Day 40: 10/21/11 - "I Am"

"I never had a day where money didn't get in my way"

- "I Am" by Train

Book Sale - Day 5: Today was the final day of the book sale (yay!).  Unofficially, we raised over $1800.  I have to now pack up all of the books and take the rest to Half Price Books to sell to them.  Doubt we'll get very much but at least we'll get rid of the rest of them...but not sure how I'm going to get them all there on my own - I'll have to try to find some help.

60 Hour Work Weeks: I decided to calculate how many hours I actually spent working this week and it all came up to 60.  I couldn't believe it myself.  I've had some long weeks but I don't think I've ever hit 60 hours before.  50, yes.  Easily.  But not 60.  The sad part about it all was that I felt as if this was my most unproductive week ever.  I hope that doesn't continue as I move forward but so far nothing is changing for the better.

Grow Some!  Today one of my co-workers came up to me to let me know that a library patron had told her that he thought I was "beautiful."  I should be flattered but it actually pisses me off!  Why tell her?  Why not tell me?  Am I that intimidating?  What's the worst that could happen?  I tell him that I don't date students, or I tell him I'm not interested, or I tell him thank you and that I appreciate the compliment?  I'm tired of men too scared to say hello to a woman - if you think someone is beautiful - just tell them!  I actually find it creepier that you tell someone who is a stranger to you!!!

Day 39: 10/20/11 - "I Need a Doctor"

"I'm about to lose my mind

You've been gone for so long

I'm running out of time

I need a doctor, call me doctor

I need doctor, doctor,

To bring me back to life..."

- "I Need a Doctor" by Eminem

Book Sale - Day 4: So today we did only a small amount of business, but that is to be expected as the sale winds down.  Tomorrow, we slash prices (1/2 off!) and also we will do the "All you can fit in a reusable shopping bag for $2.00."  Of course, they have to have their own shopping bag - we aren't giving those away!  I think we will have so pew people who are able to do this, but the 1/2 price should lure a few in.  If we keep going at the current pace, we might make $1700.  I also got a lecture today on how we should not allow someone who sells books online to come and buy things at our sale (as if I could stop them!), and since we likely cannot do that, we should price our textbooks higher than the other books and even offer a pre-sale to certain people who'd be willing to give us more money (since it is for charity and they can write it off).  Do I need to say that I was not in the mood for the lecture and I was proud of myself for not yelling?

Spirit Day: Today was spirit day, in support of the It Get's Better Project.  If you had purple, you were supposed to wear it today (and I think many people were but others just happened to be wearing the color). I didn't have anything purple to wear but I did take my purple scarf I'm knitting for a friend.  Funny that today was also the day that I walked past a student using the "f" word as if it were a normal part of polite conversation (which to him it may be).  I had to keep myself from yelling at him about using the word - if it had been one of my students there would have been serious hell to pay.  Instead, I just had to keep walking and showed my disgust with a look...not good enough, I know...

Double Up: Today was the first day of doubling up on my medication and so far, no difference (which is actually good because I was worried that I would immediately swing too far in the other direction.  Luckily, that did not happen and I'll take 2 more tomorrow.  Fingers crossed that I start to feel better and don't get an over-dose of the stuff.

Day 38: 10/19/11 - "I Try"

"Games, changes and fears,

When will they go from here?

When will they stop?"

- "I Try" by Macy Gray

Hypothyroidism: Before my surgery, I had a slight case of hypothyroidism, based on my symptoms, but not based on my blood work.  Today I went back in for my 6 week check up and was told that I was severely hypothyroidic (is that a word)?  Let's just say that my doctor told me to double my dosage over the next 4 days because my levels were so low.  The only good news is that I haven't lost my mind.  I thought all of these strange symptoms were just me not doing well in general.  I'm hoping that once I get myself to a normal level I will start to feel more human.  Right now I'm always on edge and depending on the provocation, I either want to yell at someone or cry...tonight it is cry.  How embarrassing is that?  To be having a normal conversation with someone about something that is pretty innocuous, and all of a sudden I'm sniveling because I'm fighting the urge to cry.  Hell, I'm fighting the urge to cry right now!

Book Sale - Day 3: I found out that we out-sold last year's book sale after only the 2nd day.  Now I have a new goal for the sale - I'd love to be able to donate $2,000 to charity for this sale.  I think it would be a great showing for us and really help uplift the spirits of many involved in the campaign.  Who knows, it might lift my spirits as well.

Born in the Wrong Time: I used to say that I thought I was born in the wrong time.  I have the type of mentality that I always thought would be better appreciated in years past.  But a friend just reminded me of something that I don't think about.  If I had been born in a different time, in the past, I would not have made it past my 27th birthday.  Why?  Gall bladder disease, for one.  It would have killed me when it flared up 8 years ago.  Even if I had survived that, what about the thyroid issue?  And add in the fact that I have an astigmatism and I would have been running around the world unable to see two feet in front of my face.  Guess I need to start being grateful I was born when I was.

Writing Buddy: A friend of mine suggested that we try to support each other as writing buddies.  I hope it will be enough to get me moving on finishing some of my work.  I really need to complete at least one of my stories.  I know that they won't sell, but I have to finish something.  I can't go through life failing at everything I try...

Day 37: 10/18/11 - "Big Girls Don't Cry"

"...But I've got to get a move on with my life.

It's time to be a big girl now

And big girls don't cry..."

- Big Girls Don't Cry by Fergie

Anything More than 10 Hours is Too Much: I wound up working a 13 hour day today.  My feet, back, and head are all telling me to never, ever do it again.  But my brain knows that it will happen again and probably within the next week or so.  We just don't have the coverage we need to cover people being off due to illness (their own or a family members).  My colleague covered last night, so I covered tonight.  But there is just no way to easily get through such long shifts when you have no warning.  If I had known how long of a day I would have, I would have chosen to dress differently (shoes are important); I would have packed both a lunch and a dinner (eating out costs me extra money I don't have).  And I would have planned other parts of my day to allow me to get more breaks or get meals so that I wouldn't starve throughout the day.  Needless to say that none of that happened because everything was done on the fly.  I got through it but it was painful at the end.

Book Sale - Day 2: So I found out that we cleared more than $800 at the book sale on the first day.  Apparently we only made $1200 the entire sale last week.  Today was much quieter, so I don't expect that we made as much money, but we likely broke last year's amount and it was only day 2!  We even sold the entire Encyclopedia Britannica to someone for only $30!  Now I just have 3 days left to get through (help!) and we may have more books being delivered tomorrow from our Downtown Campus (if they can get their act together - I refused to go pick them up, I don't have the time).

What I Miss the Most: The one good thing about tonight was that I got to be on the desk for a few hours in a row and this brought back such good memories.  I had forgotten how satisfying it is to help a number of students with such varied needs. Whether it is the person on chat who needs to find archives of magazines (what a struggle - our access was not great, but by the time we were done, they had a good start), the student trying to get the cloud application to work (we got it figured out without OIT's help!), or the student who needs to find The Breakfast Club DVD so that they can watch it (nostalgia for a great movie!).  I did not have one time tonight where I felt I failed a student.  It's rare for me to have a day with a sense of success...

Carson Palmer: I have to comment on this because I kept saying it would eventually happen - I just didn't know it would take an injury to Jason Campbell to facilitate it.  Carson Palmer said at the end of last year that he would not play again for the Bengals (yes, some could say he was sulking, pouting, or just downright being a big baby) and he stuck to his guns.  The Bengals said they wouldn't trade him (Really?  Why keep someone who doesn't want to be there?).  It looked like a stalemate with Palmer retired but boom!  Campbell gets hurt and Palmer is now wearing the silver and black.  I wish him luck.

Day 36: 10/17/11 - "Bodies"

"Beaten what for

Can't take much more..."

- "Bodies" by Drowning Pool

Book Sale, Day 1: Today was the first day of the SECC book sale and overall it was a success.  The toughest part was the beginning as I realized I was trying to get everything set up and in place by myself.  When I looked up and it was 10 minutes til 9:00 am, but the books had not started to show up, I nearly went into a panic.  It took up 20 minutes to get all of the books out in the Sombrilla.  Once we did that, things really sped up.  The biggest sale of the day was $140.  The woman gave us more than that since it was for charity. She's likely planning to resell the items and will probably be able to get 10 times what she paid.

We have over 3,000 books and more came in today (some departments were running late in delivering or calling for a pick up).  We'll see if they sell or not.  I've also had someone express interest in buying whatever we have left - so I might not have to pack them all up and haul them over to Half Price Books.  I have to check in tomorrow with the assistant who did the counting and see how we did today.

The worst part about today was the fact that people standing above us on the 2nd level of the Sombrilla were smoking and then dropping their cigarette butts over the railing...right into where we were sitting!  I was so pissed I wanted to storm up there and throw something at them.  Then I noticed that even when they got rid of their butts properly, they were flicking their ashes and those kept filtering down on us as well.  I think we might need to start asking the University to crack down on this.

My favorite line of the day: "The book sale week was definitely a lost week for me last year."  This was said by the person who was in charge of it last year (and this does not bode well for me!

Fatigue: Countdown to the doctor is not two days.  I'm hoping he will have some answers for me, especially with this fatigue that is putting me on my butt pretty much all day.  I had two times today where I had to exert myself - I wound up recovering much slower the 2nd time.  Add to that the fact that I got in today at 8:15 am and didn't get off until 7:30 pm and you could say I was downright exhausted.

Another long day planned for tomorrow so I'd better go to bed early tonight...just hoping I can stay asleep!

Day 33: 10/14/11 - "Fields of Gold"

"I never made promises lightly

And there have been some that I've broken..."

- "Fields of Gold" by Eva Cassidy

Lost Time: Tonight I was hit by this overwhelming feeling that I'm losing time.  Not just the usual feeling of time passing quickly, but the sickening sensation that time is slipping away.  Stemming the tide of panic when this sensation hits is very difficult for me as I move quickly from this sensation to near-panic.  My heart-rate immediately jumps, tears fill my eyes, and I start gasping for air.  Luckily I'm still able to bring myself back to normal by simply telling myself to stop it - but what happens when simple words no longer work?

Toilet Paper Rolls: I know, this is a strange thing to be writing about, but I was not a happy camper when I went to change the empty toilet paper roll last night.  I immediately noticed that the new roll (which was from a new pack of Angel Soft toilet paper) was quite a bit shorter than the empty one I was removing.  I decided to measure and sure enough, it is nearly 1/2" shorter.  I calculated what this would mean in a whole pack and it means that I'm actually getting 1-1/2 fewer rolls of toilet paper.  I could easily tell when the ice cream companies started decreasing their packages, and I've seen it in other areas as well, but in my toilet paper? Really?  I'm completely disgusted by this, by the way...

Flossing Twice Daily Won't Keep the Dentist Away: At least, not permanently, but today I had a pretty good dental visit for my 6 month cleaning.  Only a few areas to watch and no major issues.  Now I get to wait for another 6 months to see if I can avoid the drill and costs of major dental work.  I did get a lecture on how to properly floss.  Who knew that you could floss twice a day and actually be doing it wrong?  I'll try out the new techniques suggested by the hygienist and see if they help...only 6 months to see what the impact is.

Book Sale of Death: Okay, so it's not that bad, but I swear I can't wait for this book sale to get started.  On Monday I'll have to go in early (and work late) so that I can finish everything.  I hope that it goes well - we got over 3,000 books donated!  It is an amazing site and we are selling them cheaply, so hopefully we will make some cash this year to donate.  But all I can really think about is how I can't wait for it to be over!

Day 30: 10/11/11 - "Soul Rock"

"You are my soul rock when the tide is up

And the waves are crashing in on me

Soul rock when I've had enough

Of the wreck of everything"

-"Soul Rock" by Ferras

Name Tag: It's funny the things you notice at odd times. I put my name tag on today and realized that I had forgotten that my title had changed, so my name tag is incorrect.  Since they are cheap I've requested a new one be ordered for me, but then I remembered that my business cards are also now all incorrect.  Though not overly expensive, I hate the idea of throwing out a 1/2 box of business cards (though I also hate the idea of giving out incorrect ones and having to explain things).  What a waste...

Visiting the Vampires: Today was my blood draw day so that when I go back to the doctor next Wednesday they will hopefully have my results and know if my thyroid hormone levels are within normal range.  I also get to talk to the doctor about all of the other odd symptoms I'm having.  Hopefully this visit will yield the help that I need right now to try to get back to normal. I don't like this Kawanna very much at all, and I had enough trouble liking the other Kawanna.  Other than getting stuck in traffic due to construction, the blood draw was actually rather painless.  The technician did a really nice job and had me in and out of there in less than 3 minutes.  Too bad my doctor's visit will likely take 3 hours - I plan to take my knitting with me.

Speaking of Knitting...I have jury duty tomorrow and they don't allow knitting needles in the court room.  How heart breaking!  I'm planning to take my students' papers so that I can work on some grading, and I have a couple of books that I will try to read.  I wonder if they allow sleeping in the court room?  Sleeping I could definitely do!

Bothersome Book Sale: This book sale is driving me crazy!  I'm on book pick up duty tomorrow (if I get off of jury duty in time).  If I don't get them tomorrow I'll have to make another trip downtown on Thursday just to pick them up.  So far I've been told there are over 6 boxes waiting for me.  Not sure how I'm going to get all of those books into my car and then into the library, but I'll figure it out tomorrow.  Hopefully the temperature will stay Texas-mild and I won't be too uncomfortable as I try to shift and move heavy boxes.  I really can't wait for this book sale to be over and it hasn't even begun yet!

Listless: This is the best word to describe my students today.  Not sure what was going on with them, maybe it was the after-Midterm blues, but they just weren't "there" today.  I was frustrated with them and ready to call it a day myself.  Found out from one of my colleagues that his class was about the same.  Maybe something in the air on campus?  I hope it clears up before Thursday - I don't want to go through another class session like that again!

Day 17: 9/28/11 - "Who Knew"

"When someone said count your blessings now,
'Fore there long gone.
I guess I just didn't know how
I was all wrong..."

- "Who Knew" by Pink

Unhappy Camper: That was me today - nothing made me happy and everything bothered me for one reason or another. Some things I think I was right to be bothered by. Other things I think I just let get to me (or maybe they just felt bigger than they were because of all of the other things). My list:

• Woke up with a headache and still shaky (like most mornings).
• Watch battery stopped working so I wound up being late for two appointments.
• Complaints from students related to other students eating/drinking in the library (and subsequently a near argument with someone else about it as I tried to explain what the problem was).
• Left ankle swollen after only half the day (Really? I didn't even do anything to it today!)
• Forget to plug in my phone and it dies and then it won't charge properly.
• Ran out of baking cups and butter so had to hit the store on the way home during the height of traffic and heat.
• Father called to let me know that the car dealership where I got his car again reneged on their deal of free oil changes. Now I'll have to call them tomorrow to complain and let them know that they've lost our business (like they'll care!).
• 2 new major things added to my "to do" list for work, when I'm already seriously behind.
  

I think that's enough. If I add all of the recurring things, I might as well call it the "Bitching Blog."

My Failure as a Teacher: I'm starting to feel like I'm not being a very good (effective) teacher for my students this year. My group is so homogenous and I'm used to having some more distinctive personalities. I can't decide if I'm being handcuffed by the syllabus and topics that I did not choose (I just teach them), or if I'm just not a very good teacher for this particular group of students. How do I keep them from failing and also not fail them at the same time? Conundrum.

Money Flies: I know they say that time flies, but lately I would say that money flies...as in out of my wallet and away from me. It's funny how these things all seem to happen at the same time. Large medical bills come in at the same times as my professional organization membership renewal, and my need to make my travel arrangements for conferences. have over $2,000 go out of your pocket at one time really hurts, even when some of it will come back eventually. I wonder what it's like for those who don't have money worries. Reminds me of a line from one of my favorite songs, "I Am" by Train:

"I never had a day when money didn't get in my way."

Apropos I think.

Book Ideas: I know, if I can't finish the books I'm working on already, why in the world would I want to start thinking about another book idea? But this one is different - it's not fiction, it's real life. And it's a perspective I don't think others would think of. I won't pitch it fully here (don't want someone else to try to take it away from me), but I will say that it could be a great documentary as well!

Home made Buttercream: I know I've said this before, but I need to say it again...I will never buy canned frosting again! I've made buttercream so many times now that it seems like second nature. And the quantity you get and the quality as well are so much better than the pre-made stuff. I don't know if others agree, but I know I'll always splurge on the butter and powdered sugar and make my own! Check out my Day 2 for the actual recipe.