Day 313: 7/20/12 - "Time is Love"

"Time is love

Gotta run

I loved to hang longer

But I've got someone who waits

Waits for me..."

-"Time is Love" by Josh Turner 

It's Good to Get Out: A bunch of us went out to each lunch today, which was new for me since I've only gone out to each lunch around 6 or 7 times since I moved to San Antonio.  We went to a place called Malabar (though the door said Taste of India) and they have a really nice $5.99 deal that gets you a taste of three things and some naan and some pudding (though I didn't eat the pudding).  I had the zucchini masala, the chicken curry, and the chicken tikka masala.  The only bad thing about the place was that they had a very limited menu.  The menu given to us was only one sided and about 3/4 size of a sheet of paper.  Only the items underlined in blue were available for order.  Luckily I found 3 things I wanted to try, but I was hoping for a little more variety and hated the fact that there were items on the menu that you could not order.  But I guess that is a more cost effective way for a smaller business to keep their heads above water if they don't have to try to make every dish, every day.  Would I go back?  Sure!  Especially if I could find out when they would rotate to some of the other dishes.  I'm also glad I didn't look at their online menu before we went - I would have been sorely disappointed!

Tired But Not Sleeping: It's becoming a trend for me as I get up early and then go to bed late and get sleepy in the middle of the day.  Not conducive to being productive, that much is for sure!

Day 264: 6/1/12 - "11am"

"seven a.m.,
the garbage truck beeps as it backs up
and I start my day thinking about what I've thrown away.
Could I push rewind?
The credits traverse signifying the end but I missed the best part.
Could we please go back to start?

Forgive my indecision..."

-"11am" by Incubus

No Sleep...My smoke alarms started malfunctioning last night right around 11pm.  It happened once, then an hour later, then 5 minutes later, then 10 minutes later.  It tried to go to bed with cotton in my ears and hoped for the best, but I was so tense waiting for the stupid thing to beep that I didn't fall asleep until 3pm.  Then someone's car alarm malfunctioned and started going off at 5am.  I finally made myself get up at 6am since it was pretty much a lost cause.  I was so tired at work today I could barely see straight let alone think straight!  I'm going to have to do some work over the weekend to actually catch up on things. 


Farewell: Today we had a short going away party for a staff member who will be going to another local university.  Though we were there for to say goodbye, I couldn't help but to notice the cake that was catered.  I was surprised by the lack of quality shown in the cake.  It was a marble cake with vanilla icing.  The icing was definitely not fresh buttercream (tasted like it came out of a canister).  The cake was moist though and fairly tasty (if not a little lopsided...though I know how that can happen!).  Even the decorations were basic - not sure what the Libraries paid for the cake, but I suspect they were overcharged...And that's not just the baker in me jealously talking!

Day 200: 3/29/12 - "Do You Sleep?"

"And I don't know, and I don't care
If I ever will see you again.
I don't know, and I don't care
If I ever will be there."

-"Do You Sleep?" by Lisa Loeb

Sleep is Both Under & Overrated!  So it's been a while since I had to function with very little sleep and today reminded me of how important it is to get sleep.  But I also proved that I could get through the day and stay awake.  I can't say that I was always coherent...or nice...or really that I should have been at work at all.  But I did it and I can only endeavor to try to get some sleep tonight.  Wish me luck!

Answer the Question!  Why do some people simply ignore the question you send them, and either answer a different question (that you did not ask) or give you advice or information that you did not want or need?  This happened to me today and the sad thing about it is that it was more than one person!  I had to send information again and ask the question (again) to finally get an answer.  And please, stop telling me how to do my job!  I know how to run a project and don't need you or anyone else reminding me that I need to set concrete deadlines.  Stop trying to run my life and go run yours!

Day 169: 2/27/12 - "Fine Again"

"It seems like every day’s the same
and I’m left to discover on my own
It seems like everything is gray
and there’s no color to behold"

-"Fine Again" by Seether

Insomnia:  For some reason I've hit the wall of no sleep again.  I haven't had this problem in a while, and usually it happens when I'm way too stressed.  I'm starting to notice my heart murmur more as well.  My cardiologist mentioned that it was casused by stress, so I need to start taking a real look at my life ot see if I can figure out how to reduce the stress I'm feeling.  I don't deserve a heart problem at my age.  I don't deserve the levels of stress I'm feeling.  I deserve the opportunity to have a normal life with lots of opportunities for joy along with the pain.  Right now I have only the pain.  I should be asleep now, knowing I have to get up tomorrow.  I'll eventually doze off but I'll sleep fitfully and when I wake up, I'll be even more tired than when I went to sleep.  Yep, insomnia is my only friend right now, just not one I want to have hanging around.

Day 136: 1/25/12 - "I Do"

"When I'm done with thinking, then I'm done with you.
When I'm done with crying, then I'm done with you.
When I feel so tired, then I'm done with you.
Everybody feels this way sometimes, everybody feels this way"

-"I Do" by Lisa Loeb

Stormy Weather: We had some serious storms blow through last night, and today at work I heard from others that they were also awakened by the storm and often unable to go back to sleep.  But oddly enough, they also reported that their children (and dogs) were not bothered by the storm.  I also woke up because of the storms, but I had no trouble going back to sleep (which is the exact opposite of my usual MO).  I heard the hail and the rain, saw the lightening and heard the thunder...and rolled over and went back to sleep.  Maybe I was in a stormy weather kind of mood.  Or maybe I was simply still exhausted by my trip.  But whatever the cause, I was glad to be able to get some sleep despite the storm raging outside.

So Much To Do: I was trying to get through all of my e-mails and projects today and failed miserably.  But on the positive side, I did put a dent in the list.  I'll have to tackle it again tomorrow and hopefully a day of fewer meetings will actually help me to focus more and accomplish more.  I plan to create some written to-do lists as well.  Maybe they'll help me to figure a few things out along the way.

Day 124: 1/13/12 - "Foolish Games"

"Excuse, guess I've mistaken you for somebody else

Somebody who gave a damn

Somebody more like myself..."

-"Foolish Games" by Jewel

Wake Up Call!  I hate getting up at different times on different days - it really throws the rest of my day off.  Now, yesterday it was only 30 minutes and it didn't impact me as much as I thought it would (except I did get better parking at work so I guess there are some perks).  But the other day I had to get up at 5:30 so that I could be at work by 7:00 and the rest of the day just didn't go well.  I would need to always get up at 5:30 every day and because of the medication I have to take every day, it throws me of if I have to take my medicine at a different time or if I try to take it at the same time, then I can't eat until a different time.

Forgetful Me  I'm actually posting this on Saturday since I completely forgot to post last night.  It was the first time since I started posting that I didn't even realize that I hadn't posted.  That rarely happens since I've even had a time where I was just about to fall asleep and I had one of those "oops" moments.  I got up and posted and then went to bed.  I'm not too worried about this one lapse - I think it could even be a good sign because maybe it means I had a good enough day that I didn't feel the urge to post anything.  I'll do better tomorrow (or actually today) and remember to post on time!

Day 70: 11/20/11 - "Not Even the Trees"

"You see I'm tired of feeling this pain 

I'm tired of living my own little lie"

-"Not Even the Trees" by Hootie & The Blowfish

Just Not Right: No matter how well one day is, the next is not guaranteed to follow suit.  Today I've struggled with not feeling well from the start, including what I call restless leg, though I don't know if it is the same as the medically diagnosed issue with the same name.  All I do know is that it makes it difficult for me to sleep, and even more difficult for me to get comfortable when I'm sitting, standing, walking...moving in general.  And now I'm also suffering from indigestion, despite the Tums I just took.  The food at restaurants is too rich for me and I ate out tonight.  But I've noticed this happening more and more lately.  I'm worried I'm developing an ulcer.

Finished Blanket...Mostly: I've finished the baby blanket I was working on (mostly).  I now have to edge it and sew the ends in (which is going to take some time.  But overall it looks okay.  I'm not completely happy with the final design since I screwed it up - but no one will notice unless I tell them.  Pictures once it is done.

Day 53: 11/3/11 - "Missing"

"Back on the train

I ask why did I come again

Can I confess?

I've been hangin' 'round your old address

And the years have proved

To offer nothin' since you moved

You're long gone

But I can't move on"

-"Missing" by Everything But the Girl

Insomnia is Back: My pendulum of sleep has swung back to "cannot go to sleep or stay asleep" levels.  Of course this means I'm still tired all day and even more so now that I'm not getting as much sleep as before.  What do you do when you have high levels of fatigue but cannot sleep?  What's the right solution?

Old Friends: I got to speak to an old friend tonight.  It was good to hear her voice and good to talk to her.  It also reminded me that I miss my friends from Tennessee and North Carolina.  I'm continuing to reevaluate what is most important for me now and I'm struggling to come to a conclusion.  What if I make the wrong choice again? Will I be the only one who pays for my inability to make sound decisions or will I wind up hurting others like I've done in the past?  Am I to blame for all that has gone wrong?

Day 9: 9/20/11 - "Not Even the Trees"

"...You see I'm tired of feeling this pain
I'm tired of living my own little lie
And it makes me wonder
When I see you in my dreams
Does it mean anything
Are you trying to talk to me..."

- "Not Even the Trees" by Hooties & The Blowfish

Sad to Bed, Angry to Rise: I woke up angry again this morning. I can't make heads or tails of it. I keep thinking, "Did I dream about something that made me angry?" but all I remember is either a convoluted dream that just didn't make sense, or I don't remember my dream at all. But I still woke up angry, and not just "grumpy" as others have referred to me before, but all out, down right angry. As in, angry enough to kick something, angry enough to have a scowl on my face, and angry enough to get frustrated with the least little thing that does not go right. Case in point? I went to the fitness center, was bothered by a mosquito and in my efforts to swat him, I dropped my iPod. My normal reaction would have been to just sigh, pick up the iPod and get back on the elliptical. My reaction this morning? I went after the mosquito with a vengeance, gleefully smashed him, picked up my iPod and angrily got back on the elliptical for a pulse-pounding 15 minute workout...which I immediately castigated myself over because I only did 15 minutes. I wasn't going to win today, no matter what I did (or what others did). To put the cherry on top, when I got in to work, both of my 9 am desk staffers were out sick, so the prep time I had set aside for my class was gone since I had to open the desk.

Technology is a Bitch: A fickle, but alluring, bitch. Why do I say this? Because we find ourselves saddled with expensive pieces of equipment that either don't work right at all, or only work right occasionally, or require you to already know enormous amounts of information to use them...and then they break. I personally think that anything that cost $20,000 should work perfectly for at least a year before it is allowed to start acting up. And why do we put up with the crap that it delivers when we're the ones who paid for it? Random ranting done.

The Great Car Caper: I remember when I used to park my 1979 Mercury Cougar when I went to work and I would come out late at night and promptly forget where I parked my car. My first assumption, stupidly, was that someone had taken my car! Who in the hell would want a 1979 Mercury Cougar with shoddy brakes? I'm blaming youth for this. Today I parked my car in Lot 3 and when I left work, I walked to Lot 8. Needless to say, I didn't realize my error until I got to the lot and realized my car wasn't there, but not once did I think someone had stolen my 2009 Ford Focus...a much better car with lots of bells and whistles. I wonder why my assumptions have changed with age?