Day 272: 6/9/12 - "Take Me Out To The Ball Game"

"Take me out to the ball game

Take me out with the crowds

Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack

I don't care if I never get back

For it root, root, root for the home team

If they don't win its a shame

For its one, two, three strikes your out

At the old, ball game"

Even the Minors Are Fun: I hit the Missions game with my co-worker last night and really had a nice time, despite the mugginess that we had to sit through.  A smaller ball park is often a lot of fun to experience - and we were able to get two seats behind home plate in the 2nd level (which in a small park is pretty close).  The Missions are a San Diego affiliate so luckily I have a Padres hat I was able to wear to the game (though there, you see a lot of Rangers' hats and almost every other major league team).  There were a few Missions fans too - and you could tell they were people who love their Missions.  They had 3 different mascots running around, and in the San Antonio heat I hope they receive hazard pay.  They have a jalapeno, a puffy taco, and a Church's chicken.  It's always fun to see these characters interact with the crowd, especially the kids, and there were a lot of kids there.  A number of little league baseball and softball teams came as a group.  I enjoyed some nachos and split a funnel cake with my colleague - which, though not healthy was definitely worth having.  We got a nice fireworks show at the end and the Missions won.  I'd like to go back some time, it was an affordable baseball outing (around $25 for ticket, parking, and food), which when compared to a major league game is about 1/4 the cost.

Day 258: 5/26/12 - "Where I Stood"

"I don't know what I've done

Or if I like what I've begun

But something told me to run

And honey, you know me, it's all or none..."

-"Where I Stood" by Missy Higgins"

Done Asking Why: I used to ask myself "why me?" whenever bad things happened to me, but I'm done with asking that question.  There is no rhyme or reason for why things (both good and bad) happen to people.  They just do.  I'm not talking about the things we have control over.  I've gotten my life to the point where I am in control of the things that I can possibly control. Everything else I just have to deal with as it occurs.  Today the pain was so bad that I finally caved and put in a request for a doctor's appointment for the following week.  I kept hoping it was a temporary issue and that I could change something (my diet, my water intake, something) to make it better or at least tolerable.  But today proved that this is one of those things outside of my control. A cursory look online gave me the possible answer, one I suspected but was hoping would not be the cause.  I don't want to think about the possible implications of this issue - the future of continued pain, the possibility of surgery, the final nail in the coffin of one of my dreams.  All of those things are now partially outside of my control, and don't like that.  I won't ask why - there is no satisfactory answer anyway....

Best...Dream...Ever!!!  I felt so bad today I almost forgot to post about the dreams I woke up from this morning (before the pain started and the day went from good to crap in 0.005 seconds).  I dreamt I was "drafted" by the Texas Rangers and allowed to actually play in a game!  I was in uniform, warmed up with the other players, got a base hit (though the dream did not include the experience of being in the batter's box...just being on first base), and got to play left field.  Throughout the dream I kept thinking "this has to be a joke.  No way I get to play with the Rangers!"  And then I was thinking that this had to be a one day deal and that they would change their minds and I'd be booted soon.  I woke up from the dream with a smile on my face and a headache.  I decided to go back to sleep, figuring it was Saturday and I deserved to sleep in.  I was sad though, because I had not wanted the dream to end.  Strangeness of all that is strange - the dream continued.  It was the next day and I was sitting in Ron Washington's office.  He was chastising me for being late and for not being in my "practice gear."  I explained that I had thought yesterday was a joke and that I wasn't really part of the team and he laughed at me and set down a couple of piles of Rangers gear (tshirts and shorts) and told me to get changed for pre-game.  Just as I was about to change the room switched and instead of an office we were in a large conference room.  The gear that Ron had given me was still there and he was looking at me expectantly, but the rest of the team had come into the room.  I think they expected me to balk at changing in front of them, but I just shrugged, stripped, and put on my new Rangers tshirt and shorts.  I remember thinking how shocked the guys looked, but how I had earned their respect by acting like just one of the guys.  What a strange (crazy, weird, but also exciting!) dream.  Too bad when I woke up the second time I had a serious case of the shakes and was in pretty bad pain.  Oh well, I'll cling to my short-lived stint as a major league baseball player - even if only in my dreams...

Day 113: 1/2/12 - "That I Would Be Good"

"that I would be good even if I did nothing
that I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
that I would be good if I got and stayed sick
that I would be good even if I gained ten pounds"

-"That I Would Be Good" by Alanis Morissette

What's So Happy About It?  I've always wondered about this idea that a simple change in the date, the flip of a calendar could be enough to make people believe that they can truly just start over.  Why do we feel that we have to wait for that date to come and go?  Why do we feel the need to make New Year's resolutions?  In my personal opinion, if you wait until the New Year to make a resolution, then you've already failed.  If something is important enough to do, then  you should do it right away and not wait for some arbitrary date to make a change.  There is nothing happier about this "new year" for me than the "old year" I just came out of.  I did not get happier in the last two days just because the calendar now tells me that it is 2012.  What I got was the same thing I had and it was no different than what I had a week ago, a month ago, or even a year ago...nothing.

Something to Brighten My Day: Even when I'm all doom and gloom, some things can still brighten my day.  Someone happily wearing a hat that I knit?  That makes me happy!  

This is the daughter of one of my colleagues.  I was in my hat knitting mood and she let me know that her girls liked pink and brown, so I decided to create a slightly over-sized striped hat for her oldest daughter and a similar one for her youngest daughter.  Her oldest daughter apparently loves her new hat and hopefully I made it big enough that she can wear it for quite some time.  See?  I can still have my day brightened!

Public Embarrassment: For those who know how much of a baseball fan I am, you won't be surprised to learn that I am applying to live in the MLB Fan Cave this season.  As part of the application process, I have to create a video and I decided to create two songs (one to the tune of Take Me Out to the Ball Game) to show how I can be entertaining.  I seriously doubt that I will get selected but at least I'm trying for something that I really want (and not just randomly entering a contest based on luck). I'll have to post my video online and I'll eventually invite my friends to look (and make fun of me!), but that is just part of the process.  Wish me luck - it could be a life changing experience!

Day 46: 10/27/11 - "I Dare You to Move"

"I dare you to move

I dare you to move

I dare you to life yourself up off the floor

I dare you to move

I dare you to move

Like today never happened before"

- "I Dare You to Move" by Switchfoot

Sneak Peak: I'm making headway into my next knitting project.  Here is a sneak peak at the baby blanket I'm making for a friend who is due soon!  I hope I can finish it and get it to her before the baby arrives, but if not, I'm sure she will still find much use for it even after the baby is born.  This is also a good way to time how long it takes for me to make this particular blanket since I'm planning to make it at least 1 more time for another friend who is due in late November.  Too many babies, too little time!

Surprise Text Present: My brother sent me a picture through text today and at first I almost didn't look at it.  Sometimes he sends me silly things (not that I don't need a laugh) and I wasn't in the mood for it today.  But I decided to look and it was a picture of my youngest nephew!  I haven't seen him in 2 years since Christmas and I've been wondering how he was and what he looked like now.  My brother took a picture of him while he was sleeping (so angelic!) and sent it to my mom and me.  He says that he is back in Decherd so I hope it means he'll get to see him more.  I keep telling my brother that it is never too late.

World Series: So I'm watching what I hope will be the last game of this year's World Series.  Texas is up by 3 in the 7th inning and though nothing is ever written in stone, this team just seems like it is right on target to take it all.  I'm glad since I've become attached to them.  I guess it's okay to have an American League team since the odds of them playing my Cubs is slim to none.

Day 10: 9/21/11 - "Long Way Down"

"Long way down, I don't think I'll make it on my own
Long way down, I don't want to live in here alone
Long way down, I don't think I'll make it on my own"

- "Long Way Down" by the Goo Goo Dolls

Crying in Your Dreams: Yesterday I noted that I woke up angry and I didn't know why. Today I woke up sad and crying...and I don't know why. It makes me feel like I'm leading some other life while I sleep. I know I'm waking up sore and tired most mornings as well - and though I know this is likely due to my increased exercising, it makes me wonder what I'm doing in my dreams? I know I only remember parts of my dreams and that hopefully I'm actually dreaming more than I'm remembering (because then I'd be truly "asleep"). Last night, the only dream I remember was hanging out with the Bryan brothers. For those who don't know them, these are the twins who play professional tennis - usually very well. For some reason I was handing one of them, Bob I think it was, his racquet and encouraging him on the court. What is that about?!?!

From Sad to Angry: Of course, when I wake up sad I often wind up going straight to being mad because I'm so confused about feeling sad before the day even starts. I'd at least like the opportunity to face the day with good humor. Instead, I wake up with a giant black cloud hanging over my head. And this makes me angry. This played out the usual way in the fitness center as I angrily swatted at mosquitoes who seemed hell-bent on trying to bite me. I didn't even get one but the satisfaction of trying to kill one seemed to help me lower my anger threshold. Of course, I then got sad and down again because not only did I not kill the mosquito, but I couldn't even run my two miles. I left the fitness center feeling like a failure...

So You Don't Get Surprised: Most of the time I prefer knowing about something that others consider to be "big surprises" before they happen. I don't like surprises. I can't control surprises. But people insist on doing things that surprise me. The irony of the phone call I got today? What they were telling me really wasn't a surprise and I honestly didn't care...not one bit. There was also other "surprising" news today, but I've given up on seeing anything that happens as a surprise. I haven't lost my distaste for surprises. I've just increased my "really don't care" threshold.

Yankees, Red Sox, Rays, and Rangers: I'm not an American League baby (I grew up with the Cubs), but I'm seriously astounded by the collapse of the Boston Red Sox. If it weren't for the Yankees saving their butts (yes, I just typed that), by beating the Rays, they Red Sox would not be leading the wild-card. Even with that said, the Angels are trying to close on the Rangers, and while the Rangers have held them off, the Angels have snuck up on the Red Sox! Why do I find this surprising? These are professional athletes and managers who have been in this position before. Some of the choices I see them making with lineups, pitchers, etc. are nothing short of...weird. Conspiracy? I won't go that far, but it definitely feels like some teams want to win and others are just out their playing at the game. Good luck to the Rays - I hope they catch the Sox, but watch out for those Angels - they aren't done yet!

Mystery Injuries: I've noticed that I have bruises that I don't know how I got and now my back is hurting and I don't remember doing anything to hurt it. I think I need to keep an eye on these things to see if I can find out what is going on and whether I need to tell my doctor. Hoping I've just been clumsier than usual and things will clear up soon.