Day 13: 9/24/11 - "Breakeven"

"I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a God that I don't believe in..."

- "Breakeven" by The Script

Failure: It's funny how some days I feel like an absolute failure no matter what I do. After working a 12 hour day yesterday, you'd think I would sleep well and wake up refreshed today. Instead, I slept for an hour, woke up startled, struggled to go back to sleep, woke up again coughing and feeling stuffed up, and finally rolled over at 9:30 - an hour later than I normally get up on Saturday. Then I hit the gym and couldn't even run my 5k like I planned to. I'm starting to feel that I'll never be able to run a 5k normally again - and this saddens me. I finished my work out and got back home but when I made my pancakes I didn't bother to smell the milk and poured it right into the mixture. Then noticed the rank smell that was now coming out of my food. I had to dump all of the milk down the drain, but luckily the sour milk smell baked out of the pancakes. The day only went downhill mood-wise from there when I realized that my Dad's birthday is on Monday and I forgot to buy and mail his card so that it would arrive on his birthday. Some daughter I am. The one thing I did accomplish today? I cleaned up the files on my laptop, because fro some dumb ass reason that was the only thing I wanted to do.

Panic - Anxiety - Same Difference? Are panic attacks and anxiety attacks the same thing? I'm trying to figure this out because I nearly had one today and I'm sure it would have been a full-blown anxiety attack. I've had similar things happen to me in the past and I usually struggle to get my heart rate and breathing back to normal. I wonder if one day I'll have to go to a doctor for these because I suspect they could become incapacitating if not controlled.

Oklahoma Wins Again: I didn't get any real joy out of the win as I usually do. I'm starting to lose my zealousness when it comes to my Sooners, which is sad. I liked being one of those nutty fans who lived and died with her team. Now I just shrug when they do something wrong and think, "oh well." What happened to that girl would you curse and cry and yell at the TV? I'm starting to miss her and wonder if I'm losing even more of myself than I first thought.