Day 11: 9/22/11 - "A Murder of One"

"All your life is such a shame, shame, shame.

All your love is just a dream, dream dream.
Open up your eyes, you can see the flames, flames, flames.
Of a wasted life, you should be ashamed..."

- "A Murder of One" by Counting Crows

Is Trail Mix Comfort Food? I've been doing my usual refusal to make anything for dinner this week (too tired!). Yesterday I had a peanut butter, banana and chocolate chip sandwich for dinner and a bowl of cereal. Today, I had a chicken and cheese wrap and some tortilla chips. But of course I was still hungry later and I wanted comfort food...which was nowhere to be found in my house. But I did have some sweet and some tangy things in the house, so I was able to throw together a quick bowl of trail mix. I basically combined some Special K low fat granola, some cherried cranberries, some roasted sunflower seeds, and some chocolate chips in a bowl and ate it. Nothing drastic but it was pretty good and filled me up the way trail mix usually does. Doubt it was the healthiest thing I've ever put together but I know its not the most unhealthiest.

College Athletic Conference - Big Business: I've been listening to the ESPN commentators talk about the realignments in college football (for someone who grew up in the SEC and went to school in the Big XII and the Pac-10, it's been downright crazy), and I've been really surprised at the lack of foresight by many in these conferences. Talk of jealousy and in-fighting is being thrown out there as the reason for the craziness but I think its more than even that. I truly do think its about money and we all know what money can do to any discussion. At least these conversations help us ignore the real issues that are going on with college athletics...at least for now.

Insincerity: I don't know what to say to people when they apologize to me for something and I know they truly don't mean it. If you knew it was going to upset me or hurt me, then why did you do it in the first place? This is not something new that has occurred in my life - seems to be an old refrain. I'll hopefully never learn to be this way with others - I find I don't like the people who act this way and I already don't like myself, so why make it worse? I'll recover though hell is ahead...

Oh Well: This has become my response to everything, whether it is good or bad. Makes me wonder if I'm losing my kind heart. I used to consider myself to be a genuinely kind person (with a bit of a selfish streak as well). Now I think I'm just going through the motions. I hope I don't turn into one of those people who ignores the suffering of others when I could help...I really hope that doesn't happen.