Day 10: 9/21/11 - "Long Way Down"

"Long way down, I don't think I'll make it on my own
Long way down, I don't want to live in here alone
Long way down, I don't think I'll make it on my own"

- "Long Way Down" by the Goo Goo Dolls

Crying in Your Dreams: Yesterday I noted that I woke up angry and I didn't know why. Today I woke up sad and crying...and I don't know why. It makes me feel like I'm leading some other life while I sleep. I know I'm waking up sore and tired most mornings as well - and though I know this is likely due to my increased exercising, it makes me wonder what I'm doing in my dreams? I know I only remember parts of my dreams and that hopefully I'm actually dreaming more than I'm remembering (because then I'd be truly "asleep"). Last night, the only dream I remember was hanging out with the Bryan brothers. For those who don't know them, these are the twins who play professional tennis - usually very well. For some reason I was handing one of them, Bob I think it was, his racquet and encouraging him on the court. What is that about?!?!

From Sad to Angry: Of course, when I wake up sad I often wind up going straight to being mad because I'm so confused about feeling sad before the day even starts. I'd at least like the opportunity to face the day with good humor. Instead, I wake up with a giant black cloud hanging over my head. And this makes me angry. This played out the usual way in the fitness center as I angrily swatted at mosquitoes who seemed hell-bent on trying to bite me. I didn't even get one but the satisfaction of trying to kill one seemed to help me lower my anger threshold. Of course, I then got sad and down again because not only did I not kill the mosquito, but I couldn't even run my two miles. I left the fitness center feeling like a failure...

So You Don't Get Surprised: Most of the time I prefer knowing about something that others consider to be "big surprises" before they happen. I don't like surprises. I can't control surprises. But people insist on doing things that surprise me. The irony of the phone call I got today? What they were telling me really wasn't a surprise and I honestly didn't care...not one bit. There was also other "surprising" news today, but I've given up on seeing anything that happens as a surprise. I haven't lost my distaste for surprises. I've just increased my "really don't care" threshold.

Yankees, Red Sox, Rays, and Rangers: I'm not an American League baby (I grew up with the Cubs), but I'm seriously astounded by the collapse of the Boston Red Sox. If it weren't for the Yankees saving their butts (yes, I just typed that), by beating the Rays, they Red Sox would not be leading the wild-card. Even with that said, the Angels are trying to close on the Rangers, and while the Rangers have held them off, the Angels have snuck up on the Red Sox! Why do I find this surprising? These are professional athletes and managers who have been in this position before. Some of the choices I see them making with lineups, pitchers, etc. are nothing short of...weird. Conspiracy? I won't go that far, but it definitely feels like some teams want to win and others are just out their playing at the game. Good luck to the Rays - I hope they catch the Sox, but watch out for those Angels - they aren't done yet!

Mystery Injuries: I've noticed that I have bruises that I don't know how I got and now my back is hurting and I don't remember doing anything to hurt it. I think I need to keep an eye on these things to see if I can find out what is going on and whether I need to tell my doctor. Hoping I've just been clumsier than usual and things will clear up soon.