"Letters that we don't send
Say the things we mean the most
They remain inside us
Haunting, holding
When I dream, I can't sleep....
-"Don't Give Up" by Ferras
Strange Behavior: I originally studied psychology in college because I wanted to figure myself out. That turned out to be easier than expected, so I was able to turn my focus to understanding others. Over a decade later I find that the information and skills gathered during my undergrad courses and my graduate level courses in counseling, still have relevance. Today I tried to apply it to three different people and their odd behavior. I've deduced that all three have some form of personality disorder, though at varying degrees. Two are highly functioning people, but the third is barely functioning and behaves very erratically from one day to the next. One of the high functioning people is also known for their erratic behavior, but theirs is more stable (you usually figure out their motivation easily). The low functioning/highly erratic person is harder to figure out because there is no rhyme or reason behind their behavior. Guess I'll just have to keep watching and learning!
So Sad to See: It's one thing when you are the person being negatively impacted by the behavior of someone else. I can make decisions for myself and try to learn to protect myself. But I struggle with how to help another person who is now the target of the other person's attacks and ill treatment. For the first time I've heard this person sound negative about the situation because I think they finally are getting the full brunt of the other person's behavior. Before, they were somewhat protected by the fact that their attacker was occupied with others. I've tried to explain to others just how bad it is, but I think many thought I was kidding or at least over exaggerating. But when you experience it yourself..personally..you can no longer deny just how horrible it is. I don't like seeing others get hurt and I do feel I share some of the responsibility for how they are being treated. But I also know that there is nothing I can do to stop this other person from behaving the way they do. I can only control my own actions...and try to help a few others get out from under as well.
Decisions, Decisions: It's very easy to make the wrong decision when you are at a low point in your own life. It's easy for others to take advantage of you during this time...and for you to let them. I'm at that point right now and feeling myself burdened with the need to make a decision...I just don't know at this point what the right one truly is. One decision has the potential to bring me a lot of happiness, if I let myself believe what the other person is saying. But the realistic part of me doesn't believe in the other person and knows them to be calculating and a selfish user who only thinks about themselves. Letting them in the door is tantamount to inviting a vampire into your house. You might as well prep your neck for them and present yourself because they will bleed you dry.
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