"Funny how it comes to pass, that all the good slips away
And there's no one around you can remember being good to you
Shame, shouldn't try you, couldn't step by you
And open up more
Shame, shame, shame
What we lost here is something better left alone
Second steps have been forgotten, will you tell me how
They go
Set yourself, situate, like a fool try again
There's no one around you can remember being good, for you
So
And there's no one around you can remember being good to you
Shame, shouldn't try you, couldn't step by you
And open up more
Shame, shame, shame
What we lost here is something better left alone
Second steps have been forgotten, will you tell me how
They go
Set yourself, situate, like a fool try again
There's no one around you can remember being good, for you
So
Shame, shouldn't try you, couldn't step by you
And open up more
Shame, shame, shame"
-"Shame" by Matchbox 20
Dreaming Again: The dreams of the life (or future life) that I wish I could have but won't came back to haunt me again last night. This time I dreamed that I was pregnant and had a little boy. My father came to the hospital to see me and to see the baby and I told him then that I had decided to name him after my father "James Walter" but realizing this was also my mother's fist husband's name we decided to name him James Matthew. My father was very emotional and I awoke from this dream very sad, because I know that time is running out for us. I still have time, though limited, to have children, but for my father to have the chance to know that child and for that child to know him...that is a shorter window and with no possibilities in that direction, I know I can't even allow myself to believe it would be possible. That's one alternative reality I wish I could step into...I'd give almost anything...
Never On Time: Why is it I can never finish a baby blanket before the baby arrives? My friend Amy is having her baby today (hope she is doing alright!) and I've been working on her blanket for months, but I haven't worked on it for weeks until tonight...prodded by the news that she was in labor! I guess I'll just have to speed knit and hope to have it to her before he is a month old. And I know I have a couple of other friends who are pregnant and due soon that I likely won't have time to knit for. And here I was thinking I could knit for a living..not going to happen!
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