Day 293: 6/30/12 - "Bully"

"It’s 8 A.M.
This hell I’m in
Seems I’ve crossed the line again
For being nothing more than who I am"

-"Bully" by Shinedown

One More Day In Paradise: It's sad to think I'll be heading back home tomorrow after what has felt like too short of a time here with my friend.  I can admit that its been like living in an alternate reality where I could do what I wanted to do and not get into trouble for slacking.  Tomorrow I hop on a plane and return to what is my so-called life.  I'll say goodbye to a good friend who has helped me to have at least a few days of peace (if not quiet with my three favorite pups!).  I'll see how quickly I bounce back from traveling since I have to be at work bright and early.  Wish me luck!

Baking Extravaganza: Just wanted to make sure I posted some pics of all the things I've been cooking while at my friend's house.  Here it is for your drooling pleasure!

Day 206: 4/4/12 - "Sign on the Door"

"And her eyes are screaming
And her lips are pursed
And this ain't her first heartache
But it feels like, it feels like the worst
And she says
Can someone tell me how this can happen
And I guess that God only knows
My heart used to be
The sweet shop of love
But now the sign on the door
It says sorry we're closed
And I hear myself tell her
Some old words I know they won't help
And then I feel guilty
'Cause I closed some sweet shops myself
And we all talk about timing
And lifestyles and such
But to a heart that's been shattered
Those words don't mean that much"

-"Sign on the Door" by Edwin McCain

How Odd: I think that my chocolate and vanilla cupcakes baked up in the shape of countries, continents and states!  I swear I see New Jersey, Africa, Australia, and the US!  Okay, it's just my imagination, but it was fun to see!  I made a batch of 48 cupcakes that include chocolate, chocolate vanilla, vanilla, and chocolate banana.  I'm waiting on the frosting to cool down a bit before I apply it.  I'm baking because one of my staff member's last days is tomorrow and he likes chocolate, so chocolate cupcakes it is!  I'm hoping the cupcakes all came out okay - I only ate one of them to test, but they all smell good and look good.  Check out the pic!

Sunny Florida?   I think I'm going to take a trip down to Miami for my vacation this year.  I'll go sometime in May, probably after the semester is over but before the summer orientations start.  I won't stay long - I can't afford a long trip, but I've definitely earned some time away!  Hopefully I can get through the next month successfully and then I'll also have to make sure I'm able to afford time down there and still make it to Anaheim in June (what a pain that rip is going to be!)  No matter what, I need to see the sights, catch a ball game, and have some fun!

Day 192: 3/21/12 - "How Do You Get That Lonely"

"How do you get that lonely,

how do you hurt that bad

To make you make the call

That havin' no life at all is better than the life you had

How do you feel so empty, you want to let it all go

How do you get that lonely and nobody knows..."

-"How Do You Get That Lonely" by Blaine Larsen

So True...So Scary: This song struck a cord with me on a number of levels.  It also frightened me because it is easy to get lonely.  Though I know I'll never get to the point that this story talks about, the loneliness, the hurt, the empty feeling...all that is very real in my life.  The level changes, sometimes on a daily basis, but it is always there.  I'm glad I have another part of me that is strong enough to get me through those times, but I realize that others do not.  I truly don't understand when people make the choice they do, but I do understand what leads to that choice.  I wish everyone health and clarity...

My Mini-Vacation: I'm off to Houston in two days to see some friends.  One side of me is really excited about the prospect.  The other side of me is so tired that she doesn't want to even think about going anywhere, especially anywhere that requires a 3 hour drive!  But I need this time and I need to learn to take time for myself and to spend time with friends.  I'll have to figure out how I'll pay for the trip in the long run, but I'll manage.  I have to stop begrudging myself, time for me.  Why do I make it so hard on myself?

Day 170: 2/28/12 - "Heaven"

"Maybe I should take my time

And build this life by my own design

With no direction and it's in between

Everything I love and everything I need"

-"Heaven" by O.A.R.

Real Conversations: It's funny how you sometimes get to have conversations with someone that are a bit unexpected but turn out to be one of the best conversations you could have had - especially at that particular time.  That's what happened to me today and though I didn't learn anything new, it was good to get a chance to have someone validate my own thoughts and plans.  It was also painful for me to recount some things that bothered me when they happened but I now realize I had absorbed them and they were festering in me.  This is what leads to increased stress, which is not good for me emotionally or physically.  I now have both feet planted on the ground and pointed in the right direction.  I also have a plan....

Small Victories: Today I accomplished something so small, so insignificant, that no one else would really care or understand.  But to me, it was a victory, albeit a small one.  I can't go into great detail, but suffice it to say that I won the stare down; held my breath the longest; blinked last...you get my drift.  I won!

Planning a Trip: I'm going to plan a trip for myself.  I need to take a vacation - I need to get away.  I need to go and do something fun and completely out of character for me!  I don't know what this is just yet, but I'll figure it out soon.  I also know that no matter what I do, I won't feel guilty about it...won't second guess myself...and won't mope around my hotel room...and won't forget why I'm there to begin with.

Day 155: 2/13/12 - "Hello"

"Hello, I am your mind giving you someone to talk to...
If I smile and don't believe
Soon I know I'll wake from this dream
Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken..."

"Hello" by Evanescence

Sucky Mondays: There are some days you just don't want to get out of bed, and today was one of those days.  I don't know if it was just me, but others were dragging too.  Of course, they were likely tired from having lots of fun on the weekend.  Me, I was just tired because I was awake.  I've also realized that Monday's are my "get nothing done" days.  I tend to be on the desk or IM for most of the day which just puts a kink in any plans I have for working on anything at my computer.  I even did 3 hours straight at the desk today (which was great for helping students, but terrible for getting anything done).  Oh well, tomorrow is another day.

Vacation Planning: I've decided that I need to take a vacation, despite the fact that I have no extra money and that I'd have to go by myself.  I just have to decide where I want to go.  Right now my list looks like this:

• Vegas - never been there and I've always wanted to go.
• Miami - never been and it should be warm.
• Denver/Vale/Aspen - skiing!
• Arizona - Cactus League Baseball!

Not sure if I can afford any of them but I'm going to check into!

I Hate Valentine's Day!  Who says the Grinch only shows up during Christmas?  I truly despise Valentine's Day so I made cookies to take to work.  Now, I know what you are thinking - if I hate Valentine's Day, why would I make heart-shaped cookies for my co-workers?  So that I can make sure that everyone gets something for that holiday.  Me, I get a couple of cards each year which is enough.  But right now V-Day is definitely at the top of my list of most hated holidays.