Day 348: 8/24/12 - Wrong For Each Other"

"You go on your way
I'll go on mine
Please don't you call me
Or drop me a line

I'll be better off now
With somebody new
And you should find someone
More suited to you

Cause we're wrong for each other
Wrong for each other
Let's fight another round..."

-"Wrong For Each Other" by Andy Williams

Farewells Continue!  Today they had the "official" going away party for me at the Libraries.  It was wonderful to see so many people come out to wish me well!  We had way too much (or, I should say, I had way too much) chocolate cake and good conversations.  It was interesting to hear what most people would remember me for (my baking was mentioned first, but others mentioned my Christmas outfit when I was the party emcee, and others my Gothic librarian Halloween outfit!), and very heartening to know that I will be remembered and missed.  I hope they know they will be missed too!  I also got some very nice gifts (unexpectedly), including a good luck bamboo, a lemon/lime squeezer, and a 50 set of decorating tips (I was in heaven!).  They know me so well - the bamboo will do well in my new office along with his big brother who is in my current office and needs to be brought home for travel purposes.

Cosmic Bowling!  We had so much fun tonight at Cosmic Bowling!  I did well in my first game but struggled in game two before bouncing back in game three. We all laughed and danced and sang and it was the best thing I've done since I've been here.  Everyone agreed that we should have done it sooner and not waited until I was leaving.  I seem to only go bowling when I'm on my way out of town - go figure!  No more parties, though I'm trying to pull together some karaoke on Monday night since it is my last free night before I have to have everything done.

Worst ATM Placement Ever!  BOA, what were you thinking?  You put both of your ATM machines in the same drive up lane?  So the first car pulls in to the first machine and the next one pulls up to the 2nd one.  And even though the second one finishes their transaction first, they have to wait until the first car gets done.  Or, the first car gets done, but the second car is still working on their transaction.  There is a third car waiting in the wings and they have to wait until the 2nd car moves out of the way...all the while the first ATM is sitting there empty and waiting for someone to use it!  Okay, rant of the day over.

Day 347: 8/23/12 - "It Will Rain"

"Cause there’ll be no sunlight...
...There’ll be no clear skies...
...Just like the clouds
My eyes will do the same...
Everyday it will rain, rain, rain..."

-"It Will Rain" by Bruno Mars

Party Number Two: The Access Services staff were so sweet and gave me a small luncheon party today.  I over-indulged (again) but it was tasty.  And it was nice to sit and chat with staff that I normally don't get to interact with as much.  Only two more parties to go (and lots of more things to clean up!).

Heartbreak and Smiles: Today I found out that two people I know well are both pregnant.  I'm happy for both of them though totally floored by one of them.  I am also completely heartbroken because both of these people are my age (or slightly older) and once again I'm watching others have what I want...knowing that I won't get to have that.  So part of me is happily planning for a 4th baby blanket (plus the one I have to finish), while the other half wants to lay down and cry as if her heart is breaking...because it is.  Maybe one day it won't hurt as much as it does now...

Moving Day Approaching: My moving day feels so real now and I still have so much to do..  I have to call the truck company tomorrow to find out how it works when you have a car that needs to go on a trailer on the back (you can't load the darn truck with a car attached to the back!).  Then I have to call the movers in Florida because they haven't bothered to get back to me and I need to schedule them to help me unload the truck.  Wish me luck!

Day 332: 8/8/12 - "Rock the Boat"

"So I'd like to know where, you got the notion
Said I'd like to know where, you got the notion

To rock the boat, don't rock the boat baby
Rock the boat, don't tip the boat over..."

-"Rock the Boat" by Hues Corporation

What's Wrong With This Picture?  I kept seeing this ad on a site I frequently visit and every time I looked at it I kept thinking, "what is wrong with this picture?"  It took me a long moment to finally figure out that I was weirded out by the fact that they had Enrique's name above Jennifer's picture and vice versa.  How kooky is that?! 

My Olympics Update: Watching the Olympics tonight was like watching someone write up a plan for how to get the US back into the lead for the overall medals count.  Other than one event where the US only had one person medal, it was amazing to watch the US get two medals in a number of the other events.  They either went 1-2, or 1-3, and it was pretty amazing to watch!  I also, of course, love watching diving, and am a little sad that the gymnastics (artistic) competition is over, but another part of me will be glad when the entire Olympics is over so that I can go back to watching my baseball.  My fantasy team has suffered in my "absence"!

Biting My Tongue, Biding My Time: I had to bite my cheek a couple of times today to keep from saying something that might not have gone over very well.  Luckily I had someone sitting next to me who got my attention and gave me a look that said, "now, now".  It was pretty funny, actually, since what I was going to say wasn't really controversial - just contradictory to what others were saying!  But sometimes you have to step back and think about what is really best and what is necessary and what would have just felt good!  Oh well, it's not like I've ever tried for what just felt good before, so no need to change my pattern now!

Day 313: 7/20/12 - "Time is Love"

"Time is love

Gotta run

I loved to hang longer

But I've got someone who waits

Waits for me..."

-"Time is Love" by Josh Turner 

It's Good to Get Out: A bunch of us went out to each lunch today, which was new for me since I've only gone out to each lunch around 6 or 7 times since I moved to San Antonio.  We went to a place called Malabar (though the door said Taste of India) and they have a really nice $5.99 deal that gets you a taste of three things and some naan and some pudding (though I didn't eat the pudding).  I had the zucchini masala, the chicken curry, and the chicken tikka masala.  The only bad thing about the place was that they had a very limited menu.  The menu given to us was only one sided and about 3/4 size of a sheet of paper.  Only the items underlined in blue were available for order.  Luckily I found 3 things I wanted to try, but I was hoping for a little more variety and hated the fact that there were items on the menu that you could not order.  But I guess that is a more cost effective way for a smaller business to keep their heads above water if they don't have to try to make every dish, every day.  Would I go back?  Sure!  Especially if I could find out when they would rotate to some of the other dishes.  I'm also glad I didn't look at their online menu before we went - I would have been sorely disappointed!

Tired But Not Sleeping: It's becoming a trend for me as I get up early and then go to bed late and get sleepy in the middle of the day.  Not conducive to being productive, that much is for sure!

Day 297: 7/4/12 - "Something to Talk About"

"Let's give them somethin' to talk about

A little mystery to figure out..."

-"Something to Talk About" by Bonnie Raitt

So Out of Shape!  I decided to go for a run outside today since it was a holiday and I could barely do 2 miles!  Not sure what is going on...maybe I'm just travel weary?  I was able to do 3.2 in California....but it wasn't as hot.  I feel as if I'm carrying around an extra twenty pounds or something and my ankles are both killing me!  Looks like my last shoe choice might not have been the best one.  I'll have to look into getting a new pair and soon!

Heartburn City...Again: I'm sure my heartburn is caused by my mental angst.  I don't like confrontation, though I deal with it well.  And tomorrow I'm likely to be knee deep in confrontation.  Part of me can't wait - the time has come.  The other part hates having to deal with this at all!  My goal is to keep my composure - that's the most important thing for me to do.  Others will likely lose there's but I cannot allow myself to do that.  I've been too quick to anger lately and I need to get that under control (even if it is warranted anger).

Fireworks...Still going off...for the past 15 minutes...it's like being back in Anaheim!  Oh, my head!

Day 292: 6/29/12 - "Defying Gravity"

"Something has changed within me

Something is not the same

I'm through with playing by the rules

Of someone else's game

Too late for second-guessing

Too late to go back to sleep

It's time to trust my instincts

Close my eyes: and leap!"

-"Defying Gravity" from Wicked

I Love That Musical!  This is the second time I've seen Wicked and I can truly say that I love that musical!  It doesn't matter who plays the roles - they always have such talented singers and dancers. And the story itself is one that we should all pay attention to.  Where else does the wrong girl win?  That's what I'm looking for in my life...to be the one chosen when everyone else overlooks me.  I hope I get to go back again some day, but for now I'm off to download the soundtrack!

 

Day 290: 6/27/12 - "Don't Miss Your Life"

"...We all know time goes way too fast
Hold on tight ‘cause it don't happen twice
Don't miss your life."

 -"Don't Miss Your Life" by Phil Vassar

But I'm On Vacation!  The audacity of some people!  Your procrastination is not my problem nor is it my fault, so bugging me during my time away is just rude!  And, asking me to take care of something that you know damn well you can take care of by yourself, well, that's just plain stupid since I'm not there and I can't do it.  Keep in mind that I'm on VACATION.  I may send you e-mails during your time away but I don't expect an answer.  You're sending me text messages and e-mails with deadlines of this week...while I'm on VACATION!!!

Speaking of Vacation...I hung out at UCSD today while my friend TO went to her class.  The campus has some of the coolest architecture I've ever seen!  I had a great time taking pictures, hanging out in the library, and then freezing my butt off while enjoying the free guest wifi access (thanks for having such great access!).  Here are the pics of the campus that I took:

Day 280: 6/17/12 - "Make You Feel My Love"

"I know you haven't made your mind up yet

But I would never do you wrong

I've known it from the moment that we met

No doubt in my mind where you belong..."

-"Make You Feel My Love" by Adele

Reverse Discrimination?  Okay, so this is going to sound weird and be one of my odder observations, but a few weeks ago I remember fussing because I got up Sunday morning for my walk to the grocery store, only to find it closed.  Why?  It was Mother's Day and HEB was closed.  I couldn't believe it!  So I got up this morning and prepared myself for the same fate, though I needed to walk anyway.  Low and behold, they were open...normal hours.  What in the world?  Is this a way to say that fathers are less important than mothers in our world? What could be he reasoning behind this decision?  I'm still trying to figure this out (while also being happy the store was open).

Waiting Game: I hate having to wait to do something, whether pleasant or unpleasant.  I just want to get whatever it is over with and move on.  But now I have to wait and I need to be patient about it.  I can't let my emotions get the best of me.  I need to remember to stay clam and in control.  I also need to go ahead and pack for my trip on Thursday.  No wait I'm waiting until the last minute to do that!  Still hoping to get a ride from the airport.  I thought I was going to be able to ask for a ride to the airport but realized my flight leaves at 7am, so no chance anyone would be willing to get up at 5:30 to drop me off.

Day 279: 6/16/12 - "Beautiful"

"Every day is so wonderful
Then suddenly, it's hard to breathe
Now and then, I get insecure
From all the pain, I'm so ashamed..."

-"Beautiful" by Christina Aguilera

Long Day: I managed to get my 6 miles in today but it was tougher than I expected.  I ran inside on the treadmill since it has gotten too hot to be outside lately.  I was struggling during the last mile but I managed to complete it.  I really need to figure out how to replenish my fluids faster.  I wonder if the Gatorade people do free consultations for non-athletes!  That would be asking for a bit much!


Anger or Acceptance: I'm trying to figure out if I'm angry about the actions of someone or just accepting of them since it tends to be the way they've always been.  Right now I'm leaning towards acceptance since it doesn't really matter to me what they do.  But anger is still there because I feel like there is potential for there to be more.  Oh well...

Day 278: 6/15/12 - "Out of L.A."

"She said, "Man I gotta get out of this town

Man I gotta get out of this pain

Man I gotta get out of this town

Out of this town..."

-"Out of L.A" by Beth Hart

My Odd Taste in...Everything: So, I'm watching Megamind and from the beginning I made the observation that the Baby Megamind was so cute while the Baby Metroman was...well, not cute.  So is it strange that I found adult Megamind to be more attractive than the adult Metroman?  Okay, I know that sounds a bit strange, but truly I think I've always been the same way with "real" people.  Someone that others call ugly, I often find to be nice looking. And those that others say are pretty, I often find to not be as attractive as others think.  Go figure!  Okay, enough of the craziness of watching cartoons as if they are real life!

Guess What?  I know from experience that when I'm trying to make myself feel better about something, or when I know I'm trying to convince someone of something that isn't quite true, I tend to ramble on and on and on....Got to experience that for myself today and definitely didn't like it one bit!  Also, had the urge to laugh because it truly was comical the way it was happening.  Live and learn...and keep it short and simple!

Day 274: 6/11/12 - "Everybody Bleeds The Same"

"If it's fear that you feel
The fear exists on a larger scale
Spin the world and stop it still
Anywhere you land, anyone you kill
You are gonna find that

Everybody bleeds the same after all
Everybody feels the same pain
And the preachers preach
And they write it all down like they know
But the secret is
Everybody bleeds the same..."

- "Everybody Bleeds The Same" by Ferras

Decisions, Decisions:  Some decisions are easier than others.  I know that when I chose to come here to San Antonio, I found it to be an easy decision.  I'm now faced with another big decision and this one is so far from easy that I can't even call it difficult...it might damn well be impossible.  No matter what I do I will have to give up something.  And I won't have any way of knowing which is the better decision (note, I don't say "right" decision) until after I make it.  And then there is no way to truly compare things anyway since I have to try to compare apples to oranges.  *sigh*  I need to sleep on it!

Cookie Experimentation:  Decided to tweak my cookie recipes tonight.  Didn't touch thr M&M one - it tends to be fine nut added a few different spices to the chocolate ones and decided to change up the oatmeal ones by throwing some almonds, white chocolate chips, and cranberries to it.  Yum!

Crazy Celebrations: Am I the only one who thinks that some sports have the most dangerous celebrations?  The piling on at the end of some games in some sports (baseball and basketball, namely) is downright stupid.  The person on the bottom could easily get seriously hurt!  And the jumping onto home plate in baseball?  Kenji Morales...enough said.  But nothing scares me more than hockey...when a team wins and everyone goes to mob one or two people...and they are all wearing skates...with blades...oh yeah, that's just not intelligent!

Day 263: 5/31/12 - "Heaven Forbid"

"Twenty years it's breaking you down, 

now that you understand there's no one around.
Take a breath, just take a seat, 

you're falling apart and tearing at the seams.

It's on your face, is it on your mind, 

would you care to build a house of your own.
How much longer, how long can you wait, 

It's like you wanted to go and give yourself away.

Heaven forbid you end up alone and don't know why
Hold on tight wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright..."

-"Heaven Forbid" by the Fray

You Have Got to Be Kidding Me!  I was sitting at home minding my own business when all of a sudden my fire alarms started to blare.  They only beeped 3 times each, but they were loud, annoying, and totally out of the blue.  No, I wasn't cooking anything - the oven hadn't even been on tonight.  No, I wasn't using the microwave.  I have no idea why they started to go off.  I checked outside to see if my neighbors were burning down the complex and there is no smell of smoke, no heat, nothing.  I thought all was good, but then they did it again right at Midnight!  What is this?  Some kind of joke?  Alarms don't get to go off for no reason.  These aren't the kind that I should have to get up and put batteries into because they are wired to work together.  I mess with one and they both go off!  I'll have to check with the complex tomorrow since I don't want to be scared awake by alarms (or have my neighbors yelling at me about it either).  Guess I'll try to go to sleep now...and hope for peace and quiet...

Day 260: 528/12 - "City"

"Calling out somebody save me I feel like I'm fading away
Am I gone?
Calling out somebody save me i feel like I'm fading

In these deep city lights
Girl could get lost tonight
I'm finding every reason to be gone
There's nothing here to hold on to
Could i hold on to you?"

-"City" by Sara Bareilles

You Don't Have to Lie: I'm used to people not wanting me around, not wanting to spend time with me.  I don't need you to lie to me if you don't want to see me. Just say you're busy, or don't call at all.  I'm not going to pester you or stalk you.  If you say you're going to call and you don't (and I know you aren't dead) then I take it to mean you just don't want to talk to me.  That's cool.  Don't try to force things and then when you realize you don't want to actually bother with me, you make up some lame lie that I can easily see through.  That actually makes me feel worse than if you were just honest and said "go away, leave me alone, not interested."  I would find that much less cruel and more to my liking.  Honesty...so hard to come by these days.  It's okay though, I don't hold it against you for not wanting to spend time with me...most people don't want to.  The few who do are truly special...I miss them a lot on days like this...

Holiday Work: Working on a holiday is always a little odd.  Mostly because people who come into the library look at you with expressions that say both "thank you for being here -and what the heck are you doing here?"  I hate to tell them that they can't have it both ways.  They are happy that the library is open but they feel bad that someone has to work in order for it to actually be that way.  I did get a thank you from a faculty member who was glad we were open.  I guess that is something!  But I think if someone actually worked out the cost of having someone with my salary working on a holiday and the amount of work I actually did (or the type of work), they would say that I shouldn't be working on that holiday.  I get paid for the holiday and I get comp time for working.  Just a reminder that we need to fix the staffing issues we have right now - we can't sustain this any more...

Blueberry/Peach Cobbler: I tried my hand at making a cobbler tonight.  It was pretty easy, though nothing like the way my mom makes her fantastic blackberry cobbler.  But I found some recipes online and combined them into something that turned out to be edible.  I especially like the topping.  It was funny to see the different types of toppings that people put on their cobblers.  There was the crumbled style, the biscuit style, the cake style, the bread pudding style.  I'm not sure what mine is, but it sure did look good!

Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter?  WTF?????

Day 255: 5/23/12 - "Sweet Serendipity"

"I can’t say what’s next
And I got nothin' up my sleeve
But I don’t lose my head
Cause it ain’t really up to me...

A nd I’m doing just fine
I’m always landing on my feet
In the nick of time
And by the skin of my teeth
I ain’t gonna stress
Cause the worst ain’t happened yet
Somethings watching over me
Like Sweet Serendipity...

I don’t ask for a lot
No nothing more than I need...

I just want to be strong
At the end of the road
I don’t want to hold on
I want the strength to let go...

Don’t look fate can only find you
You can’t choose for something to surprise you
Set sail without a destination
Just see where the wind will take you
You never know when you're gonna fall..."

-"Sweet Serendipity" by Lee Dewyze

Oh, My Back!  Why is it when my back "goes out" now days, its when I'm doing something simple and not really doing anything that should hurt it?  That's what happened this morning as I squatted down to put a bag down on the floor.  Knees were bent, no torque, bag was light and suddenly I felt my lower back muscles start to quiver and then clench painfully.  I made it back to my apartment but the stairs nearly defeated me.  I knew I was in trouble but couldn't even take my medication to help alleviate the pain and discomfort since I had to go to work today.  Just now getting ready to take my medication so that I can go to sleep and then pull a 12 hour day tomorrow.  That...truly...sucks!

Self-Absorption: This isn't truly accurate but it was as close as I could get to the sense I had today about how much I've been focused on the issues I've been having along with a couple of others.  Today I found out that a couple of other very nice people were having major issues too and it saddened me to see them so unhappy and looking for a way out.  One of them found that way - the other one is looking.  Both of their losses will be noticed and felt.  But it reemphasizes for me that others are suffering and not just the small localized group that I had thought.  It might be time for some sort of uprising or we all run the risk of having to choose to run away and start over - which is not fair to us.

Day 250: 5/18/12 - "Even If It Breaks Your Heart"

"Some dreams stay with you forever

Drag you round and bring you back to where you were

Some dreams keep on getting better

Gotta keep believing if you wanna know for sure...

Keep on dreaming even if it breaks your heart..."

-"Even if it Breaks Your Heart" by the Eli Young Band

Pay for What You Get: I stopped by a hair salon today to have the edges in the back of my hair removed.  They don't look bad but they do look a little ragged if I pull my hair up.  As the woman was working on my hair I warned her to be careful and not cut up too far.  She said "I didn't - just taking off the back."  As I was leaving she waved off payment - said it wasn't worth her time (I'm guessing she meant that it didn't cost her any time) since it only took her a minute.  Everything seemed fine until I started untangling my hair to wash it and low and behold to long locks came out in my hands!  She had cut off two of my twists!  I was so mad, but what can you do?  She hadn't charged me so I paid for what I got, which was a slight butchering.  At least I have so much hair that it isn't noticeable.  Of course, I know about it so it will drive me crazy.  And as my hair grows back out I will have uneven hair in the back no matter what I do since the hair she cut will grow more quickly and lengthen more than the edges that I cut on occasion.  I won't be going back there, which is sad since it is where I also went the first time and the other woman did a great job.  I will at least contact them and let her know that she should be more careful, whether she is charging someone or not!

Wordle is Fun!  Check out my Wordle created from a 3 page paper I just completed.  I forgot how much fun it was to put together Wordles.  They show you so much about the words you used and can really let you know by the size of the words you used most frequently whether you stayed on topic as you had hoped to.

Day 249: 5/17/12 - "All We Are"

"I kept falling over
I kept looking backward
I went broke believing
That the simple should be hard

All we are we are
All we are we are
And every day is a start of something beautiful...

And in the end the words won't matter
Cause in the end nothing stays the same
And in the end dreams just scatter and fall like rain"

-"All We Are" by Matt Nathanson

A Day Late: I was so tired last night that I didn't even bother trying to put together my blog post. By the time I turned off my computer I was seeing double and pretty much fell asleep right away (which is a miracle for me).  What I would have posted about was pretty basic yesterday, and here it is in all its fascinating glory.

Pet Peeve City: I got home from work to the joy of a neighbor playing their music so loudly that they were shaking my walls...and they live two apartments down!  I have the urge to go down there and ask them to turn it down, but I also know that if your neighbors are already inconsiderate enough to play their music that loudly (there's no way they don't know it is too loud), then they likely won't be welcoming of someone asking them to turn it down.  I try to keep a low profile around my neighbors - I don't know them and I don't particularly want to.  And I really don't want a pissed off neighbor knowing I'm not happy with them - they might just crank it even louder!  Oh well, I'll just have to start thinking about moving on again - maybe it is time to consider buying a house?  Who knows!

Local Weather Report Not Looking Good: My trip might be a rainy one (though I've heard that can be expected with southern Florida.

 

At least it won't be in the 90's and the humidity will be below 80%.  Beggars can't be choosers!

Day 243: 5/11/12 - "The Remedy (I Won't Worry)"

"When I fall in love,
I take my time
There's no need to hurry when I'm making up my mind
You can turn off the sun,
but I'm still gonna shine and I'll tell you why...

Because

The remedy is the experience,
This is a dangerous liaison
I say the comedy, is that it's serious.
This is a strange enough new play on words
I said the tragedy is how you're gonna spend,
The rest of your nights with the light on
So shine the light on all of your friends
When it all amounts to nothing in the end.

I won't worry my life away..."

-"The Remedy (I Won't Worry" by Jason Mraz

Worrisome: I spent a long night unable to sleep due to the actions of others only to have their plans thwarted...at least for a few days.  I plan to go into this weekend with a sense of purpose and actually get some things done.  But I also plan to accomplish a few things for me this weekend, even if all I do is my laundry!  How does that help me? It will keep me from running around naked, for one.  And I'll get some of my favorite clothes back, and stop having to dig into the back of my closet.  Monday will be here soon enough...I need to enjoy what time I have now.

Just Got Paid...Sort of!  My friend/colleague already paid me for the cake I made (I told her to wait, but she insisted).  I won't say how much she gave me but I will say that I think she overpaid me.  But she wouldn't let me give her any change back.  So I'll have to find another way to sneak some money to her (I'm creative, I'll figure it out!).  But it was nice to actually make the cake, decorate and deliver it.  I almost felt like a true baker for a moment there!

It's All In What You Say: I've been torn about a relationship I've sort of been in for a while now.  I had finally made the decision to just stop everything - I didn't feel it was working for me and I was tired.  Then they asked me why - really asked me why and I told them.  Then I asked them to answer a serious question for me - I asked them why me?  For the first time they actually answered me truthfully - no games, no jokes, no playing around, no trying to sound glib or cool.  A truly insightful, deep response.  What do I do now?  I take time to digest their words and I admit that I may need to reevaluate my decision to not give us a try...and wonder if now it is too late because of me.  Relationships just aren't easy, are they?

Day 241: 5/9/12 - "A Change Would Do You Good"

"A change,

Would do you good,
I think a change,
Would do you good...

I've been thinking 'bout catching a train,
Leave my phone machine by the radar range,
"Hello it's me, I'm not at home,
If you'd like to reach me, leave me alone"

-"A Change Would Do You Good" by Sheryl Crow

Some Change is Good!  Some news comes to you and you file it away for later use.  Other news comes to you and you immediately feel and see the impact it has on you and on others. Today was a day like that as both types of news were heard today.  What it will truly mean will depend on how others respond to it, but I, at least, am left with both good and bad feelings about the future.  This is one time we'll just have to wait and see.

Cake Baking - Day 1: Today I baked both the chocolate and vanilla cakes for the cake I'm making.  What did I learn during this process?  That my chocolate cake recipe is better for cupcakes and too moist for larger cakes (though it will still work).  My vanilla cake is ideal for this type of cake (a little thicker than most cakes but still moist and soft).  I made up a batch of peanut butter buttercream and halved both cakes.  They are now cooling in the fridge and waiting for tomorrow.  Tomorrow I will be making the rest of the buttercream and the decorating icing for the rest of the cake.  Wish me luck on this one - pictures of the process and the final product will be shared!

Day 240: 5/8/12 - "New Soul"

"I'm a new soul
I came to this strange world
Hoping I could learn a bit 'bout how to give and take
But since I came here, felt the joy and the fear
Finding myself making every possible mistake"

-"Yael Naim"

Bait: I dangled some bait today for someone and now I'll sit back and watch and wait to see if they take it.  Why am I setting bait?  Because someone is passing along information that they should be keeping to themselves and I need to know who it is.  Being careful and not talking to anyone is not the best way for me to respond, since I need to keep and build relationships.  But I do need to know whom I should be wary of since their actions will impact my ability to do my job.  It will also show me if I need to avoid this person outright - if they are uncaring enough to set me up to fail, then I need to make sure I don't give them the opportunity or the satisfaction.  Fingers crossed that they don't take the bait - I'd rather be wrong about this one.

Clothing Sizing: Usually I have issues with clothing being too small for me.  I ordered a new suit from Long Tall Sally and their size 14 fits like a 16!  Now, I could sit here and say, "I could have lost some serious weight!" but I know for a fact that my other clothes in 14 fit just fine.  I hate that I have to pay to send it back but no reason to keep a suit you can't wear.  The pants didn't even come with belt loops so I couldn't even try to wear them.  They were nice and long though (which I loved!).  But at least I now realize why the suit jacket didn't look quite right - it was a little too big around the ribcage (go figure!).  No time to reorder so I'm going to just return it and work with the other suit that I have.  Not preferred but it fits well enough!

Good Karma: One of my coworkers has some seriously good karma coming her way.  I was mentioning how I needed to go to the store to pick up a new decorating tip for the cake I'll be making and she gave me her $10.00 off coupon for Sur La Table!  I couldn't believe it!  I was able to get two tips, a set of cupcake liners, and a cupcake corer (something I've wanted for a while) and it only cost me $2.  How will I repay her?  Of course she'll get some cupcakes, but I'll also give her my $10 coupon when it shows up - it's only fair!

Day 239: 5/7/12 - "Fell On Black Days"

"Whatsoever I've feared has come to life
Whatsoever I've fought off became my life
Just when everyday 

Seemed to greet me with a smile
Sunspots have faded
And now I'm doing time
Cause I fell on
Black days

I fell on black days

Whomsoever I've cured I've sickened now
Whomsoever I've cradled I've put you down
I'm a search light soul they say 

But I can't see it in the night
I'm only faking
When I get it right
Cause I fell on
Black days
How would I know
That this could be my fate

So what you wanted to see good 

Has made you blind
And what you wanted to be yours 

Has made it mine
So don't you lock up something 

That you wanted to see fly
Hands are for shaking
No not tying

I sure don't mind a change
But I fell on 

Black days
How would I know
That this could be my fate..."

-"Fell On Black Days" by Soundgarden

Baking Success and Failure: So after having others taste test .my Reese's Pieces Cream Filling, I can announce that it was both a success and failure.  It as a success in terms of the taste - everyone thinks it does taste like Reese's Pieces, but it won't be used in the case. Why?  The color is a failure!  By the time you puree the three different colors of the Reese's Pieces and then heat them up on the stove, you end up with this odd orange/brown color...which, though tastes great, is just not visually appealing enough to slap on what I plan to make into a beautiful cake.  So we are going to just go with buttercream (which is fine!).  And besides, my peanut butter buttercream is lip smacking good! But I am back to this idea of creating cupcakes with all of these different Cream Fillings and selling them.  I was wondering what crushed oreos would bring to the mix?  Or 'Nilla Wafers?  Anything that is not inherently meltable would likely work.  Chocolate chips wouldn't work unless I was going for a chocolate cream filling.  I'm thinking more in terms of recreating the things that we don't necessarily think of having as a cream filling.  I'll keep creating and maybe turn it into a business plan.  But I have to get good at the execution!

When Will They Learn?  I'm awaiting final word on how to proceed with something at work and though they are checking with the experts, I can't help thinking that this is definitely one of those "traps" of their own making.  They created this issue with their policy changes (changes that did not make any sense in the first place) and now we are all swimming around in the muck.  I want out of the muck....I want a chance to clean up and start over without feeling as if I have been sullied by the actions of others.  Why do they keep doing things that impact me negatively and expect me to just go with it?  Everyone has their breaking point and also the point where they start to feel as if I'm doing something ethically wrong.  I'm starting to feel as if I'm walking that line right now.