Day 71: 11/21/11 - "Second Chance"

"Tell my mother, tell my father

I've done the best I can

To make them realize, this is my life

I hope they understand..."

-"Second Chance" by Shinedown

Too Much: There's too much to do...too much to remembers...to much to think about...too much to apologize for...to much time lost that can't be reclaimed.  No wonder I don't know where to begin?  I'll have to try again tomorrow, though I already know that it will likely be a repeat of today.

Home? I head back to Tennessee in two days and I just realized that once again I'm not really going to a home.  I envy my friends who have family homes that they've known all of their lives and that they can return home to when they need to.  I return home only to the people, never sure where I'll lay my head or who will be upset by my choices.  I can only be glad its only for 3 days this time.  Normally that wouldn't be enough but this time around it is necessary.

Day 70: 11/20/11 - "Not Even the Trees"

"You see I'm tired of feeling this pain 

I'm tired of living my own little lie"

-"Not Even the Trees" by Hootie & The Blowfish

Just Not Right: No matter how well one day is, the next is not guaranteed to follow suit.  Today I've struggled with not feeling well from the start, including what I call restless leg, though I don't know if it is the same as the medically diagnosed issue with the same name.  All I do know is that it makes it difficult for me to sleep, and even more difficult for me to get comfortable when I'm sitting, standing, walking...moving in general.  And now I'm also suffering from indigestion, despite the Tums I just took.  The food at restaurants is too rich for me and I ate out tonight.  But I've noticed this happening more and more lately.  I'm worried I'm developing an ulcer.

Finished Blanket...Mostly: I've finished the baby blanket I was working on (mostly).  I now have to edge it and sew the ends in (which is going to take some time.  But overall it looks okay.  I'm not completely happy with the final design since I screwed it up - but no one will notice unless I tell them.  Pictures once it is done.

Day 69: 11/19/11 - "Renaissance Eyes"

"Are you alone

Renaissance eyes

I once had my family stolen from me

Renaissance eyes..."

-"Renaissance Eyes" by Hootie & The Blowfish

Failure Is An Option: Or, at least it has been for me today.  I couldn't finish my run - I had to walk the last 1/2 mile.  I couldn't finish my breakfast, it made me sick to my stomach.  I didn't go to the football game today, even though I had a free ticket.  Why?  I was in too much pain from my failed run and my stomach was upset.  What a waste...

That Doesn't Look Like the Picture: No matter how many ways I twisted and turned things, I could not get the blanket I made look like the picture that they put with the pattern.  I'm not sure what I did wrong but I like the variation that I wound up with.  I have to do the edging and sew the edges in, which can take quite some time, but at least it is done.  I don't think I'll do this pattern again.  The work of sewing it together at the end is just too much, especially with all of the cut ends.

What Gives Me Joy: Not much makes me happy these days, so I'm relishing those things that do.  Right now, The Sing Off is my guilty pleasure.  It makes me smile, makes me want to sing.  I'm cheering for Pentatonix - they are the small but mighty group.  I find them to be so original and creative, enough that I would actually buy a CD by them if they ever got to make one...and people who know me, know that I don't like spending money on anything like that.

And To Make a Bad Day Worse: The Sooners lost...

Day 68: 11/18/11 - "These Days"

"I wake up and tear drops they fall down like rain..."

-"These Days" by Rascal Flatts

To Go or Not: A friend gave me two tickets to the football game tomorrow.  It's UTSA's last one and I'm trying to decide if I want to go.  I originally turned her down because I knew I didn't have anyone to share the other ticket with and I didn't want to waste it, but she insisted that I should take it. I do want to go - it would be nice to see UTSA play a football game in this inaugural season.  But I'm already dreading the thought of trying to get downtown and the cost and the time.  Is it worth it?  Maybe I'll let the weather decide - if it is cold and rainy I'll stay put.  If it is nice, I'll go?

I Asked the Same Question!  I found it funny that someone asked me today why I was the one in charge of a new project. I laughed out loud and tried to explain to her what I felt the reasoning was.  But despite my explanation, we were both left shaking our head because it just didn't make sense.  I'm hoping I'm not the only one who realizes how ridiculous it is.  Don't they realize how much extra work it will take for me to get things together as one of the people least connected to the project?  Guess I'll just add it to the mounting pile of s*it I'm being asked to do.  Here's me, waiting for something to grow...

Day 67: 11/17/11 - "Man in the Box"

"I'm the dog who gets beat

Shove my nose in s*it

Won't you come and save me..."

-"Man in the Box" by Alice in Chairs

Vicarious Pride: Tonight I attend an awards dinner for students who wrote winning essays for their COR 1203 courses.  All instructors submitted their top two essays for consideration, so there were 102 essays submitted for review.  Out of this, there were only 3 winners.  One of the winners this year was my student!  I was so happy for him and very proud of him, but I think what made me the most proud was the way he received the honor.  You could see that he was humbled by it, as if he couldn't believe that he had won second place.  I know his parents are going to be ecstatic about his honor and I wish they could have been there.  I taped it as best I could from my digital camera and I'll make sure he has that to share with his parents.  I hope this launches him into even greater things!

None Done, So Many to Go: I've got so many things going on at once right now, and I'm not sure where to start, let alone sure how to finish!  I had to squeeze in a meeting tomorrow during my lunch hour since I didn't have any other open slots to work with.  I normally work through my lunch, but nothing too intense - it's usually when I clean up my e-mail.  Tomorrow I'll have to see if I can be productive and actually get something coherent put together during an hour long session where I have to try to eat at the same time.

What The ???  I've received two phone calls from staff members recently where I'm not sure why they needed my assistance.  I'm beginning to see that no matter how much training is provided, how much information is offered, there are some staff members who just won't be able to go that next step and extrapolate from previous experiences.  I was talking to my students about multiple-intelligences today and I think this is what I'm seeing as I work with my varied staff and, of course, the varied patrons!

And It Grows: I'm saddened but not surprised to see that more victims of the Sandusky scandal are coming forward.  All it takes is one person strong enough to weather the storm to provide shelter to others too scared to speak up previously.  Of course, now, it looks like Syracuse is going to get caught up in a similar scandal.  I wonder what the connection is to Penn State (in terms of the security that comes from having someone else step up and speak the truth).  Will this one also grow disproportionately based on the distance we get from the original announcement?  You can only hope that one day it will all. end.

Day 66: 11/16/11 - "Sorry"

"This time I think I'm to blame it's harder to get through the days
You get older and blame turns to shame"

-"Sorry" by Buckcherry

Long Day: Today was one of those days with a lot of questions and no real answers.  Needless to say, I'm still pondering those things and still trying to figure out what I need to do.  I also feel a little bit lost and not sure of myself (this is a bad feeling to have).


Hyperactive: I was a bit hyperactive today.  On one level it was a nice feeling to have, since I've been dragging daily.  On the other level, it is likely medicine induced and can be a bad sign (getting too much hormone).  I'll have to keep an eye on it because it can also lead to heart issues.  I already have a murmur - don't want to do anything to agitate things.

Day 65: 11/15/11 - "Trapped in a Box"

"Oh trapped in a box I'm not alone
I know of others with a box as their home
Light only enters from a crack or a hole
Oh this is not enough for a human to grow
Trapped in a box"

-"Trapped in a Box" by No Doubt

Just Ain't Right:  I can't figure this one out.  It makes absolutely no sense (and apparently comes from a brain fart of momentous size) but we're expected to not only understand it but to agree that it is the "right and best" idea.  And of course, even if we don't agree, it doesn't matter - it's going to happen.  What is the reason behind this?  Why does this make any kind of sense to anyone, let alone to the people in charge?  How come those who are working in the trenches, so to speak, aren't being listened to?  I think I need to write an expose, so I can be interviewed where I'm back-lit to protect my identity.  Let the suckiness begin...oh yeah, already started.

Why I Can't Get a Plant to Grow: I finally figured it out.  Plants won't grow for me because I'm creating a toxic atmosphere for them.  For those who know me, you know that I do have one plant that does grow (Eddie).  But Eddie is named after someone who had a partially toxic personality, so I think he thrives on the bad vibes I give off.  The other poor innocent plants can't survive against the poisons.  Oh well, guess I'll try to keep them alive but I won't feel too bad if they don't make it.  I'm absolving myself of all guilt for having a black thumb (brown isn't harsh enough).

Overwhelmed: I'm definitely at a stage of being overwhelmed right now.  Not sure where to start most days and I just try to get through with things as fast as I can.  Then I go home and work for a few more hours in an attempt to at least stay in visual distance to the goals I need to accomplish.  But I see myself falling farther and farther behind.  I know one day I'll be off of the radar and have no chance of even seeing, let alone touching the items I need to finish.