Day 56: 11/6/11 - "The Earth Stopped Cold at Dawn"

"Another reason to doubt me

Another tear drop falls..."

- "The Earth Stopped Cold at Dawn" by Hootie & The Blowfish 

Past Acts of Kindness: Today I found myself thinking of times in the past when people were nice to me for no reason...or at least for no reason that I could see.  I don't mean things like, holding open doors or simply saying hello.  I mean things that were really unexpected or meant to make me feel better when it wasn't there responsibility to do so.  Here are those memories:

• Square Dancing - 7th Grade (I think): BB picked me to be his partner when I wasn't the last girl to be picked.  We had randomly been paired the year before (I felt bad for him because I know no one wanted to be my partner).  The next year when it was time to do the stupid square dancing, BB picked me right away.  I remember thinking how nice he was to do that (he was always nice to me and I remember him fondly from high school - unlike a few others that I have tried to forget).
• Lunch - 12th Grade: This was the one that I tell others about even to this day because it just shows how mean others can be...and how a few brave souls avoid falling into that trap.  It was lunch time and because of testing schedules, I was eating lunch at an earlier time than normal.  This meant that the friends I usually ate with were eating at a different time and I didn't have anyone to eat lunch with.  I didn't think anything about it and remember just grabbing an empty seat in the cafeteria after I bought my lunch.  About five minutes later two of my friends, MH and MS, popped up and asked to sit with me.  Of course I said yes, it was always good to see both of them and we usually had a good time when we got to sit and talk.  About three minutes after they sat down, K, a girl that I had never had a problem with and one who had always been nice to me, walked up to the table and gave me a funny look.  Then she ignored me and told MH and MS that they could come join her at her table, there was room for them.  I looked over at her table of "popular" kids, mostly girls, and figured that MH and MS would jump at the chance to sit there.  But both of them very politely said "no thanks" and that they were fine where they were.  K didn't seem to believe them but walked away anyway.  As soon as she was gone I glanced at both MH and MS and told them that they could go sit at that table if they wanted to - I didn't mind.  MS shook his head and said that they were fine where they were, and MH nodded in agreement and kept right on eating.  I remember feeling almost normal that day, for one of the few times in my life.  The cool kids chose to sit with me and even after I told them they could move, they stayed.
• Spring Dance - 8th Grade: I went to the dance event though I really didn't want to.  And sure enough I found myself sitting in the bleachers alone, watching everyone else dance, and feeling sorry for myself.  Then MK and his date JF, approached me and MK asked me if I wanted to dance.  I looked at him as if he had lost his mind, especially since JF was his date and girlfriend at the time, but they had talked and both agreed that MK could dance with me.  I turned him down, partially due to embarrassment but also because he was there with his girlfriend and should dance with her, not someone he felt sorry for.  And though I was initially upset by the offer, I now look back on it fondly as the effort of two people to try to do something nice for me (though I definitely didn't need the pity party).

These are all from my childhood and I find that I am unable to come up with any examples from recent history - though I'm sure there have been some. I wonder why I don't seem to notice them as much.  Or maybe its because I feel as if the acts are done with some ulterior motive in mind.  I know I have an ulterior motive in mind whenever I do something nice for someone else.  I won't say what that motive is, since I don't think others would understand, but its there none the less.

Cleaning Day: Nursing a huge headache and feeling sorry for myself, I decided to clean my apartment today.  It was such a mess and though not perfect now, it definitely looks better.  Of course, I still have a headache and now I also have a bad case of the sniffles.  I suspect my sinuses are not happy right now.