Sunday, June 3, 2012

Day 265: 6/2/12 - "White Flag"

"I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were

I will go down with this ship

And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be..."

-"White Flag" by Dido

So Sad: There are days when I look at my life and realized just how empty it is sometimes.  Today was one of those days.  I wanted to get up and go do something but I didn't have anyone to call and I didn't want to go out by myself.  I've gone through periods of time where I don't care if I'm alone when I go out to eat, or go to the movies.  But today I knew I would be too self-conscious to do that.  I'd think about people staring at me and feeling sorry for the girl who has to eat alone, watch a movie alone, be alone.  Yes, this reeks of paranoia and is not logical, but it is how I would feel and I know I wouldn't enjoy the food, the movie, or even just the time.  So I stay home instead and  feel sorry for myself instead of dealing with people feeling sorry for me.  Ironic, huh?

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