Day 300: 7/7/12 - "Back in the High Life Again"

"It used to seem to me

That my life ran on too fast

And I had to take it slowly

Just to make the good parts last

But when you're born to run

It's so hard to just slow down..."

-"Back in the High Life Again" by Steve Winwood

On the Road to Recovery: At least in terms of getting my runs back up to a respectable distance!  I did 5.7 miles in the 90+ heat of Texas and didn't pass out when I got done!  There was a decent breeze, though the sun was brutal!  I also didn't notice any muscle or leg pain afterwards, so I'm taking that as a sign that my knee is healthier and that I hydrated well.  I'll have to see if I can get a run in at least twice a week now, to keep up my strength.  I'll have to stick to treadmills during the week though - since I'll need to be able to stop when I need to and return home quickly to get ready for work.

What a Mess!  I know that now that I'm Miami bound, I need to start thinking about packing my things.  I noticed just how messy my apartment has gotten over the last week.  I'm partially blaming coming back so late from my trip and going right to work and having so much to do.  But I think I'm also just dreading the whole process of cleaning.  But i do know that I'm on a mission to recycle and reduce the size of stuff I need to take with me.  I want to streamline my possessions (including my books!) so that I can start fairly fresh.  We'll see how that goes!

Day 279: 6/16/12 - "Beautiful"

"Every day is so wonderful
Then suddenly, it's hard to breathe
Now and then, I get insecure
From all the pain, I'm so ashamed..."

-"Beautiful" by Christina Aguilera

Long Day: I managed to get my 6 miles in today but it was tougher than I expected.  I ran inside on the treadmill since it has gotten too hot to be outside lately.  I was struggling during the last mile but I managed to complete it.  I really need to figure out how to replenish my fluids faster.  I wonder if the Gatorade people do free consultations for non-athletes!  That would be asking for a bit much!


Anger or Acceptance: I'm trying to figure out if I'm angry about the actions of someone or just accepting of them since it tends to be the way they've always been.  Right now I'm leaning towards acceptance since it doesn't really matter to me what they do.  But anger is still there because I feel like there is potential for there to be more.  Oh well...

Day 230: 4/28/12 - "Broken Hearted"

"While I'm lonely brokenhearted
Life's not over
I can start again
While I'm lonely brokenhearted
It's a hurting thing to get over"
 

-"Broken Hearted" by Brandy

Not Much to Say: I don't have much to say about my day today.  I ran 8.6 miles and nearly passed out afterwards.  About 6 miles into the run I came to the conclusion that I needed to stop running.  I'm in so much pain when I finish that the rest of my day is basically ruined.  Plus, I'm just not cut out for running.  I know I need to find something to replace running with or I'll have a bigger issue on my hand, but I'll have to worry about that later.  I tend to think a lot as I run and I often come up with new stories for the books I'll never finish, or decisions related to work or my life.  I just didn't expect my decision today to be about running.  I'm a little saddened at the idea of not running anymore.  I also feel as if I'm admitting defeat in my battle of the budge and again failing at something in my life.

Writing It All Out: Today I spent more time writing and working on my books than I have in a long time.  I also reread my books as I work on them (I have to for most since I don't remember what I wrote).  I was rereading one of them and actually made myself tear up over something I had imagined happening to someone in a book.  It was kind of nice to see that I had written something that could evoke an emotional response.  I'm just sad that it is likely no one else will read it.

Day 216: 4/14/12 - "Silence"

"Silence is cruel and bright

When you've been up all night

Another lonely scene

watching it pass us by..."

-"Silence" by Seal

Another Bad Run: I tried a different route again today, this time running down Bitters.  I didn't realize how many hills were on Bitters and I knew as soon as I hit the first one that I was in trouble.  There were three more and then I had to turn around to head back home.  I managed to re-run all of the hills on Bitters but I only made it another mile on Blanco before I had to finish my run by walking the last mile or so (by the way, I hate doing that...makes me feel like a failure!). Not sure if it was the humidity that got me (I was drenched before mile two), or something else.  There was a great breeze blowing today so I can't say it was too hot.  I was so dizzy and tired by the time I got back that I had to make my breakfast and do the dishes sitting down in a chair.  I haven't had that happen in a long time.  :-(

Why Are the Post Offices So Far Away!  It takes way too long to get to anything that resembles a real post office around here.  I either have to go to Thousand Oaks or all the way down past the University (which I did today since I had to stop in at work anyway). Seriously, San Antonio is way too spaced out.  I didn't see it as a bad thing before, but now I'm starting to notice it.  Of course, it is likely that I'm just peeved about everything else in my life right now so this small thing just got piled on top.  I'll have to add it to list of things I'm not allowed to be peeved about.

Day 202: 3/31/12 - "You Gotta Be"

"Listen as your day unfolds
Challenge what the future holds
Try and keep your head up to the sky
Lovers, they may cause you tears
Go ahead release your fears
Stand up and be counted
Don't be ashamed to cry
You gotta be
You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold
You gotta be wiser, you gotta be hard
You gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm
You gotta stay together"

-"You Gotta Be" by Des'ree

Too HOT!  I can't believe that it is already almost too hot for me to take my long runs outside now.  I was hoping to at least make it through April before I had to resort to running inside on the treadmill (or getting up so early that the sun is still in bed!).  I like running in the winter time because it is rarely too cold down here for me to not run outside.  And early spring and fall are also great times to hit the sidewalks.  I actually managed a long one today but I was parched before I hit mile 6 and the last 2.5 miles were grueling (though I didn't get sick like I did two weeks ago).

Where Will I Be?  It's funny, but when people have asked me during interviews where I see myself in however many years, and I've found that to be the easiest question to answer.  I've always felt I've known where I would be career-wise.  But today, I tried to ask myself where I thought I would be in a year in my personal life and I came up blank.  I was frightened by this, as I feel I should know what I hope to do in the next year of my life.  I should not only have a clear cut plan but I should have a known destination in mind.  I feel as if I'm moving through my life with blinders on.

Day 167: 2/25/12 - "Furious Rose"

"Cause I'm barely balancing as it is

And I don't want to drown in my dreams..."

-"Furious Rose" by Lisa Loeb

Diploma Dash: Today was the Diploma Dash, my first race since the 2009 Race for the Cure in Raleigh.  I didn't do badly, I must say.  I finish in 35:30 and averaged a sub 12 minute mile.  I'm nowhere near my 31:00 time that I ran back in Knoxville in 2007, but now I at least have hope that I might be able to get back there.  I did much better running outside than I did on the treadmill.  For some reason when I try to do 5K on the treadmill (or any long distance) I just get tired easily and bored out of my mind!  Now I'll have to look out for other races that I can afford.  I definitely want to run them while the weather is good, because no way I'm running a race in Texas summer time weather.  Kudos to the rest of the JPL Joggers.  Our team of 4 all finished the race (and we all ran at our own pace).  I will say that I was both glad to see the number of women out running, but surprised at how many of the young women who looked fit, but could not run the whole race.  Most of them clearly started out running because they were far ahead of me, but I wound up passing them during the second mile.  It just goes to show that body type and size aren't always the best predictors of health or physical ability!

Working My Life Away: It felt that way today as I tried to tackle my e-mail and catch up on work (and get ready for Monday and the rest of the week).  I know I should take more time for myself but it is harder to do that when I worry that I won't be able to get everything done next week (and I know others are expecting me to produce things).  I hope that I'll have time to do everything that needs to be done and also the extra things that I think I need to be doing to continue to develop professionally.  I guess you can call it homework!

Day 166: 2/24/12 - "Run"

"Are these times contagious?

I've never been this bored before.

Is this the prize I've waited for...

Have I got a long way to run..."

-"Run" by Collective Soul

Big Race Tomorrow: Tomorrow is the Diploma Dash and I'm both excited and anxious about running in my first race in a long time (since 2009 Race for the Cure!).  I'm super psyched to see what my time will be but I'm worried about how my knee will hold up.  The good news is that the weather should be a little cool and I tend to run better in this type of weather.  The bad news is that it might rain and it will likely be very windy (which makes for tough running!).  I hope I can sustain my pace and not get run over by the other 2,000 people there...and not finish 2,000th!

Some People Are Just...Mean:  Okay, so I'm not a Taylor Swift fan, but I felt like channeling her today when I was dealing with the actions of grown ups acting like petty, small children.  Immaturity has no place in professional locations, nor does it have any place in deciding or impacting the future of someone else.  The fact that I was expected to accept that and just sign my name on the dotted line is comical to me.  No chance that would ever happen!  I can only hope that they will get what is truly coming to them based on their actions. 

Day 160: 2/18/12 - "Drive in Drive Out"

"I hear more than I like to...
So I boil my head in a sense of humor...
I laugh at what I cannot change...
I throw it all on the pile again...go then and do this
I'd do it for you...
When all that I want is so badly to be...
By myself again...
It's going to drive me right out of my brain"

-"Drive in Drive Out" by The Dave Matthews Band

Like a Hamster on a Wheel:  I hate running on a treadmill and I now realize that I truly can't do long distances on them.  Today I tried to run 9 miles and the first problem I had was that I couldn't set the time for longer than 95 minutes (it takes me 120 to run 9 miles).  And then I had trouble with the heat of the room and wound up losing more sweat than I do when I run outside in nice weather.  I only made it to 6 miles before I had to stop.  The final straw was the sheer boredom!  I was so bored just running and looking at the same thing every minute.  I'll be glad if the rain clears up and I can run outside in the future...though when the heat starts, I'll be in trouble for another reason.


A Non-Library Conference: Today the FYE conference opened and I headed downtown for the Opening Keynote and the Opening Reception.  The Keynote speaker was Dewayne Matthews and I actually liked his speech and how he handled himself.  The reception showed me just why the darn conference costs so much...free drinks (though only 1 before the cash bar came in), real food and expensive side items is where a lot of that money must have gone.  Not sure how I feel about that - I know I wouldn't normally want to pay extra for the food at the conference, especially when it is in my home town and I can stay at home and eat my own food.  Oh well, we will see how I'm able to get up tomorrow to attend some sessions - off to bed now!

Day 146: 2/4/12 - "Are You Ready?"

"Hey Mr. Hero

Walking a thin fine line

Over the microscope of life

Remember your roots my friend

They're right down below

Cause heroes come and heroes go..."

-"Are You Ready?" - by Creed

Running: I was able to do 9 miles in 2 hours again today.  I actually would have cut nearly a minute off of my time but I hit the light next to my apartment complex and that slowed me down.  I'm finding the longer distances easier (though I still hurt after and start hurting more as they go on).  I definitely don't have trouble with 6 miles any more.  It's hard to believe that just a few weeks ago (and even when I first moved here) I could barely complete the 6 miles without passing out.  Today when I hit 6 miles I still felt really good!  It was right around mile 7.5 that I started to notice fatigue.  Add that to the fact that the path I chose to run today was full of hills!  It also looks like I can try running down 1604 as an option - it was a little dicey at the end of the first half of the run since I have to cross over to the other side, but today it worked out nicely.  I'm hoping to get to 10 miles as my next milestone.  And I have a 5K to do in a couple of weeks.  I should be well trained.

My Top 10 Reasons Why Running Outside Can be Dangerous:

•  Distracted Drivers - it's amazing how people can't stay inside their lanes!
• Finicky Weather - it may start out sunny and rain..or rainy and get hot and muggy...
• Distance from Home - if you get tired or injure yourself, you still have to turn around and go back home...which can be a pretty substantial distance depending on how far you've gone.
• Momentum Interruptions - having to cross streets and wait for lights to be safe can really slow you down.
• Broken Glass - you'd be appalled at the amount of broken glass that exists outside.  Having to dodge this can get really difficult.
• Disappearing Sidewalks - sometimes they just don't finish the sidewalks, which means you have to run on changing landscapes.
• Dogs - doesn't happen often here, but there is always the potential for dogs who are loose and want to chase you.
• Construction - it can really throw off traffic and your running routes.
• Potholes - they come out of nowhere and you have to avoid them or risk major injury.
• Standing Water - it harbors bugs and is messy if you have to run through one! 

Self-Doubts: Today was one of those days when self-doubts crept into my head and I was very unproductive.  I've found that I can't work when my mind is racing and full of questions that I don't have answers for.  I'm just now coming out of that feeling though it is not completely gone.  I think that these self-doubts are natural, but they are also poisonous in their ability to derail me as I attempt to get things done.  I'll have to hope that tomorrow is better since the time is and my tired body are pushing me towards an early night.