"Does it seem that time works against us
Or does it just march on and on and on
Sometimes it drives me crazy...
-"Thirty Pieces" by Edwin McCain
Life is Just Unfair Sometimes: Today was one of those days where I saw the unfairness of life and could only shake my head. Part of me understands that life can't always be fair to everyone - that's just not the way it is. There will always be illness, and sickness, and death, and bad decisions made by others. But there is always a strong part of me that does not want to accept this - who at least wants to eliminate the impact caused by those bad decisions. I'm left to clean up the mess only partly of my own making while others simply continue doing what they've always done. For once I'm not referring to myself when talking about the unfairness of life. Contrary to the melancholy bent of my posts lately, I do know that I'm not the only person who feels they got the short end of the stick. I also know that I'm far better off than many people and that things could be much, much worse....
Heart Broken By Reality: I've had my heart broken so many times that I know it won't ever go back together. Today, as I walked around the grocery store, I saw scene after scene of couples shopping together, mothers with kids, fathers with kids, mothers and fathers with kids. And I see the possibility of that continuing to slip further and further away. I try to make myself feel better about it - I wouldn't be a good wife anyway. And I'd be a terrible mother. I know both aren't true, but I try to lie to myself so that I at least have a reason to get out of the bed in the morning. Without that I would want to hide from the world - unable to take the pity in the eyes of those around me who would see the failure that I am. The day I reach pity level is the day I have leave and start over. I can take disdain, anger, dislike, and indifference...but I can't take pity...
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