benadryl!  I had an allergic reaction today to something that touched my skin and was itching madly!  One of my colleagues had some benadryl and was nice enough to let me have it.  I didn't think anything about taking benadryl - I've taken it before and never had issues.  But today, I had the craziest reaction to it - I might as well have had someone give me a shot of heavy pain medication straight in the vain!  I was groggy and twitchy, and oh so sleepy (starting to sound like the seven dwarfs).  I couldn't walk straight and I could barely write. Luckily I snapped out of it but it took about two hours for it to run its course.  Never again!

Year 2, Day 35: 10/16/12 - "Everyday"

"Pick me up, love, from the bottom
Up onto the top, love, everyday
Pay no mind to taunts or advances
I'm gonna take my chances on everyday..."

-"Everyday" by Dave Matthews Band

Feeling Creative!  After the debacle of cake fail that happened last week, I had to redeem myself tonight by baking a banana loaf (still in the oven, but smells nice!), and by working on the baby blanket I'm designing.  This one is going faster than I had hoped and it should all be one piece which will save me so much time in the end!  Now, off to work on the book that I'm actually feeling good about writing.  All of that before my 11pm bed time.  This might be a good sign for me!

Year 2, Day 34: 10/15/12 - "Something More"

"Monday, hard to wake up...

Out the door.

The freeways standing still today

It's gonna make me late, and that's for sure. 

I'm running out of gas and out of time
Never gonna make it there by nine..."

-"Something More" by Sugarland

Communication is Key: It's definitely not the strong suit of my current institution, if the current actions and activities of others is any indication.  I'm going to have to be extra diligent in my own messages and methods of communication to insure that everyone is kept informed and everyone is kept up to date on things!  No communication is a scary thing to deal with, especially when it is so important that everyone be kept informed.

Share and Share Alike:  I've decided that the only way for me to push myself to finish one of my stories is to start posting excerpts on my blog.  This way, if any of my crazy (said lovingly!) friends starts reading it and wants to know how it ends, they'll badger me to finish it.  I need the motivation!  I figured I'd start with the book that is currently occupying my mind, one I call Four Crossings.  I'll put the opening here and see if anyone is paying attention - if they ask about it, I'll think about posting more!

Desdemona Quinn’s bottom lip was split, there was a small cut dripping blood over her left eye, and she was pretty damn sure that she had a few bruised ribs.  But she was winning.

            She stood there in the middle of the encaged ring and slowly stalked the man trying to fight his way back to his feet.  She had long ago blocked out the raucous cheering of the watching crowd.  They weren’t her concern.  But now that victory was imminent, she allowed much of the noise to seep back in.

            She glanced to her right and caught sight of a small girl, her face heavily bruised, her eyes full of some indefinable emotion.  Then she caught the eye of the woman standing guard over the girl, identical emerald green eyes sharing a silent moment.  Then the other woman spoke.

            “Finish it, Des.”

            Des couldn’t hear her, but she could read her lips.  She nodded, took two steps and with a deceptively smooth motion, slammed her heavy, steel-toed boot into the back of the man’s head.  He went down with a thud and stayed there.

            Des stood over him for a long moment before she turned and left the ring.  She walked with her head held high, her back straight despite the pain shooting through her ribs.  The cage door was opened and she ducked through and out into the crowd which parted easily for her exit.

            She went to the other woman and knelt in front of the young girl.

            “You’re safe now, little one.  He won’t hurt you again.”

            The girl’s large brown eyes filled with tears and she launched herself into Des’s arms.  Des fought back a flinch at the pain the impetuous embrace caused, but it was a hurt she would gladly bear.  She returned the girl’s hug and then easily set her away from her.

            “Esme is going to take you to the main transfer station.  You should be back home in no time.”

            The girl’s eyes widened in surprise, “I get to go home?”

            Des smiled at her, “Yeah, little one.  Four Crossings is no place for you. And your family misses you very much.”

            The girl’s eyes widened further and she began to tremble slightly.  “I d-didn’t think they’d want me back.”

            Des felt a sadness fill her but she did not betray the emotion to the girl.  She knew all too well what it felt like to not be wanted.  She shook her head at the girl, “They want you back very much. So much so that they offered a reward for your return.”

            The girl couldn’t hide her surprise or her growing happiness.  Des had stretched the truth slightly, but the girl didn’t need to know that.  She stood and moved away from the girl, sharing another look with the other woman.

            “It’s time.”

            Esme nodded and guided the girl away.  Des watched them disappear into the waning crowd before she turned to head the other way towards the back exit.

            No one approached or bothered her as she moved away from the hustle and noise.  They all knew who she was and what she was capable of.  The people of Four Crossings were many things, including greedy and murderous, but they weren’t stupid.

            Everyone knew that messing with Desdemona Quinn ranked right up there with messing with the devil.  Many people even believed her to be the devil.

Year 2, Day 33: 10/14/12 - "Not The Doctor"

"I don't want to be the filler if the void is solely yours

I don't want to be your glass of single malt whiskey hidden in the bottom drawer

I don't want to be the bandage if the wound is not mine

Lend me some fresh air..."

-"Not the Doctor" by Alanis Morissette

 Rethinking Everything: I'm not sure why this weekend turned out the way it did, but it has led me to sit down and rethink everything about my life.  I'm not just talking about the surface things, like how I wear my hair or how I dress.  I'm talking about deeper things, like what I believe in and what I believe to be true and right.  I've always held myself to a pretty rigid code of ethics and I've stuck by it no matter what.  But now I'm starting to think that I need to relax this code and really consider why I have held myself to such high standards all my life.  I try not to second guess myself or my decisions.  But I'm doing that now, and not just for my recent decisions.  I'm thinking about decision I made five, ten, even twenty years ago.  Of course, I realize how futile this is, but that doesn't mean I'm able to stop it.  It's like the floodgates have opened and everything that I wanted to forget about myself has come flooding back in.  Tonight I'm sleeping on my couch because my bed makes my back hurt.  I just don't know if I'll actually get any sleep since I'm pretty sure my brain will be working overtime to process all of the crap that I've let back in.

Year 2, Day 32: 10/13/12 - "Strange Days"

"It's evening, you're tired
You sleep walk, a robot out to the street
Are you crazy to want this, even for a while? 

You're driving, it's rush hour
The cars on the freeway are moving backwards
Into a wall of fire
Backwards
Into a wall of fire

We're done lying for a living
The strange days have come and you're gone
You're gone..."

-"Strange Days" by Matthew Good Band

No Words: I don't have the energy or the desire to write a true post today.  I'm tired.  I'm fed up.  I'm sad.  I'm lonely.  I'm wondering why I bother.  The headaches are getting worse.  Just another thing for me to add to my list.

Year 2, Day 31: 10/12/12 - "Bulls on Parade"

"Weapons not food, not homes, not shoes
Not need, just feed the war cannibal animal
I walk the corner to the rubble that used to be a library
Line up to the mind cemetery, now
What we don't know keeps the contracts alive an movin'
They don't gotta burn tha books they just remove 'em
While arms warehouses fill as quick as the cells
Rally round tha family, pocket full of shells..."

-"Bulls on Parade" by Rage Against the Machine

Children...They Are Acting Like Children...Watching hoe some people act in this day and age is disappointing and scary to me.  I have seen the most immature behavior in the past week than I ever expected to see in a work place with adults.  Educated adults.  Highly degreed adults.  The "me" mentality that seems to weave it all together is disappointing as well.  I'm not saying that people should not focus on themselves. But to see so many people disregarding the feelings of others in their quest to get what they want. Now that is disappointing.  I need someone or something to restore my faith in humanity, because from where I currently stand, I have none.