Day 50: 10/31/11 - "Red Light"

"At a red light in the sunshine

On a Sunday

Nothin' to say

Don't even try

Some are comin' home

Some are leavin' town

While my world's crashin' down

On a Sunday

In the sunshine

At a red light"

- "Red Light" by David Nail

I've Lost My Mind...I'm starting to find myself snapping at people and smarting off (sort of) when I feel like I'm being insulted by someone.  The sarcasm practically rolls off of me in waves, as does my impatience.  Today I tried to hold my tongue as someone talked down to me as if I wasn't smart enough to do my job or even understand something basic.  Like I had not just done this twice just a few months ago.  Give me some credit for being able to not only do my job but also to remember how I did it in the first place!  I don't need you or anyone else to belittle me that way.

Irony, Coincidence, Happenstance?  Sometimes things happen and I find them strange, but lately I've started to wonder if there is something else going on that I should pay attention to.  For starters, why is it that often when I glance at the clock, whether on my computer, my phone, the wall, or my bedside, I notice that the time is 9:12.  For those who don't know, this is my birthday.  Then, on Saturday while I was running, "Wasted" by Carrie Underwood came on my iPod and right as she said, "one tear hit the hardwood, it fell like broken glass," I looked down and saw shattered clear glass on the sidewalk.  Okay, so there is a lot of broken glass out on the streets and sidewalks - the odds of my seeing broken glass were pretty good.  I kept running and on the way back (3.2 miles into my run) I was listening to "Smack That" by Akon and right as he says "Lamborghini Gallardo," what do I see, but a white Lamborghini.  Now, broken glass is definitely more than common down here in Texas, but not Lamborghinis!  I know, it doesn't mean anything, but wow is it interesting!

Health: I'm still not feeling well despite my best efforts.  I'm grouchy most days (this is putting it mildly) and downright bitchy most days (I don't know if it is the frustration, the sadness, or the depression that is manifesting as anger...or maybe all 3).  Today I went through and processed all of my bills and of course I received another blow when I saw just how broke I was.  Will this be the way life is every day for me forever now?  Will I continue to struggle to even make ends meet for the rest of my life?  When will I get something for me?