"It's crazy, I know, to count on this road
To give me what I need.
But with every state line
Somehow I find, another part of me..."
-"Runaway" by Love and Theft
Life's Uncertainties: A friend sent me a text today telling me that her brother had passed away. She had just told me about a month ago that he had cancer, but I didn't realize how serious it was. I'm sorry that I was not there for her during this tough time, and can only hope that she will recover and survive, while also taking care of her mother who is also battling cancer. This is the way life is sometimes. One day you are here, and the next, gone. I don't want to have my life end and feel the way I do today - there is too much uncertainty in life for me to be wasting my time not doing what I want to do...not being who I want to be.
An Unhappy Raise: I never thought I would see the day where I would get a raise of any kind and not be crowing with happiness. I know that when I got my raise at NC State I was nearly in tears with gratitude. But today I simply looked at the letter I received and then put it down and got back to work. Maybe it is because I somehow feel I don't deserve it? Or maybe it is like a friend said on FB, that money isn't the most important thing. I do believe that you can't throw money at your problems (not unless it is a huge amount!) and expect them to just go away. And I know for a fact that the problems I have right now won't respond to any amount of money. I can only hope that I will see the value of the raise one day and appreciate it. I'm not crazy enough to give it back (as if!) but I can honestly say that I'm not really thinking about it.
Dancing in Circles: I had a new symptom tonight - I got dizzy, truly dizzy and all I did was try to walk in a straight line. It was disconcerting to lose my balance that way and I can only hope that it was due to fatigue or how quickly I turned around (I've done it before). I'll add it to the other random symptoms that I seem to be accumulating these days.
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