"It's 2am and she calls me cause I'm still awake
Can you help me unravel my latest mistake..."
-"Breathe (2AM) by Anna Nalick
Alien: Today I realize that though I love my family very much, I am not one of them. No, I do not mean genetically. I am very much of their blood. But some how, some way, I turned out to be a little different and that has never been more apparent to me than today. I received a phone call from a member of my family and what they had to share was that they had screwed up...again. I felt immediate anger but instead of yelling (as I wanted to) I said what I usually say. What I really wanted to do was scream at them about how selfish they have been and how cowardly. I don't understand it when people drink or do drugs as a way to deal with their problems. It never solves the problem they are running from and it usually (as in this case) creates even more problems for them. Problems that I will likely have to help them deal with and that will impact me more negatively than it does them. Why am I the one who always has to pay?
I finally decided that I must have done something really terrible in a past life to deserve everything that is happening now. I must have been mean and ungrateful to a wonderful family. I must have taken everything for granted. I bet I was beautiful and popular and rich. I bet I had everything but didn't have enough sense to enjoy it. Because now I have nothing and every day just seems to get worse. I don't know what I'm supposed to do now - how to cope when the logical answer is the exact opposite of my personal make up. How do I make myself get up every day when I know what I have to face? Easy - I'm not a coward like the others.
No comments:
Post a Comment