Day 227: 4/25/12 - "You Found Me"

"Where were you
When everything was falling apart?
All my days
Were spent by the telephone
That never rang
And all I needed was a call
That never came...

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lyin' on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me..."

"You Found Me" by The Fray

Maybe I'm Not Cut Out For This:  It's time for me to consider the possibility that I'm just not cut out to exist successfully in this environment.  It's becoming more and more clear to me every day that I harbor feelings of anger and resentment every time I set foot in this particular place.  I find myself suffering from various small maladies that are easily associated with stress and I don't see a good reason to keep doing things to my self that are bad for me if it is not necessary.  Of course, I don't know what my solution to this is.  Where do I go from here?  What is my niche?  How do I find out where I'm supposed to be and what I'm supposed to be doing if I can't even figure out which end is up most days?  It's pretty scary for me right now.  I've always known - even when the knowing wasn't great - where I was heading, what I was going to do.  And even though that often changed, the changes came naturally - they felt right.  Nothing feels right at this point in my life. Nothing about my life feels like it is working, and I don't want to be that person that keeps pushing to get the square peg to fit in the round hole, only to wind up breaking the damn thing!  I actually had an impromptu chat with two people who were asking me about my baking and why I didn't do that for a living.  I tried to explain and then stopped and said something pretty profound (at least in my opinion): "I've been treading water for the last year since my thyroid issues and my major surgery.  I either need to swim or get out of the pool because treading water is tiresome and it's not getting me anywhere."  I need to take my own advice...

And the Disrespect Continues...I got knocked down another peg today and yes, again it was done on purpose.  I chose not to fight back this time.  Why?  Because it would have been a waste of my time and energy and I need to save them for more logical pursuits. I need to concentrate on planning for the future and finding that place I truly belong where I will be given the respect that I deserve (as a human being). 

Who Knew Tofu Could Bake Up So Good?  I had some silken tofu in the fridge that needed to be used so I tried my hand at making a cupcake with it.  A nice dash of cocoa, flour, sugar, vanilla, and a few other things and voila, I had a nice soft and moist cupcake!  To top it I decided on peanut butter but thought I had already done that before so I made a chocolate peanut butter buttercream.  I had a bit of trouble getting it to mix up (I now know that I put too much strawberry in my strawberry buttercream!) but it tastes absolutely divine!  Recipes pending review from colleagues tomorrow.

tofu in the mix!

with chocolate peanut butter buttercream!