Day 20: 10/1/11 - "Party Up"

"Ya'll gon' make me lose my mind
Up in here, up in here.
Ya'll gon' make me go all out
Up in here, up in here.
Ya'll gon' make me act a fool
Up in here, up in here.
Ya'll gon' make me lose my cool
Up in here, up in here."

-"Party Up" by DMX

Dreams & Names: Cordova Zafaralla - this is the name of the person I dreamed about last night. As I've mentioned before, I often remember my dreams but they tend not to make much sense, nor do they usually offer me any epiphanies. But the dream I had last night did lead me to realize something very important about what I'm missing most in my life - a real hug. I don't mean the hugs I get from my family (though I miss those and need those too) or from friends. These are important but not what I mean. I'm talking about the hugs that are offered and given by someone who loves you and just knows that you need one of those hugs that may last longer than just a normal hug. I've never had one of those hugs but I hope to have one some day. This is the hug I got from Cordova Zafaralla in my dream. I even remember what he looks like - very odd to have a name and a face to go with my dream. Is he real? Not likely - I mean, check out that name? But he'll likely become a character in one of my books - maybe I'll finish his story since he came to me in a dream. I already call him Cord for short.

Jury Duty: I got my summons in the mail today - oh joy! At least my date is on a Wednesday so I'll hopefully not miss a class day with my students. Unlike the time I was called in North Carolina and didn't have to go (they had you call the night before to find out if you needed to come in, and I didn't have to), this time it looks like I'll have to show up. I wonder if I'll even get picked? Who knows! It should be an interesting experience and one that I'll very likely blog about at some point.

College Football Collapses: So this week as I watched college football I saw two teams have major collapses in games and I'm wondering how it happens? Both Utah State and Texas A&M had leads in their games and only needed to keep playing the same way, but both allowed teams to come back on them and were unable to find any of their previous magic. It was painful to watch even for someone who wasn't cheering directly for any of the teams in the match ups. You want to see a good game, not watch a train wreck happen.

Alone: When are certain people going to realize that I'm all alone out here? That I'm trying to take care of myself and help them at the same time with no one else to help me? Why do they insist on doing things that are selfish, that hurt me and them, rather than thinking about ways to help me (or even help themselves)? It's like talking to a brick wall - a complete waste of my time and there is no chance the damn wall is ever going to respond the way I want it to. So I don't bother - I just smile and laugh and pretend like it doesn't matter, while inside I feel myself slowly fading away.