Day 1: 9/12/2011 - Why My Birthday Means It's Time For a Change

So already I'm breaking my own "resolution" to post to this blog every day for a year. I'll do two posts today, to make up for the lack of a post on my official "1st" day.

So yesterday was my birthday, and though I normally don't bother to truly celebrate (sometimes friends will drag me out), I realized yesterday that this is the 2nd birthday that I'm truly spending alone. The other one doesn't count because I was driving up to Seattle to start school and I really had no choice...it was also the day after 9/11. Needless to say, I was hit hard by this fact and was nearly swamped by overwhelming feelings of isolation, desolation, and just plain old sadness.

Now, I can try to blame a number of things for these feelings:

1. I was exactly 1 month removed from major surgery.
2. This surgery left me with the need to take medication for the rest of my life and my body is just not used to the medication yet.
3. I'm stressed from work.
4. I miss my family.

I could go on, but I think you get the point. With all of that said, what I realized is that I truly just have too much weighing on my mind right now.

What to Do, What to Do? I have no easy solution for myself to pull myself up and out of the dumps. Used to be I could just go for a run, and bam! the endorphines would kick in. But, still recovering from surgery and dealing with a bum knee and ankle, that's just not an option any more. I honestly don't know what to do, but I can say that I know I need to get some of this off of my chest. So, for the first time in over 20 years, I'm going to try journaling. But why am I using a public blog to do this? Not sure, call it my cry for help. Call it my need to have others understand. Or, just call it a convenient way for me to vent. What I do know is that I'll not always be venting, or crying, or sad. Some days I hope to be hopeful, and happy, and also posting fun things (including recipes!).

Plus, who's reading this anyway?

I think this is long enough for the first official post. Might as well close it fully:

"Happy Birthday to Me, Happy Birthday to Me, Happy Birthday Dear Kawanna, Happy Birthday to Me."