Day 21: 10/2/11 - "Be Yourself"

"Yeah and to be yourself is all that you can do
Hey, to be yourself is all that you can do"

-"Be Yourself" by Audioslave

Vivid Dreams: For the second night in a row I awoke from a vivid dream with another person with a name that I was supposed to remember. This time I was apparently working in a club (yeah, I know - in what reality would that ever be true?) and I remember the outfit that I was wearing so well that I had to draw it out. I also remember that I worked with/for someone named Patty and that he was known as a hugger (but he had a beard that even in my dream was scratchy). When I couldn't shake the memory or the outfit, I drew it out. Since I don't sew, I have no doubt that I won't be making it at any point in my life, but it felt good to put it down on a paper. It's been a while since I've done any clothing design. I was so inspired that I finally drew the wedding dress that I designed for a character in a book. Maybe one day I'll find the time and the ability to create both outfits.

How to Waste a Day: I discovered how easy it is to waste a day by doing the very things you are supposed to do. Here is the rundown:

6:45 am: woke up and took medicine - went back to sleep
8:30 am: woke up for real.
9:00 am: walked over to the grocery store to buy a newspaper
10:00 am: made and ate breakfast
10:20 am: clip and sort coupons, create shopping list.
11:30 am: head to the store
2:00 pm: finally arrive home from shopping
3:30 pm: started cooking
7:30 pm: finished cooking
8:00 pm: washed hair
9:00 pm: cleaned kitchen
11:00 pm: write blog

Not much time to do anything else, but left wondering how did the day go by so fast? I have no clue, but I feel as if I didn't accomplish much, other than cooking. Here is what I managed to make today:

Mushroom & Green Pepper Pizza with Corn Meal & Whole Wheat Crust

Vegetable Rolls

Chicken & Sausage Gumbo

Indian Mango Dal

The house smells slightly odd now because of the mixture of aromas. A little like Indian food and a little like New Orleans food. Haven't tasted the Mango Dal yet - I was too full to eat it by the time it was done. The pizza wasn't too bad. I tasted the stock of the gumbo but haven't eaten a whole bite yet. For those who don't know, I don't like okra, so eating gumbo is not something I normally do, and making gumbo is definitely a first!

Loneliness: It's funny how when you are already feeling down, you only see the things that remind you of just how alone you really are (even though there are likely other things out there that would show you that you aren't the only one). Take today, for instance. As I shopped I noticed how most others were there with someone else (husband, wife, children, etc.). While I struggled with my full basket, they had an extra set of hands to help them push. While I got frustrated when I had to backtrack to another aisle because I had forgotten something, they could send someone to get it so that they could continue with their shopping. While I struggled to bring everything up a flight of stairs and unpack it all, they likely went home and had their family to help them. Then, while perusing Facebook, I see that not one, but two of my FB friends has posted an ultrasound. If that doesn't hit you like a slap in the face, I don't know what would. Now I have to hope that I can go to sleep and not dream as vividly as I have the last two nights. These dreams are actually good - which means they hurt when I wake up and the people who were there in them aren't here with me, and I'm still alone.