Day 87: 12/07/11 - "All My Friends"

"Thought I might get a rocket ride

When I was a child but it was a lie

That I told myself when I needed something good

At seventeen, had a better dream.

Now I'm thirty-three and it isn't me

But I'd think of something better if I could

All you want is a beauty queen

Not a superstar but everybody's dream machine

All you want is a place to lay your head

You go to sleep dreaming how you would

Be a different kind if you thought you could

But you come awake the way you are instead"

-"All My Friends" by the Counting Crows

Pet Peeves: Okay, I know I've talked about different pet peeves before but I have a new one.  I can't stand it when people are too lazy to return the shopping carts to the carrels.  It's even worse when they don't put them back and the carrel is RIGHT THERE!  Want to add insult to injury?  How about leaving the cart behind someone else's car!  That's what happened tonight while I was at Wal-Mart.  I came out and right behind my car was a shopping cart. Where was the carrel?  Right in front of my car!  I almost had a conniption fit!

Necessary but Painful: I hate getting tests done, especially invasive ones, but today I experienced one that was truly painful.  All my ladies who have experienced a mammogram will know what I mean.  It was my first one and I know they are necessary, but I really wish they could find a better way.  The pain is definitely not fun and no matter who you are, it is just not a comfortable test to have done emotionally either.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed for good news from all of my tests (or at least a reason for the weird symptoms).

Wanted - Boyfriend: I'm starting to think I should just put an ad out there somewhere and recruit one.  Why not?  We recruit for jobs and apparently spending time with me would be rather like a chore (or so I've been told), so maybe I should treat it like a job?  But what do you offer for this position?  What would make it an attractive position for someone to have?  I'll have to think about this further - I'm pretty sure a salary would be expected and that sounds downright illegal.  Plus, what would I do if no one applied?

Day 86: 12/06/11 - "Echo"

"My biggest fear will be the rescue of me
Strange how it turns out that way, yeah"

-"Echo" by Incubus

The Best Gifts: I don't usually like getting gifts. They make me feel beholden to someone else, like I owe them something.  I realize this is not rational since it is an over-generalization of the gift giving and getting process, but it is how I feel.  But there are some gifts that don't make me feel this way, and they usually are what I call Pam Gifts.  What are Pam Gifts, you may ask?  Pam Gifts are gifts from my friend Pam, who seems to specialize in sending people the perfect gift that they need right when they need it.  Case in point: Pam sent my Christmas present early.  Those of you who read my blog know that I haven't exactly been the most chipper person in the world lately (though I'm trying!).  I open my present because Pam gave me permission too and what do I see?  A tiny notebook called a Queen tablet (for those times when I need to make a royal decree!) and a magnet that says "wait - hope - expect."  I'll try to listen to the magnet especially and I may even need to take it to work.  Though these gifts don't make me feel completely like I owe Pam something, I know I do and it has nothing to do with the gifts and everything to do with the thought behind them.  Thanks Pam...

Baking...Again: Yep, I was at it again tonight, this time I made a sweet potato pie for a party I may not get to attend tomorrow (go figure!).  I actually like my sweet potato pie, and I hope others do too.  I don't like the crust I made though.  It definitely looked good when it was rolled out, but it still browned too quickly (always seems to happen!).  One day I'll figure out how to prevent this - I just hope the rest of the pie came out alright (the bad thing about pie is that you can't test it like you can a cookie or even cupcakes). 

home made crust

pie mixture poured in...

finished pie

The Final Day...Or, at least the final class day for my freshman seminar was today.  I must admit it was a bit bittersweet.  We had students create 6 word memoirs about the class today and though I don't think they all took it completely seriously, I still thought they had some good ones.  Here they are (no names attached to save me from embarrassing them and a little commentary from me):

• Lots of fun, Tuesdays and Thursdays!
• I need more extra credit, please!
• If his counts, mine counts too (this one was a joke)
• Your food is super freaking delicious (yes, I fed them!)
• I love Kawanna's class so much!
• Loved it, very fun, miss it
• I really enjoyed myself this semester
• Crazy girls, loud table, friends forever (if you were in my class you'd know how true this one was)
• Came to class, learned new things
• Best class of the whole semester
• I love Kawanna Bright very much! (no I don't give extra credit for this!)
• This class was very, very helpful
• I really enjoyed the guest speakers
• This class was the bomb-diggity
• Coming to class is very important (from a student who stopped coming to class and nearly failed the class because of it).
• Met people, ate food, "read" chapters (note how "read" is in quotations)
• Was served lots of good food
• Learned about school, had some fun
• Met people and enjoyed class time
• Fun class, easy work, great teacher
• Made a new friend, learned much

Which one is my favorite?  Take a guess - I won't pick on here (wouldn't be fair to my students!).  Only the final to create now and a hope that they will do well!

Day 85: 12/05/11 - "The Mountains Win Again"

"I pick up my smile

Put it in my pocket

Hold it for awhile

Try not to have to drop it..."

-"The Mountains Win Again" by Blues Traveler

Baking...Again:  I finished up my baking pretty early tonight since I have so much other stuff to work on.  Nothing too crazy this time around - just my chocolate and vanilla cupcakes.  I also tried to make some lemon cupcakes but they didn't turn out very well.  I had some miscommunication with myself on the amount of baking soda to add to the batter.  By the time I realized the mistake I could only add it in late and hope for the best.  This, of course, meant that my cakes didn't rise as they should have (oh well).  I'm going to try one in a bit to see if they are salvageable, but I suspect I won't be willing to share them with anyone.

New Toy: I did pick up a new toy today - a cupcake carousel!  It is designed to hold 24 cupcakes and it even looks a bit like a giant cupcake.  I couldn't resist and it was only $20.00 so I figured it was worth it with the amount of baking I do.  I hope I'll have multiple uses for it - even using it to carry around other things other than cupcakes.  We'll have to see!

The Nerve of Some People!  If you are told that something must only be done in secret (and not something illegal, just a fun thing that is done every year and theoretically hidden from someone else so they will be surprised in the future), then why do you feel you have the right to expose the secret to everyone?  Thanks a lot for ruining a nice tradition.  Now we'll have to start a new one...if we decide to even bother.  I always knew some people couldn't be asked to keep a secret...

Day 84: 12/04/11 - "Almost Doesn't Count"

"But everybody knows
Almost doesn't count"

-"Almost Doesn't Count" by Brandy

Baking up a Frenzy: Today I made both chocolate chip cookies and vegan lemon poppy seed muffins (one of my students is a vegan and I don't want her not to have something to eat during our finals prep party on Tuesday.  The cookies came out cute and tasty (as usual).  No need to post a recipe since it is just the one off of the toll house morsels bag.  But the vegan lemon poppy seed muffins deserve a recipe post (though I haven't tried one yet, so I don't know what they taste like).

Vegan Lemon Poppy Seed Muffins
 
1 3/4 cups unbleached all-purpose flour
1/4 cup organic sugar (I used Florida Crystals brand)
1 tbsp baking powder
1/4 tsp salt
1/3 cup unsweetened applesauce
3/4 cup soy milk
6 oz soy yogurt (I used vanilla but you could also use lemon)
1/2 tsp pure vanilla extract
1 tbsp lemon juice
2 tbsp grated lemon zest
1 tbsp poppy seeds

Combine the dry ingredients in a large bowl and set aside.  Combine the wet ingredients in small bowl and combine.  Mix the wet and the dry together, adding the poppy seeds about 1/2 way through the mixing process.  Don't over mix, combine just until moist.  Pour batter into prepared pans (or cups) and bake for 20 - 25 minutes at 400 degrees.

Though I haven't eaten one yet they definitely smelled nice and the batter tasted nice.  I'll tr one tomorrow and post what they taste like.

Hair Raising: I decided to twist my hair up, partly out of boredom and partly because of the temperature drop (I can't get a hat on my hair in its natural state).  Even I didn't realize how much it has grown in just the last month.  I tend to twist it up at least once a month just for a change, but it has gotten almost as long as it was before I had it cut off in Paris.  And yes, it is getting hard to twist up (takes longer).  But I realized how much I missed this look.  Twists are me...not the straight hair...not the natural fro...twists.  Others don't seem to like it but I'm at the point where I can say I don't give a shit what they like.  It's my hair not there's. 

Day 83: 12/03/11 - "Breathe (2AM)"

"It's 2am and she calls me cause I'm still awake

Can you help me unravel my latest mistake..."

-"Breathe (2AM) by Anna Nalick

Alien: Today I realize that though I love my family very much, I am not one of them. No, I do not mean genetically.  I am very much of their blood.  But some how, some way, I turned out to be a little different and that has never been more apparent to me than today.  I received a phone call from a member of my family and what they had to share was that they had screwed up...again.  I felt immediate anger but instead of yelling (as I wanted to) I said what I usually say.  What I really wanted to do was scream at them about how selfish they have been and how cowardly.  I don't understand it when people drink or do drugs as a way to deal with their problems.  It never solves the problem they are running from and it usually (as in this case) creates even more problems for them.  Problems that I will likely have to help them deal with and that will impact me more negatively than it does them.  Why am I the one who always has to pay?

I finally decided that I must have done something really terrible in a past life to deserve everything that is happening now.  I must have been mean and ungrateful to a wonderful family.  I must have taken everything for granted.  I bet I was beautiful and popular and rich.  I bet I had everything but didn't have enough sense to enjoy it.  Because now I have nothing and every day just seems to get worse.  I don't know what I'm supposed to do now - how to cope when the logical answer is the exact opposite of my personal make up.  How do I make myself get up every day when I know what I have to face?  Easy - I'm not a coward like the others.

Day 82: 12/02/11 - "I Dare You"

"I dare you to tell me to walk through fire
Wear my soul and call me a liar"

-"I Dare You" by Shinedown

Whirlwind: Today was a true whirlwind of activity.  Once I got to work I didn't stop moving until I came home at 7:00.  Of course I still don't know what I did all day and I still didn't get through all of my e-mails.  But I know that I did something today because I'm tired!

Newest Symptoms: Today I got a new symptom related to what I think is a hip issue.  My left foot started going numb and tingling while I was standing at the Information desk today.  I had to move around and then flex my foot to get things to start feeling normal but I didn't like the feeling.  Even once the tingling stopped I noticed that my ankle and foot were both hurting a little.  I'm going to have to keep an eye on this over the next few days and let my doctor know about it as soon as I have my follow up.

Not Good Enough: I'm still working on the song my brother wants me to sing and I'm still not good enough to be recorded.  I'm getting the lyrics down though (which is important).  I'm just not sure about the speed of the song - it's fast enough that I feel I'm struggling to make the song lyrical. The flow is slightly off I think - I may suggest to my brother that we slow it down a bit.  I'm not sure how he'll feel about that though, and it is his song.  I'm sure a better singer would be able to handle the quick tempo and still sound great.

Day 81: 12/01/11 - "Never Too Late"

"This world will never be what I expected
And if I don't belong who would have guessed it"

-"Never Too Late" by Three Days Grace

Forgetful Me: So this post is actually a day late since I was up late last night doing Late Night chat and completely spaced on posting.  Maybe that's for the good since I sometimes need to think before I post.  I'm feeling listless again, which is not good, but also feeling a little bit more focused - as if I have something to do that is really important and that I can actually get done.  Let's hope that is true.

Knit Earrings?  Someone mentioned this to me as a business venture and though I first laughed about it, I'm starting to rethink the laughter.  Would there be a market for this?  Could I actually sell something like that?  What would they look like?  Do I have both the design and knitting chops to pull something like this off?  I think the answer to that is "I don't know, but I can try!"  I don't think this would be an expensive venture to start and at worst I make some gifts for friends to see if they'll wear them.  Gotta start somewhere....