Day 39: 10/20/11 - "I Need a Doctor"

"I'm about to lose my mind

You've been gone for so long

I'm running out of time

I need a doctor, call me doctor

I need doctor, doctor,

To bring me back to life..."

- "I Need a Doctor" by Eminem

Book Sale - Day 4: So today we did only a small amount of business, but that is to be expected as the sale winds down.  Tomorrow, we slash prices (1/2 off!) and also we will do the "All you can fit in a reusable shopping bag for $2.00."  Of course, they have to have their own shopping bag - we aren't giving those away!  I think we will have so pew people who are able to do this, but the 1/2 price should lure a few in.  If we keep going at the current pace, we might make $1700.  I also got a lecture today on how we should not allow someone who sells books online to come and buy things at our sale (as if I could stop them!), and since we likely cannot do that, we should price our textbooks higher than the other books and even offer a pre-sale to certain people who'd be willing to give us more money (since it is for charity and they can write it off).  Do I need to say that I was not in the mood for the lecture and I was proud of myself for not yelling?

Spirit Day: Today was spirit day, in support of the It Get's Better Project.  If you had purple, you were supposed to wear it today (and I think many people were but others just happened to be wearing the color). I didn't have anything purple to wear but I did take my purple scarf I'm knitting for a friend.  Funny that today was also the day that I walked past a student using the "f" word as if it were a normal part of polite conversation (which to him it may be).  I had to keep myself from yelling at him about using the word - if it had been one of my students there would have been serious hell to pay.  Instead, I just had to keep walking and showed my disgust with a look...not good enough, I know...

Double Up: Today was the first day of doubling up on my medication and so far, no difference (which is actually good because I was worried that I would immediately swing too far in the other direction.  Luckily, that did not happen and I'll take 2 more tomorrow.  Fingers crossed that I start to feel better and don't get an over-dose of the stuff.

Day 38: 10/19/11 - "I Try"

"Games, changes and fears,

When will they go from here?

When will they stop?"

- "I Try" by Macy Gray

Hypothyroidism: Before my surgery, I had a slight case of hypothyroidism, based on my symptoms, but not based on my blood work.  Today I went back in for my 6 week check up and was told that I was severely hypothyroidic (is that a word)?  Let's just say that my doctor told me to double my dosage over the next 4 days because my levels were so low.  The only good news is that I haven't lost my mind.  I thought all of these strange symptoms were just me not doing well in general.  I'm hoping that once I get myself to a normal level I will start to feel more human.  Right now I'm always on edge and depending on the provocation, I either want to yell at someone or cry...tonight it is cry.  How embarrassing is that?  To be having a normal conversation with someone about something that is pretty innocuous, and all of a sudden I'm sniveling because I'm fighting the urge to cry.  Hell, I'm fighting the urge to cry right now!

Book Sale - Day 3: I found out that we out-sold last year's book sale after only the 2nd day.  Now I have a new goal for the sale - I'd love to be able to donate $2,000 to charity for this sale.  I think it would be a great showing for us and really help uplift the spirits of many involved in the campaign.  Who knows, it might lift my spirits as well.

Born in the Wrong Time: I used to say that I thought I was born in the wrong time.  I have the type of mentality that I always thought would be better appreciated in years past.  But a friend just reminded me of something that I don't think about.  If I had been born in a different time, in the past, I would not have made it past my 27th birthday.  Why?  Gall bladder disease, for one.  It would have killed me when it flared up 8 years ago.  Even if I had survived that, what about the thyroid issue?  And add in the fact that I have an astigmatism and I would have been running around the world unable to see two feet in front of my face.  Guess I need to start being grateful I was born when I was.

Writing Buddy: A friend of mine suggested that we try to support each other as writing buddies.  I hope it will be enough to get me moving on finishing some of my work.  I really need to complete at least one of my stories.  I know that they won't sell, but I have to finish something.  I can't go through life failing at everything I try...

Day 5: 9/16/11 - "Red"

"They say freak,
When you're singled out,
The red, well it filters through."

-"Red" by Chevelle

Rain, Rain, Wish You'd Stay. Stay, Stay for Another Day. I know that's not the real rhyme, but if you've been in Texas for the last year, then you know we need the rain. Today it rained and it was wonderful to watch and walk in. Then it was gone. Not sure if it helped our aquifer, but it couldn't hurt. As I thought about all of the sunshine and the heat that we've had lately, I started to wonder about SAD. When I lived in Seattle, people kept telling me to keep an eye out for the symptoms since technically they get so little sun there. But I never struggled. I started to wonder if I would have trouble with the opposite situation - too much sun! I do think that has been a part of why I've struggled with the big D so much recently. I mean, does the sky have to be so freaking blue all of the time? Can't I even just get a cloudy day (even if it doesn't rain)? And WTF is up with the multiple 100 degree days? I know what you're going to say...I moved to Texas, so I get what I deserve. I can only hope the weather breaks soon...before I do.

First the Right, Now the Left? I managed to make it through another 5k this morning, but my right knee is now barking. It doesn't feel like my left one did (the one with the torn meniscus) but it still hurts on stairs and bending. I'll have to keep an eye on it. I think watching my body breaking down has been the most annoying (and disheartening) part of aging. I know it is natural, but I think I'm aging prematurely and I hate it.

Beware the Cantaloupe. My father called this morning while I was on the treadmill and asked me if I had bought any cantaloupe recently. I told him know, I hate cantaloupe. he was very relieved...he worries about me now and often calls me any time there is a recall. Especially on things he knows I love, like ground turkey. I'm not surprised he forgot that I don't eat cantaloupe (my mother loves it), since I eat most things and love watermelon.

Helping the Lost. My staff member called me out to the desk today at nearly 5pm. I was already thinking that I might make it out of the office by 5:30 (which would be a real coup for me!). Instead, I met a student who was new to our country and struggling with the usual issues that student's have...roommates. I spent over an hour trying to help her figure out what to do (without giving her real advice since that's not part of my job). If you are wondering why I even bothered, its because I know on one level what she is going through (being far from home with no family). I at least could speak and understand the language well. She speaks fairly well but struggles to convey what she really feels. I sent her on her way with a plan and I hope it works for her. I honestly don't know what her other options might be (she said she tried to talk to counseling services but they didn't help her). She may just be out of luck. I almost said to her, "That's life" but thought that I would sound too callous.

Every Day. I took my last pill this morning and luckily I had remembered last night to call in my refill, but even as I drove home, I kept thinking "how sad I have to stop and get my pills so that I don't skip a day." Just another reminder of just what I've lost.