Year 2, Day 76: 11/26/12 - "Everyday"

I got lost, couldn't find my way
And I guess there's nothing more to say...

 But I'm here and here I will stay

So everyday I cry
Yes everyday I fall...

So everyday goes by
And everyday I fall
It makes me wonder why,
My life's worth nothing without you

You'll never know, no, no, no ,no ,no...
No you'll never see

And so the light fades away
Try, try, try as I may
I can't stop thinking about you
It seems my life's worth nothing without you

Everyday, everyday you know I try so hard
Everyday, everyday it gets a little harder...

-"Everyday" by Phil Collins

Not Sure Why...I woke up an hour before my alarm was set to go off, shaking as if it were 30 degrees in my apartment, and crying.  It was not a good sensation and I found it to be downright frightening.  I tried to stay in bed and figure out what had triggered this and I finally narrowed it down to two things.

1. Feelings of being overwhelmed.  I know how much I need to do at work and I feel as if I don't have the time or the means to truly do it.  I'm sure this is part of what prompted my temporary nervous breakdown.
2. Feelings of inadequacy.  I went to bed thinking that my efforts to get to know someone long distance were stupid and futile, because once they met me in person, they wouldn't be interested in me any more.  I don't blame them and I almost wish there were a way to meet them before that day, so I could get the disappointment over with and just move.  I think this is the bigger part of what set me off today and really made me feel as if I just couldn't get up.  I know I shouldn't place so much of myself into this process of meeting someone, when I know how it is likely to end.  But a part of me is still a dreamer and that dreamer has reared her ugly head.  The naysayer in me is trying to knock her back down and this is what I think is causing my emotional and physical suffering.