Day 307: 7/14/12 - "Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You)"

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger

Stand a little taller

Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone..."

-"Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You)" by Kelly Clarkson

Shopping!  Though money is tight, I was sorely in need of a few items, so today a couple of my friends joined me in hitting the outlet malls in San Marcos.  It was so hot that we mostly wanted to stay in the stores, but we had to move the car a couple of times because there are two distinct outlet locations in San Marcos.  Overall it was a good day - and I got some running shorts, running shoes, and a couple of shirts.  My friends found some clothing as well.

Overwhelmed: It's funny how even when things are going according to some sort of plan, you can still start to feel a little overwhelmed.  That's how I am feeling right now - there is so much going on, and though most things are working out - there are still a couple of pieces left to fall into place - if any of them fall through, there could be some tough times ahead!

Day 259: 5/27/2012 - "Don't Blink"

"Don't blink
Just like that you're six years old and you take a nap...
Don't blink...
Trust me friend a hundred years goes faster then you think
So Don't blink

Naw, don't blink
Life Goes Faster Than You Think..."

Waiting Game: I've noticed that I spend most of my time waiting on things.  Some things I wait on with no problem - it's the way life is.  Other things make me impatient and I don't want to wait on them.  I wait on people to make moves in my Words with Friends games.  I hate it when I start a new game with a random opponent and they don't make the first move for hours!  Why did you put out a request for a game if you didn't want to play?  Today I've spent most of the day waiting for pain to go away.  It has eased enough to breath normally, but its not gone completely.  Waiting for something like that is probably the worst type of waiting.  You try to think about something else, wonder if there is anything else you can do to make the pain recede faster.  But all you can do is wait.  What will I find myself waiting for tomorrow?  The next day?  I have no doubt that I'll be waiting for something...

Hookers 'R Us: When did shopping for dresses on Amazon become an exercise in weeding out the streetwalker dresses?  I did a simple search for dresses in my size and then sorted by lowest price first, and what do I get?  Every skin tight, mini, off-shoulder, cheap looking, dress that has been made in the past year (and a few I think were made in the '80's!).  I think I'll stick to Macy's and Kohl's from now on for my dresses - I don't think I can stomach wading through the crap that Amazon sells as dresses anymore.  Oh, and did I mention that most of these dresses are being marketed to juniors?  Teenage girls should not be wearing these dresses!

Day 240: 5/8/12 - "New Soul"

"I'm a new soul
I came to this strange world
Hoping I could learn a bit 'bout how to give and take
But since I came here, felt the joy and the fear
Finding myself making every possible mistake"

-"Yael Naim"

Bait: I dangled some bait today for someone and now I'll sit back and watch and wait to see if they take it.  Why am I setting bait?  Because someone is passing along information that they should be keeping to themselves and I need to know who it is.  Being careful and not talking to anyone is not the best way for me to respond, since I need to keep and build relationships.  But I do need to know whom I should be wary of since their actions will impact my ability to do my job.  It will also show me if I need to avoid this person outright - if they are uncaring enough to set me up to fail, then I need to make sure I don't give them the opportunity or the satisfaction.  Fingers crossed that they don't take the bait - I'd rather be wrong about this one.

Clothing Sizing: Usually I have issues with clothing being too small for me.  I ordered a new suit from Long Tall Sally and their size 14 fits like a 16!  Now, I could sit here and say, "I could have lost some serious weight!" but I know for a fact that my other clothes in 14 fit just fine.  I hate that I have to pay to send it back but no reason to keep a suit you can't wear.  The pants didn't even come with belt loops so I couldn't even try to wear them.  They were nice and long though (which I loved!).  But at least I now realize why the suit jacket didn't look quite right - it was a little too big around the ribcage (go figure!).  No time to reorder so I'm going to just return it and work with the other suit that I have.  Not preferred but it fits well enough!

Good Karma: One of my coworkers has some seriously good karma coming her way.  I was mentioning how I needed to go to the store to pick up a new decorating tip for the cake I'll be making and she gave me her $10.00 off coupon for Sur La Table!  I couldn't believe it!  I was able to get two tips, a set of cupcake liners, and a cupcake corer (something I've wanted for a while) and it only cost me $2.  How will I repay her?  Of course she'll get some cupcakes, but I'll also give her my $10 coupon when it shows up - it's only fair!

Day 238: 5/6/12 - "All I Really Want"

"Do I stress you out
My sweater is on backwards and inside out
And you say how appropriate...

And all I really want is some patience
A way to calm the angry voice...

What I wouldn't give to find a soulmate
Someone else to catch this drift
And what I wouldn't give to meet a kindred..."

-"All I Really Want" by Alanis Morissette

New Shoes: I always worry when I buy new shoes online because I never know if they are going to fit or not.  I got lucky this time with a pair of navy blue mary jane's from Long Tall Sally.  I love the style and the heel isn't too high for me to walk in for a while.  It also has a nice double band instead of single across the foot.  I just need to find something to wear them with so that I can break them in!  I'll also trust Long Tall Sally in the future for size at least because of this purchase.  What I didn't like was the fact that the right shoe was scuffed!  It's only on the inside but you could clearly tell that the right shoe was either worn or was likely the display shoe.  Since the scuff is on the inside (instep) I won't bother sending them back because it would take too long to replace them (if I even could since they tend to have limited shoes in my size).  Now I just have to wait for the suit I ordered to show up.  Not sure why they didn't arrive together but I'll call the company tomorrow if I don't see something.

Day 229: 4/27/12 - "What Do You Want From Me Now"

"You say, "What do you want from me now?"

Burn all your candles, turn out the light

What do you want from me now?

Forget the feeling that you've been feeling

Deep inside of me, we'll be alright..."

-"What Do You Want From Me Now" by Hootie & the Blowfish

Big Feet = Bad Shopping Experience: I hated shopping for shoes when I was a kid because my feet were so big.  But I now realize how much easier it was for me then because I really only needed three pairs of shoes: 1 pair of tennis shoes, one pair of flats, and a pair of cleats for softball.  Now I need heels and flats, different colors, boots, sandals.  I went to two stores tonight hoping to find some shoes and came up not only empty, but extremely disappointed.  I hit DSW and how annoying is it to have to walk around the store looking for a bright green sticker on a box that says "12" rather than just looking for the shoes you want.  I don't bother to look at the shoes because I don't want to get my hopes up, see a pair I just love, only to find out that not only do they not carry a size 12, they don't even make them in that size.  I finally gave up and went over to Nordstrom's Rack, thinking it had to be better since I know they have my size.  I found nothing in the style I wanted, though lots of shoes with 4 to 5 inch heels!  I don't even need a 1 inch heel, let alone 5 inches!  And even the flats, though there were a few nice looking ones, all were still way too much money.  I left feeling like a freak as usual, and realizing that cute shoes are just not in the cards for me.

Sorry For Being So Annoying: I feel the need to apologize to a lot of people for being so annoying.  I realize this about myself but I don't often realize I'm being annoying until after the fact.  Today I was annoying and I always tell myself afterwards to just shut up, don't say anything.  But I haven't figured out how to do that just yet.  I do know that I talk too much and that I'm fairly boring.  I talk a lot when I'm nervous or upset, so lately I've been talking a little too much.  Please feel free to tell me to shut up when I start getting annoying - true friends will.

Day 201: 3/30/12 - "Do What You Have to Do"

"What ravages of spirit

Conjured this temptuous rage

Created you a monster...

Deep within I'm shaken by the violence

Of existing for only you

I know I can't be with you

I do what I have to do...

And I have sense to recognize but

I don't know how to let you go..."

- "Do What You Have to Do" by Sarah McLachlan

My Something New: I forgot to label my something new from last week, but since I posted about my trip to Houston, I pretty much covered it.  My something new from this week was a visit to La Cantera for some window shopping and (I thought) some food.  But I forgot that it was Friday night and all of the main eateries were packed.  So I stopped at Paciugo and had some black cherry gelato (very good).  I then headed back home but decided to stop at Pasha for dinner (near my apartment).  Again, the Friday night bug got me and when I realized it was truly a sit-down place, I decided to just hit HEB and get one of their meals.  Along the way I swung by the liquor store and picked up some rum (I have this idea for a strawberry daquiri cupcake and I need the rum for that...so don't think I've gone over the dark side and started drinking!).  Unfortunately, I hit HEB too late and they had already packed things up.  I ended up with pre-made sushi rolls, hummus and pita chips, and sweet potato waffle fries.  Definitely not the healthiest meal but I got a nice mixture of things that I like.

I Hate My Big Feet: I need new work shoes and I have an idea of what I want (I'm very picky and I have a bad ankle so I need comfort as well).  I went to the Clark's store and they only had 3 pair for me to even try on.  I don't like buying shoes online because I can't try them on first (some size 12's wear much smaller!).  After an unsuccessful trip to Clark's I went to Dillard's and I couldn't even get any help (I was not happy about being ignored!).  I then tried Macy's and again, no service offered.  I'm beyond pissed about the continued mistreatment I often get at upscale stores.  I get ignored because I don't "look" the part.  But back to my rant about shoes.  Why does it have to be so hard for companies to realize that there are a lot of women who have larger feet.  One store had 10 boxes of size 9's and no other sizes.  So either they bought too many in that size or there aren't enough women with that shoe size in San Antonio.  I hate that I have big feet - I know I need them to be big enough to balance me, but come on!  Big hands, too tall, and cursed with big feet!  I think I got enough crap dumped on me to not deserve to never be able to get shoes!