Monday, April 16, 2012

Day 218: 4/16/12 - "Better Than I Used to Be"

"I know how to hold a grudge
I can send a bridge up in smoke
And I can't count the people I've let down,
The hearts I've broke...

You ain't gotta dig too deep
If you wanna find some dirt on me
I'm learning who you've been
Ain't who you've got to be
It's gonna be an uphill climb...

I ain't no angel
I still got a few more dances with the devil
I’m cleaning up my act little by little
I’m getting there...

I ain’t as good as I’m gonna get
But I’m better than I used to be..."

-"Better Than I Used to Be" by Tim McGraw

Wrestling With My Own Demons: One of the hardest things to do in life is admit something to yourself.  Whether good or bad, it's harder to be honest with yourself than it is to be honest with others.  This morning I woke up with a random thought in my head that should have made me angry (at myself). Instead, it intrigued me (which scared me) and I had to sit down and think about who I really am as a person and how far I would go to obtain my own dreams.  What is the limit to my ability to ignore my own moral character (the one I've defined for myself, not the one defined by society or anyone else)?  If I do something that is against my own moral code, what would be the overarching consequences to me and to others?  Would I really be willing to be something or someone that I'm not just to have one moment of true happiness (something that was done for me and no one else)?  I don't know.  For the record, it's just a thought...and even if I would follow through, the odds of the opportunity arising is beyond fleeting.  But I can dream...

Power Hungry: Some people truly don't know what to do when they have power.  They abuse it and with that abuse they wind up abusing others.  The fact that so many of us feel we can't do anything about it (and truthfully, cannot because of other situations) just makes it even tougher to take.  The fact that we don't seem to have a true grasp of what is going on makes it almost unbearable.  I don't like being left in the dark for long periods of time, just waiting until...bam!  I get blindsided by something that, if I had seen it coming, I could have taken steps to sidestep it.  Sounds to me like someone isn't playing fair...but its not like they ever have.  Two (or three or four) can play that game...

Neapolitan Cupcakes: I made strawberry cupcakes for work today and topped them with either vanilla, strawberry, or chocolate icing.  Someone told me when I removed the lid today that they smelled like strawberry ice cream, so I named them Neapolitan since I had iced them with the three flavors and if they smelled like ice cream, then I should give them an ice cream inspired name.  The strawberry icing didn't come out the way I wanted but I can work on that!  Next up - suggestions for maple and peanut butter or honey and peanut butter ones...we'll see....

Iced with chocolate...so pretty!

Vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry icing!

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