Day 203: 4/1/12 - "Circle of Friends"

"But, I quit. I give up.
Nothing's good enough for anybody else
it seems.
And I quit. I give up.
Nothing's good enough for anybody else
it seems.

And being alone
is the best way to be.
When I'm by myself it's
the best way to be.
When I'm all alone it's
the best way to be.
When I'm by myself
nobody else can say goodbye."

-"Circle of Friends" by Edie Brickell

I Don't Like the Heat: Today it had to be at least 90.  I really hope it was Mother Nature playing an April Fool's joke on us weather-wise, because if not, it is going to be one hella hot spring/summer/fall.  I actually managed to do some spring cleaning today and finished the guest room, guest bath, foyer laundry room, dining room, and kitchen.  Next weekend will be the living room, master bed, closet, and master bath.  Sadly, due to my habit of being a lazy slob, those spaces are complete train wrecks that will take another few hours of work...plus, it was just too darn hot today and I also had to fix dinner and lunch for the week.

Off to Bed with Aches and Pains: Ever had one of those days where everything just hurts but you aren't sick (flu)?  I'm having that today.  I swear, my hip, my back, my arms, my head, my neck, my stomach, my legs, my ankle, both feet, right knee.  Jeez...I think I'm out of body parts that can hurt, but I shouldn't say that too loud - I'm sure my body can find other ways to make me suffer.

Weekend Blues: I've really got to try to find something fun to do on the weekends.  This sitting around the house (even if I'm cleaning) is getting old and beyond boring.  I'd really rather have something to do other than worry about whether I should wash my hair or not (boring!).  And though I really like taking advantage of the Starz free preview, sitting around and watching TV is not what I had in mind either.

Day 202: 3/31/12 - "You Gotta Be"

"Listen as your day unfolds
Challenge what the future holds
Try and keep your head up to the sky
Lovers, they may cause you tears
Go ahead release your fears
Stand up and be counted
Don't be ashamed to cry
You gotta be
You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold
You gotta be wiser, you gotta be hard
You gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm
You gotta stay together"

-"You Gotta Be" by Des'ree

Too HOT!  I can't believe that it is already almost too hot for me to take my long runs outside now.  I was hoping to at least make it through April before I had to resort to running inside on the treadmill (or getting up so early that the sun is still in bed!).  I like running in the winter time because it is rarely too cold down here for me to not run outside.  And early spring and fall are also great times to hit the sidewalks.  I actually managed a long one today but I was parched before I hit mile 6 and the last 2.5 miles were grueling (though I didn't get sick like I did two weeks ago).

Where Will I Be?  It's funny, but when people have asked me during interviews where I see myself in however many years, and I've found that to be the easiest question to answer.  I've always felt I've known where I would be career-wise.  But today, I tried to ask myself where I thought I would be in a year in my personal life and I came up blank.  I was frightened by this, as I feel I should know what I hope to do in the next year of my life.  I should not only have a clear cut plan but I should have a known destination in mind.  I feel as if I'm moving through my life with blinders on.

Day 201: 3/30/12 - "Do What You Have to Do"

"What ravages of spirit

Conjured this temptuous rage

Created you a monster...

Deep within I'm shaken by the violence

Of existing for only you

I know I can't be with you

I do what I have to do...

And I have sense to recognize but

I don't know how to let you go..."

- "Do What You Have to Do" by Sarah McLachlan

My Something New: I forgot to label my something new from last week, but since I posted about my trip to Houston, I pretty much covered it.  My something new from this week was a visit to La Cantera for some window shopping and (I thought) some food.  But I forgot that it was Friday night and all of the main eateries were packed.  So I stopped at Paciugo and had some black cherry gelato (very good).  I then headed back home but decided to stop at Pasha for dinner (near my apartment).  Again, the Friday night bug got me and when I realized it was truly a sit-down place, I decided to just hit HEB and get one of their meals.  Along the way I swung by the liquor store and picked up some rum (I have this idea for a strawberry daquiri cupcake and I need the rum for that...so don't think I've gone over the dark side and started drinking!).  Unfortunately, I hit HEB too late and they had already packed things up.  I ended up with pre-made sushi rolls, hummus and pita chips, and sweet potato waffle fries.  Definitely not the healthiest meal but I got a nice mixture of things that I like.

I Hate My Big Feet: I need new work shoes and I have an idea of what I want (I'm very picky and I have a bad ankle so I need comfort as well).  I went to the Clark's store and they only had 3 pair for me to even try on.  I don't like buying shoes online because I can't try them on first (some size 12's wear much smaller!).  After an unsuccessful trip to Clark's I went to Dillard's and I couldn't even get any help (I was not happy about being ignored!).  I then tried Macy's and again, no service offered.  I'm beyond pissed about the continued mistreatment I often get at upscale stores.  I get ignored because I don't "look" the part.  But back to my rant about shoes.  Why does it have to be so hard for companies to realize that there are a lot of women who have larger feet.  One store had 10 boxes of size 9's and no other sizes.  So either they bought too many in that size or there aren't enough women with that shoe size in San Antonio.  I hate that I have big feet - I know I need them to be big enough to balance me, but come on!  Big hands, too tall, and cursed with big feet!  I think I got enough crap dumped on me to not deserve to never be able to get shoes! 

Day 200: 3/29/12 - "Do You Sleep?"

"And I don't know, and I don't care
If I ever will see you again.
I don't know, and I don't care
If I ever will be there."

-"Do You Sleep?" by Lisa Loeb

Sleep is Both Under & Overrated!  So it's been a while since I had to function with very little sleep and today reminded me of how important it is to get sleep.  But I also proved that I could get through the day and stay awake.  I can't say that I was always coherent...or nice...or really that I should have been at work at all.  But I did it and I can only endeavor to try to get some sleep tonight.  Wish me luck!

Answer the Question!  Why do some people simply ignore the question you send them, and either answer a different question (that you did not ask) or give you advice or information that you did not want or need?  This happened to me today and the sad thing about it is that it was more than one person!  I had to send information again and ask the question (again) to finally get an answer.  And please, stop telling me how to do my job!  I know how to run a project and don't need you or anyone else reminding me that I need to set concrete deadlines.  Stop trying to run my life and go run yours!

Day 199: 3/28/12 - "Somebody"

"Keep on looking 'cause maybe who you're looking for is

Somebody in the next car, somebody on the morning train

Somebody in the coffee shop that you walk right by everyday

Somebody that you look at but never really see

Somewhere out there, there's somebody"

-"Somebody" by Mark Wills

Chocolate Banana Cupcakes with Peanut Butter & Vanilla Buttercream: By FB demand I'm posting the recipe and the pictures of the chocolate banana cupcakes that I made last night.  Sorry friends, but I haven't discovered how to post the smell but wish I could - it is simply amazing!  Here's the cupcake recipe, adapted from the Joy of Baking website:

Ingredients:
1 cup sugar
1 cup all-purpose flour
1/3 cup cocoa powder
3/4 tsp baking powder
3/4 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
1 large egg
2 medium ripe bananas (mashed)
1/2 cup warm water
1/4 cup skim milk
1/4 cup olive oil
3/4 tsp vanilla extract

 Preheat the oven to 325 degrees.  Line 12 cupcake/muffin tins with papers.  In one bowl, combine all of the dry ingredients and set aside.  In another bowl (or your mixer bowl if using a large mixer) combine all of the wet ingredients and whisk.  Add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients and mix when until combined.  Scoop or pour the batter into the prepared cups.  Bake for 15 to 18 minutes (depending on your oven - mine took 18 and came out perfectly!).

For the buttercream:

1/2 cup unsalted butter at room temperature (1 stick)
1 1/2 - 2 cups powdered sugar
1/2 tbsp boiling water
1 tsp vanilla
1/2 cup creamy peanut butter

To make the vanilla butter cream, place the butter into the mixer bowl and mix on medium until light and fluffy.  Add the boiling water, the vanilla, and the powdered sugar and mix until buttercream is thick, creamy, and light.  For the peanut butter buttercream, Mix the peanut butter in with the butter until creamy.  Then add the powdered sugar, boiling water, and vanilla.  Each batch makes enough to ice 12 cupcakes thickly, so you may have some left over.  Buttercream freezes well though, so you can save it.  To use it again, allow it to thaw at room temperature for about an hour. Place back into the mixer and whip it until it is smooth again.  Only freeze it once though - once you thaw it out you need to use it all or throw it out.

Awaiting Frosting

Peanut butter icing swirled on top of the vanilla icing

With only vanilla icing

Hats!  I didn't realize when I posted the pic of my friend Jennifer's baby blanket that I didn't include a good picture of the hat I also made, so here it is.  How cute is it?

Day 198: 3/27/12 - "Voices Carry"

"I try so hard not to get upset

Because I know all the trouble I'll get

Oh, he tells me tears are something to hid

And something to fear

And I try so hard to keep it inside

So no one can hear

Hush hush, keep it down now, voices carry...

He wants me

But only part of the time

He wants me

If he can keep me in line..."

-"Voices Carry" by Til Tuesday

And There is Even More...It's funny how you go into a meeting expecting a discussion and leave with a more work to do.  My to-do lists are getting entirely too long for me to balance and still get things done in a timely manner.  I'm trying to figure out what I can not do without running into issues.  Something isn't going to be done on time no matter what I do.  Now I have to figure out how to not get into serious trouble when I miss a few deadlines (like maybe 2 or 3...).

Last Minute Baking: I'm getting senile - I forgot I volunteered to bake for tomorrow at work so I just threw together a batch of cupcakes - chocolate banana. The batter was good so I'm guessing the cupcakes are good.  I don't feel like eating a chocolate cupcake tonight so I'll just have to hope for the best.  I'll make the buttercream tomorrow - don't want it to get old in the fridge overnight.  I'll post pictures tomorrow when they are complete - no need to have half -done cupcakes pictured!

Day 197: 3/26/12 - "Neon Moon"

"Watch your broken dreams

Dance in and out of the beams

Of a neon moon"

-"Neon Moon" by Brooks & Dunn

Some Things Come as a Complete Surprise: Sometimes things happen that catch you completely off-guard.  I've got mixed feelings about some news I received today.  While one part of me is feeling the stress related to the news, another part of me sees the possibilities.  That I didn't see it coming isn't a surprise, though I also look back and realize that there were signs that I can now attribute to what is happening.  What does this mean for future decisions?  How will this impact my own life?  I don't know but it will be interesting to find out.

The Me Generation: I read a short article in the Chronicle of Higher Education about the "Me Generation."  One of the things the article pointed out was that this group of students doesn't take responsibility for their own actions.  They blame others when something bad happens to them or if they do not perform up to standards.  I also would add that they are not responsible at all.  They have no grasp of what they should do in any professional situation and they make decisions based on unclear rules and regulations.  What does this mean for me and others who work with them?  That we need to work harder to find those few diamonds in the rough who truly need and will accept our help.  The others should just have to take care of themselves!