Day 248: 5/16/12 - "Waiting For a Star to Fall"

"I hear your name whispered on the wind
It's a sound that makes me cry
I hear a song blow again and again
Through my mind and I don't know why
I wish I didn't feel so strong about you
Like happiness and love revolve around you

Trying to catch your heart
Is like trying to catch a star
So many people love you baby
That must be what you are

Waiting for a star to fall
And carry your heart into my arms
That's where you belong
In my arms baby, yeah...

Waiting (however long...)
I don't like waiting (I'll wait for you...)
It's so hard waiting (don't be too long...)
Seems like waiting (makes me love you even more...)"

-"Waiting For a Star to Fall" by Boy Meets Girl

Strange Days: Today was strange because it 1) went by so fast and 2) didn't have any major catastrophes.  Not that every day recently has had a major catastrophe, but it sure has felt as if bad things have been happening a lot lately.  Today I made it through some situations that I worried would turn out badly but all turned out the way I hoped.  Now I have to continue to go into the situations with the belief that they will work out...and having the patience to wait for my hard work to be rewarded.

Lyrics Come to Life: I haven't written any new songs lately, but the one I actually finished keeps popping into my head tonight, specifically one refrain...

But I, don't wanna know what life is like all alone
Don't wanna spend another lonely night by the phone
Don't wanna face a future unknown
Can't imagine the days with you gone...

 I write such depressing songs!  I need to find some happiness and some joy so I can start writing more positive lyrics.  Especially if those darn songs are going to keep popping into my head and playing over and over, and over, and over....you get the picture...

Day 149: 2/7/12 - "Two Conversations"

"My brother gave you money

My sister gave a child

I gave you beautiful silence..."

-"Two Conversations" by Bill Reveles

Fitting Song Titles: There are days when the song title I hear early in the day truly speaks about the rest of the day.  This happened to me today in a way that was nearly impossible to comprehend.  But I think we left the meeting with some sense of understanding, even if I'm sure we were having two conversations.  Now it will be a watch and see situation - where we see if the final outcome of either conversation is what we hope for or expect.

Sinus Cycles: Just a couple of days ago I had a cough because my sinuses had drained into my throat and chest.  Now my head is stopped up again and I have a sinus headache.  Are you seriously telling me that I'm heading for another round of the stuffy head then sore throat then cough issue I just dealt with?  It sure seems that way!  I'm going to have to hope the weather changes soon and helps with whatever is making my sinuses hate my guts!

Survivor's Guilt: I'm having survivor's guilt...though I don't know what I survived!  I just have this nearly overwhelming sense that I should feel guilty.  I'm stuck trying to figure out what I did wrong and why I feel so guilty for my actions (or supposed actions).  I may never know - I may only be able to shake it off and move on.  Either way, it is uncomfortable!

Day 45: 10/26/11 - "Quasimodo"

"you can be right
and I'll be real
honesty won't be a pain that you'll have to feel
cause I don't need your approval
to find my worth
I'm trapped inside of my own mind
afraid to open my eyes cause of what I'd find and I
don't want to live like this anymore

there goes my pain
there goes my chains
did you see them falling
because this feeling
that has no meaning

there goes the world
off of my shoulders
there goes the world
off of my back
there it goes

does it scare you that I can
be something different than you
would it make you feel more comfortable if I wasn't
you can't control me
and you can't take away from me who I am

there goes my pain
there goes my chains
did you see them falling
because this feeling
that has no meaning

there goes the world
off of my shoulders
there goes the world
off of my back
you can't change me
you can't break me

there goes the world
off of my shoulders
there goes the world
off of my back

have you ever felt
like your only comfort was your cage
you're not alone
I've felt the same as you
have you ever felt
like your secrets give you away
you're not alone
I've been there too
cause everyone is looking
and everyone is laughing but I think
everyone feels the same
everybody wants to feel ok
everybody wants to
everybody wants to feel

there goes my pain
there goes my chains
did you see them falling
because this feeling
that has no meaning

there goes the world
off of my shoulders
there goes the world
off of my back
cause I don't want it
I don't want it
you can't change me
you can't break me

there goes the world
off of my shoulders
there goes the world
off of my back
there it goes"

- "Quasimodo" by Lifehouse

Quasimodo: I rarely list the lyrics to a full song, because normally it is only a line or two that catches my ear, grabs my attention, and makes me nod and say "yes, that is me today."  But when "Quasimodo" came on my iPod this morning, I nearly tripped on the treadmill as I was reminded of why I like the song to begin with...and why it truly speaks to me, of me, about me.  Read the lyrics closely and then think about the title of the song - then you'll get it.

Adding Another One to the List: I have a short (but getting longer) list of holidays that I absolutely loathe!  At the top of my list?  Valentine's Day.  Never liked it, likely never will.  Christmas is a close second, mostly because of how commercialized it has become.  No one even remembers what it should be about any more.  And now I'm adding Halloween.  When did it become about debauchery?  What's up with the skimpy outfits for teens and pre-teens?  And the cost of costumes and candy?  Halloween is supposed to be for kids and I'm beginning to think that there are too many adults taking this holiday over.  Maybe I'm just jealous because I had to stop trick or treating when I was nine because of my height.

So Shaky: I think its the new medicine but I've been so shaky (internally) these last few days.  It feels like I have shock waves pulsing through my legs and arms and I just know that my heart is going to start beating right out of my chest.  Luckily no one else can see the trembling (yet) and my heart isn't actually racing so I know its all in my head.  Now I just need to get it out of my head!