"I heard that you settled down
That you found a girl and you're married now.
I heard that your dreams came true."
That you found a girl and you're married now.
I heard that your dreams came true."
-"Someone Like You" by Adele
Stress: Today we had a guest speaker from counseling services come speak to my class. It was a bit surreal, because as she was speaking to the students, she might as well had been telling them about how I was feeling right then. She asked them what happened when they got stressed and most of the "symptoms" were physical. She eventually read off the list of all of the things that could happen and I could have been putting check marks next to every last bit of it. Not that I didn't know I was stressed - don't get me wrong. Unlike my students, some of who believe that they don't get stressed, I know what stress feels like. I know what it is like to deal with both internal and external stress. And I know what it feels like when your internal stress begins to ruin your life (kind of like it is now). Then she started talking about what they could do to combat their stress issues. I knew the answers but I realized that I'm not doing any of them right now. The real question is "why not?" Taking time for myself, doing what I want to do, relaxing, exercising, etc. All of these things can help. Hell, even knitting and baking, my usual stand-by stress relievers, could have helped. But I've hit the point where even these things don't appeal to me. So what do you do when there is nothing you want to do?
Book Sale: One more day of picking up books and then the book sale can get going on Monday as planned. I can honestly say that I'm not feeling guilty about not having the money to donate this year. I've spent more time, energy and gas (not the mention the miles on my car) on this book sale that I think I've given in the only way I can. Besides, I have issues with the idea of my place of employment pressuring me to donate money to worthy causes. Who's to say that I'm not already doing that? How do they know that I don't give money to different charities every month? Why do they have the right to say that we are going to run this campaign in October and we want 100% participation? They won't get 100% this year and I'll be one of the reasons for it. Should I feel guilty? Right now, I think I have a sliver of guilt left in me. I'm sure it will be gone soon enough - my of my emotions seem to ebb and flow these days, why not guilt?
Schedules: Wednesday threw me completely off schedule, with my having to be downtown by 8am. I didn't make it to the gym and then this morning I was so tired I could barely get out of bed. I'm heading off to bed soon and have to get up at a normal time tomorrow - but I worry I won't have the energy or motivation to make it to the gym. If I were seeing progress with weight loss I think it would be easier. The other issue is the continuous pain I'm dealing with in my left hip and my left ankle. I thought that the two days "off" would help but today I continued to limp around. It might be time to reconsider the visit to the ankle specialist as soon as I can afford it.
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