Day 7: 9/18/11 - "Reflection"

"Must I pretend that I'm
Someone else for all time.
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside...."

-"Reflection" by Christina Aguilera

One Week: Today means that I've officially made it one week since my birthday. I know this doesn't seem like a big deal, and I know that time hasn't slowed down or sped up in any way, but this week seemed to drag on forever, but once the weekend arrived, I felt as if I needed/wanted more time. To do what? Nothing actually, but that's not the point. What I'm noticing is that I find myself dragging no matter what day of the week it is. Today I tried to do some of the normal things I always do and I find myself tired only a few hours into the day. I'm wondering when this will all end.

Chili: Though fall is officially not here yet (and with this being Texas, there is a chance that fall won't arrive for a while) I decided to make chili today. Nothing special, just black beans, garbanzo beans, lentils, chicken breast, tomatoes, shredded zucchini, red onion thrown into a pot with some seasoning. It doesn't taste bad but it will taste better if I let it sit for a couple of days. So I'll wait until Wednesday to give it a real try.

Trying to Catch Up: I can honestly say that I've never felt this far behind in my work ever before. I find myself fighting moments of rising panic when my brain tries to remind me that I've got so many things to get done, all with deadlines. It happened on Friday morning when I was sitting in a meeting. I was sitting there taking notes and listening to my colleague when all of a sudden I felt my heart jump and speed up as the thought crossed my mind - "I really need to get back to work, I have so much to do!" This has been happening nearly every day now for the past 3 weeks. I shouldn't be surprised, but I do know that I cannot go on like this. I'm either going to have a nervous breakdown or I'm going to burn out (they aren't the same thing, in case you are wondering, though they may seem similar). I'll try to go back to the "one thing at a time" mentality tomorrow but it didn't seem to work last week, so not sure how useful it will be this week.

Talking to Friends: I had the chance to chat with a good friend today and was reminded again of how much I hate talking on the phone (not because of her - I actually do like talking to her!). There is something about being on the phone that just drives me crazy and I want to do anything else. It doesn't matter who I'm talking to - mom, dad, friend, bill collector - all I can do is think about what I'm not doing because I'm on the phone (like today, I was thinking about the cleaning, cooking, and grading that I needed to get done).

Stormy Weather: A thunderstorm rolled through tonight - they usually frighten me but since this one was bringing rain, so I didn't really pay as much attention to the rumbling and flashes of lightening as I usually do. Don't get me wrong, I noticed them, but I didn't get as jumpy as I usually do. Wonder what that is all about?