Day 45: 10/26/11 - "Quasimodo"

"you can be right
and I'll be real
honesty won't be a pain that you'll have to feel
cause I don't need your approval
to find my worth
I'm trapped inside of my own mind
afraid to open my eyes cause of what I'd find and I
don't want to live like this anymore

there goes my pain
there goes my chains
did you see them falling
because this feeling
that has no meaning

there goes the world
off of my shoulders
there goes the world
off of my back
there it goes

does it scare you that I can
be something different than you
would it make you feel more comfortable if I wasn't
you can't control me
and you can't take away from me who I am

there goes my pain
there goes my chains
did you see them falling
because this feeling
that has no meaning

there goes the world
off of my shoulders
there goes the world
off of my back
you can't change me
you can't break me

there goes the world
off of my shoulders
there goes the world
off of my back

have you ever felt
like your only comfort was your cage
you're not alone
I've felt the same as you
have you ever felt
like your secrets give you away
you're not alone
I've been there too
cause everyone is looking
and everyone is laughing but I think
everyone feels the same
everybody wants to feel ok
everybody wants to
everybody wants to feel

there goes my pain
there goes my chains
did you see them falling
because this feeling
that has no meaning

there goes the world
off of my shoulders
there goes the world
off of my back
cause I don't want it
I don't want it
you can't change me
you can't break me

there goes the world
off of my shoulders
there goes the world
off of my back
there it goes"

- "Quasimodo" by Lifehouse

Quasimodo: I rarely list the lyrics to a full song, because normally it is only a line or two that catches my ear, grabs my attention, and makes me nod and say "yes, that is me today."  But when "Quasimodo" came on my iPod this morning, I nearly tripped on the treadmill as I was reminded of why I like the song to begin with...and why it truly speaks to me, of me, about me.  Read the lyrics closely and then think about the title of the song - then you'll get it.

Adding Another One to the List: I have a short (but getting longer) list of holidays that I absolutely loathe!  At the top of my list?  Valentine's Day.  Never liked it, likely never will.  Christmas is a close second, mostly because of how commercialized it has become.  No one even remembers what it should be about any more.  And now I'm adding Halloween.  When did it become about debauchery?  What's up with the skimpy outfits for teens and pre-teens?  And the cost of costumes and candy?  Halloween is supposed to be for kids and I'm beginning to think that there are too many adults taking this holiday over.  Maybe I'm just jealous because I had to stop trick or treating when I was nine because of my height.

So Shaky: I think its the new medicine but I've been so shaky (internally) these last few days.  It feels like I have shock waves pulsing through my legs and arms and I just know that my heart is going to start beating right out of my chest.  Luckily no one else can see the trembling (yet) and my heart isn't actually racing so I know its all in my head.  Now I just need to get it out of my head!